Advice please X

[Sparkle1965]

Hello I'm really new to this website so I am sorry if I have posted in the incorrect place!
Really just need some advice...I have been with my partner for two years and in the last year he has been diagnosed with impotency.
Obviously now there is no relationship at all that way and I have been so worried it is perhaps my fault...not attractive etc etc.
This is very bad but I looked through his phone last night..and I was floored...there are messages to his best friend saying things like "God she would get it she is stunning" and other references to how attractive other women are....I feel so so upset and don't know if I am overreacting...xx

Hi, Sparkle I'm new here too. Sorry to hear your post. I'm no dr but I do know that diagnosed impotency is NOT your fault hun, its a mechanical fault and your partner should be getting medical help for it.

The best advise that you can be given is TALK to him. He needs to know how you're feeling and how this is affecting you. Sex isn't everything in a relationship but it is pretty special to some couples and when its taken away its very difficult to come to terms with. If you can't talk to your partner then find a professional to talk to about this condition and find out as much about it as you can. Learn all there is to know, anything that can help, dietary / exercise changes, medications, can you help in anyway - will HJ or BJ help him.

As far as the phone messages go, I know they are upsetting but IMO they are just lads banter and nothing more, so don't worry too much about that. Perhaps he's compensating? Does any of his mates know hos situation?

Good luck xx

Dear Butterfly
Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply....you have really helped me ..you are so right in what you say and it's so tricky coming to terms with no sex life at all.
It makes you terribly insecure and once insecurity is on the table it's a slow spiral down!
I will try and talk to him as best I can but he he's very defensive and tries to turn things into an argument.....Thankyou again for your reply its been so helpful....xxx

You're very welcome Sparkle.
I know that ever relationship is different. In my last, our communication was non-existent and that was our downfall, however, with my new partner I'm so comfortable with talking to him about anything its great. We have no secrets (that I know about anyway LOL) and we talk through our fears and worries before they become problems.
That's why I suggested it important for you to talk to someone else if your partner is not receptive. Good Luck and keep me posted xxxxxx

Hello guys and welcome

Sounds shit Sparkle I would advise posting in the relationship section, there are some very wise, astute mnetters who can help you through this.

In the relationship board you will get earnest robust but relevant answers.
I know I've had plenty of help there.

AIBU is fine for parking issues and a bit of Neighbour war.
Chat is good too.