How to give a little more structure at bedtime?

[tryitout]

My DD (only child) is 7.5, we are both night owls. I prefer to live without a routine (time limits on things stress me out and I am pretty 'time blind') but I think more of a routine would be good for both of us. Where do I start?

Her 'natural' sleep hours seem to be 10pm-8am (currently an hour earlier due to clocks going back which is a win!) Once she is asleep I will often stay up until midnight or 1am. I LOVE the night time. My DH works in the evenings so he is not around.

Me and DD enjoy a very chill evening. I think we are a bit overwhelmed from the day of school and work etc. so we just have a nice time together, bit of TV, bit of play, bit of reading, snuggle on the sofa. Very low key and quiet. I'll admit that I do still lie with her whilst she gets to sleep. This started off as a necessity as she used to get extremely upset being left alone when she was younger but now I think it's just a habit.

The reason I am wanting a change is I would like a bit more independent/alone time in the evening, e.g. if I wanted to have friends round for dinner or to do something non-child friendly (watch a horror movie!)

I don't think I am ever going to be the sort of person that is super organised and has a time for everything to happen, but what could be the first step? I was thinking of setting an alarm for the time she needs to go upstairs for 'quiet time' (though the idea of the alarm going off stresses me out!) and telling her she needs to stay in her room. But I also feel harsh doing that as it's so different from how we've lived thus far? Also, how do I get her to be more independent at getting to sleep?

Does anyone relate to this? I feel like I am the only person in the world who lives like this!

What should be my first step?

And before you get the wrong idea, I am not laid back in other ways (e.g. manners, behaviour), I am definitely not a 'gentle' parent! My daughter is very sweet and not problem in any way :)

You're definitely not the only one! A few gentle first steps that don't need alarms:

• Keep your lovely evenings, and add one fixed "anchor" at the end: the same few things in the same order (wash, PJs, one story, lights low). The order matters more than the clock.
• A simple picture list of those steps on her wall lets her see what's next, so you're not the timekeeper.
• Instead of an alarm, use a cue that feels nice, like a particular song or the lights going down at the same point each night.
• For falling asleep, move bit by bit: lie with her, then sit on the bed, then a chair by the door, then "I'll pop back in five minutes" (and do pop back).

Start with one change, not all of them. It's fine for things to stay loose around the edges.