How to tell Son he’s autistic

[FlakyTaupeViper]

Hi - my son, aged 10, had an ASD diagnosis 2 years ago. We have put off telling him as we don’t want him to worry about it and because he uses his dyslexia as an excuse and we are worried he’ll do the same with the ASD. I think the time has come to tell him as he has been asking about other neurodivergent kids. Does anyone have any advice on how to frame it? He is high functioning so communicating isn’t an issue.

When I told my daughter we read the 'All cats are autistic book' together and spoke a bit about famous people who are autistic. She was 7 so that book might be a little young for him. I'm autistic myself so we also discussed that and some of the things it made us good at (different things for her than me) as well as things we struggled with.
He is probably asking because most schools do assemblies on it each year and he's starting to recognise himself (my daughter almost had when we told her). I would make sure you tell him before he works it out himself or worse someone else tells him. This happened to me around 10 as my mum thought I was too young to know (this was 30 years ago when it was less accepted), but somehow the other kids at school found out and teased me about it. I've still never really got over finding out like that.

I would actually just be very direct and informative. We told our son the day that he received his diagnosis. We explained that he was autistic, that it was a difference rather than a disability, and that he might find some things more challenging and some things easier. The conversation was easy because it wasn't a big sit-down conversation, just a "guess what we've just found out" conversation. We have autistic family members so we talked about them. They are all different, with different interests, strengths and limitations.

Think about what you will tell him about why you waited to tell him. I think it's important to be able to talk as openly as possible because the benefits of early diagnosis are profound on sense of self. If he faces any challenges, talk about whether he thinks being autistic is a factor. Tell him explicitly what you do to support him day-to-day and his wellbeing so that he builds an understanding of what he will have to recognise in himself as he gets older. Respect his sense of his own identity and if he wants to disclose to family and friends.

Thanks very much both some really helpful advice here.