Mums at school

[Danini]

My DD came mid term to her current school two years ago. She’s thriving, very social, with lots of friends. I am however struggling. I have ADD and a light touch of autism and keeping on top of everyday life with a full time job is a struggle. We have family abroad and I missed out on a lot of the initial meet ups with mums from school at the park. I’d love to get to know more mums but am unsure how. I feel intimidated when I come to the park and other mums have a pre-planned playdate and they don’t even greet you. It’s so awkward. Even at drop off there are so many you see every day but they don’t greet you back, so I’ve stopped saying hi to them.

DD does do activities, but none of them overlap with children from her class. I’ve considered trying to move her to a date and time when someone in her class goes to then have a chance to chat with the parent during the activity, but it does feel a bit desperate? She also gets invited to birthday parties but they are few and far apart and not enough time to the establish friendship.

I feel like time is running out since my DD now is in year 1 and soon will have independent playdates.

I say this with kindness — you have to get over it. It’s nice to be friends with the parents of your child’s friends, but it’s not the be-all-end-all. Just because your children go to the same school doesn’t mean you’ll automatically become kindred spirits, and that’s fine. Of course, a courteous greeting and small chat should be the bare minimum in a civil society (even if you’ve nothing in common or aren’t looking to make friends) but if the other mums don’t even greet you, that’s a them problem. Don’t make it a you problem.

Don’t go out of your way to socially engineer friendships with other parents, it’s in your words, “desperate”, and really not worth your precious time and effort. If friendships happen, they happen.

Besides, once your DD has independent play dates (I’m assuming a drop and go) you wouldn’t be staying for coffee and biscuits so there will be no awkward silences to endure!

Thanks, I should have added - some are more friendly - and the others I will of course ignore. But it’s the feeling of playing catch up (which might just be in a my head) but seems like everyone but me is chatting to someone at the school gates. It doesn’t help that we’re new to the area and it’s our first child. I’d like a fool’s proof strategy to find my way into a group 🤣