How to deal with the shame of not working

[catphone]

I am autistic with hyper mobility and an auditory processing disorder and likely have CPTSD. I get stress induced migraines, stomach issues that cause me to faint and inflammation. My periods are extremely painful. I also get emotionally dysregulated regularly. My sleep is terrible and I am prone to burn out. I can usually just about manage the basics but anything more than that and I start to malfunction and my autistic symptoms become more pronounced. I need to live a very simple life with next to no stress (which isn’t realistic). This year I want to focus on my mental wellbeing. I don’t know if I’ve just been through too much in life to ever work.
I volunteer online but even that is too much. If I had any sort of job I would burn out.
I know that everyone has problems but I don’t know how I could work. I feel ashamed that I can’t. I don’t know if I’m making excuses because others seem to manage somehow.
I’ve had judgement from well meaning neighbours who are otherwise very nice that I don’t work and how I must have a lot of spare time. Another person (unrelated) said my whole life is spare time.He had a suspected heart attack the other month, collapsed, and it turned out to be something else but he was still back to work shortly after spending days in hospital. I see what he’s saying but he doesn’t know that my life is a bit like living with an illness most of the time. I’m not sure how realistic this is but I’m worried I will have to work at some point because of the unsustainable rise in autism cases and they might make it impossible to claim for if most people have it. I have terrible anxiety about this in particular it feels like it’s just a matter of time and I feel a sense of doom

@catphone
Sorry if I missed it, but do you take any medications to help you?

I take kefir and buscapan for my IBS, Ibuprofen for pain, and I’ll be starting some sleep gummies from boots and herbal medicine for my anxiety

I can’t say or the comment gets hidden but I did say in another comment which someone unhid for me

Ibuprofen isn't that strong - can't you get something stronger?

And what about some prescription meds for anxiety?

This would be a really good thing to look into, OP. It can take a while to find the right one but once you do and your anxiety is more manageable in the short term then you could perhaps engage more in therapy etc for longer term help.

You do sound like the major problem is hypercondria.

People have all sorts of terrible ailments and work.

Work is good for your mental health.

There are conditions that run in the family including on both sides. For example, both sets of my grandparents had heart attacks young. My grandad on my mothers side died in his 30's from one, and my grandma on my dads side had a heart attack in college. Diabetes also run in the family and I am at risk of it.
I can't be certain what's wrong with me. It's hard to know if I get fobbed off all my life.
I've had issues with my immune system, hormones and bowels all throughout my life. Trying to get anyone to listen to me has been hard. Ultimately I need to be very careful about any medications I take.
I drink herbal tea, and I will be trying st johns wart soon. I also have an appointment with the GP very soon about medications I could try.

I don't know what you mean, and I don't think what you've said is true. I was diagnosed as being severely mentally impaired. The GP receptionists sound fed up of me phoning them so much, I do pursue treatment and have social services involvement who say that I have complex needs. I also have occasional practical help from family

I have been offered medication for anxiety, I am exploring options with the GP and I am being investigated for complex PTSD after a traumatic childhood.

I'm due a review for disability payment as they thought my conditions would improve as I mentioned on my application I got a lot of help from services. But my social worker agrees I need long term support and have complex needs.
When I said I was worried I'd be made to work in the future, it's because autism is really common and so are co-morbidities I'm more worried that it will become so common that it cant be claimed for if that makes sense but others on the thread have told me that wont happen

It's not your neighbours business whether you work or not.
Only you know if you are capable of working. I hope you are on sufficient benefits as I know it's not easy. But don't allow others opinions on you to affect your decision making.
If you want to work, I hope you can gradually ease yourself back into it. Otherwise just try and take each day as it comes. X

Yes because of the health conditions that run in the family. My own mother had to stop taking medication due to the side effects. She warned me I would probably get severe side effects too. And then what's the point, swapping one condition for another, if that makes sense. Schizophrenia and seizures also run in the family. I've been wary about medication but I let the GP know that so they can potentially find something that might work.

This feels like an interrogation