What made you suspect you were neurodiverse as an adult?

[Constance44]

Just wondering about that really. I never thought I was neurodiverse as I obviously haven't any other lived experience to compare mine to, but lately and after doing some reading I think I could be. Just things like if I am in an overwhelming situation I just shut off all my emotions and can be completely detached, and to really dread socialising (even though I am quite 'good' at it), as well as a few other things. Nothing that really hinders my day to day life, so I wouldn't be seeking any kind of diagnosis, but it's just got me thinking how do people know they are neurodiverse if they don't know what it is like to be neurotypical?

My son got diagnosed and I was like, "hang on, this sounds like me"!
I honestly thought his quirks were normal and was really surprised when it was mentioned by his teacher.
I read up about it and it was like looking in a mirror.

A child being diagnosed led to it. But also massive burnout/breakdown leading to a depression dx. Didnt feel a good fit but it came from having a lot of unmet and misunderstood needs.

My sibling suggested I do a quiz and I scored highly and laughed because I’m so NT I’m nearly the definition of NT. Except I’m not. It took weeks to seep through my thick skull but I kept having moments of recognition and a huge sense of acceptance of myself.

I have an ND child and for years had taken the approach that we all have challenges and different types of brains and sometimes we need work arounds or to change something to make life easier. I didn’t see him as fundamentally different - just that his particular set of challenges was called autism.

I just didn’t twig that the reason I’d been problem solving and strategising my whole life, was because I wasn’t actually NT myself. Now I’ve started to notice how people who are NT don’t actually need to do all these things.

Talking to my frien about her son, who has autism.

friend

I wish they had an edit function on here.

I read an article by Ricky Gervais being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and a huge lightbulb went on.

Watching videos on my sons TikTok and relating to all the inattentive adhd videos, I’ve done the quizzes online. I’m too scared to ever approach a GP about it, took them long enough to take my low B12 issue seriously!

@LadyCordeliaFitzgerald

My sibling suggested I do a quiz and I scored highly and laughed because I’m so NT I’m nearly the definition of NT. Except I’m not. It took weeks to seep through my thick skull but I kept having moments of recognition and a huge sense of acceptance of myself.

I have an ND child and for years had taken the approach that we all have challenges and different types of brains and sometimes we need work arounds or to change something to make life easier. I didn’t see him as fundamentally different - just that his particular set of challenges was called autism.

I just didn’t twig that the reason I’d been problem solving and strategising my whole life, was because I wasn’t actually NT myself. Now I’ve started to notice how people who are NT don’t actually need to do all these things.

That's really interesting that you thought you were so NT - do most people who are ND assume they are NT until something or someone shows them they aren't? and if so is there really any such thing as a completely NT person or does everyone have levels of diversity?

My godchildren both are ND, and it is very obvious in that they do not attend mainstream school and have various diagnosis, whereas a friend's son was diagnosed with autism at a fairly young age and now goes to a mainstream secondary school and (to me) seems no different to his peers in terms of day to day life and he doesn't like anyone new to know about his autism diagnosis.

I've realised in the last few months that I tick virtually every box for inattentive ADHD.

Discussed with my mum who agrees that had they know what it was back in the 80s I showed a lot of signs even as a child.

Not sure there's a great deal of point getting an official diagnosis at nearly 47 but at least I can find some general coping mechanisms, and at long last mum seems to be more tolerant of by shortcomings in the organisation department!

Reading up on ADHD and dyspraxia for my child. Lots of it sounded horribly familiar. So I did an online quiz. It's explained a lot, when I look back on past difficulties.

When my adult daughter was diagnosed with adhd and she helped to frame for me how the symptoms actually manifest and apply to me in real life - I couldn't do this just by looking at a list of symptoms.

I didn't class myself as forgetful, I was literally forgetting how forgetful I am! But she remembered all the times I've had to get a locksmith for forgetting my keys and that I have to have a cross body strap handbag or I will forget it, and that I'm always forgetting food in the oven, and once forgot to put the chicken in a chicken curry

I didn't class myself as often late, but this is because I way overcompensate for this by being way too early now, after all the hideous experiences of being late in the past

Then I realised all the other things, like never finishing a project or an art/craft thing I was doing, all the absent minded mishaps with drinks (like pouring hot kettle water directly into the sugar or tea jar) - was inattentiveness

I often reply to a post having missed a key detail, could have done it again now for all I know

If I get a letter and both sides are printed on, I'll never know, never check the back

I then presumed I was primarily inattentive type, but my daughter also knew that small things can be hyperactivity - leg bouncing, nail and skin picking, racing thoughts, fiddling with hair, fidgeting, all of which are me constantly

I started thinking deeply about my childhood and found some old school reports. It was a hard read. teachers clearly knew there was more in me, but not how to unlock it - they thought I needed to apply myself, try harder, make an effort - constant low effort scores. I loved school and was already trying my hardest. I also got in trouble a lot for losing or forgetting my pe kit, forgetting letters home, when photo days were, non uniform days etc.

I was also incredibly hyperactive and did every sports after school club and was on every team. If I wasn't doing that I was climbing trees or training for athletics or gymnastics, or in a weekend dance club, or doing my cindy crawford workout video in my room. When I got to high school, I would walk 5 miles instead of getting the bus, barely sleep and get up early to do it, then walk back as well

I got my official diagnosis a year after she did. Both of us have combined type ADHD

It's so obvious now its ridiculous

Oh and I also recognised all this in my mum, and she's now on the road to diagnosis as well. When ND is all you've ever known, you think it's NT

My son was diagnosed and I confidently expected that his cognitive assessment would show all his 'traits' came from his father. But his profile turned out to me just like mine. Then I realised I have lots of little cognitive quirks, too - I'm synasthetic, face blind and will compulsively answer direct questions literally (I say compulsive as I know many are not meant literally and I have got strategies and learned answers for those ones but if I am in any way stressed I just default to literal). I also experience fixations/ obsessions. I also really struggled in high school with the social situation and had language interruption as a child. I could not shake off the sense of my being a bit odd and I do think I come across a bit odd, not hugely but just a shade out of kilter.

Realising these things might tie all together and I may be neuro diverse has been very soothing! So many aha moments! And I am able to be compassionate to my younger self where I used to be embarrassed about being clueless and making an idiot of myself in high school.

After leaving university I applied for job after job after job. Got loads of interviews because I have a great CV and qualifications, but got rejected at every single interview over a period of years. Feedback included comments about me making the interviewer feel uncomfortable, not making eye contact or small talk, not smiling, not creating rapport. They said I was awkward, withdrawn, weird, hard to like, an eccentric personality, not suitable to be allowed to work with other people. Some employers were really blunt and nasty.

Prior to this I had been bullied for years at school and had no friends. I always thought the bullies were just mean and nasty for excluding me (and they were). But the interview feedback made me think there’s obviously something wrong with me that I don’t know about, that the interviewers could see, and that the bullies at school could see. And it turns out I have autism.

@mollyblack

A child being diagnosed led to it. But also massive burnout/breakdown leading to a depression dx. Didnt feel a good fit but it came from having a lot of unmet and misunderstood needs.

@mollyblack this is totally my experience. Uncannily so. My DS was going through assessment (and came back as not) and I had an awful summer of stress and then all autumn have been burnt out and I now realise depressed too. I've been in denial about the depression bit, but have realised that my ND def extends beyond dyslexia. Sorry to hijack this thread but can I ask a couple of questions. i) how did you get back from this? ii) how do you stop stress being a trigger for burnout and depression? I have a super stressful sister, who makes every family emergency worse. There has been a lot in the last two years and I suspect more to come. I don't want to upset my Mum, but need to protect and pace myself. Happy to chat in DM if easier, but would really appreciate any insights.

OP, I'm very similar to some of the others. We are a family of dyslexics, and all different within that. Child going through assessments - really got me thinking as the apple hasn't fallen far from either tree. Then had a stress bomb and did my usual thing of handling it really well, until I didn't and then just stopping in my tracks and it literally taking me months to get my shit together. And I put on 1.5 stones in 3 months. When the penny dropped, it was a relief. It's been quite emotional and my Mum is very anti me looking into this. I asked her about my school days and got it with both barrels about how difficult and challenging I was. Full of energy, impulsive and always running away!! She then called the next day and said I'd caused her the most stress out of all her children, but had also bought her the most joy. I can now look back with great kindness on my younger self. I have never handled stress well, despite choosing stressful jobs - I just internalise, don't look after myself and then it all unravels.

OP - how are you getting on? Tell us more.

My young adult DD has been having counselling at uni and it was suggested she explore ADHD. In doing the assessment we realised that I also scored highly, as did her youngest sister who now also has a diagnosis.

@VeryMuchFlaggingMinty Through my children's diagnosis I've gone down that route in the last week. I felt that getting it officially recognised would help at work and also give me the option of medication. Talking it through with a psychiatrist was incredibly helpful and highlighted some things I hadn't considered. It's also given me a basis to structure how to move forward as I'm currently off work due to stress from not coping, almost certainly as a result of my ADHD.

A book that's really helped me is Delivered from Distraction

@Maladicta that's really interesting.

I'm off work atm too. I took a sabbatical to care for elderly parents and struggled so badly when I returned to my admin job I handed my notice in.

I've qualifications in a couple of creative things but have worked in admin most of my life which is just the worst fit possible for me.

I'll check that book out.

My DD is thankfully the polar opposite of me in this sense...very focused and naturally self disciplined. I was actually reading about adult diagnosis of autism after a friend was diagnosed when I stumbled across the ADHD criteria

I always knew there was something 'wrong' with me and I felt alien to those around me. It was when my kids flagged up with ND that I realised I needed to get assessed to see if I could find an answer to my chronic disconnection from others and society in general.

In around 1987 or 1988 hearing Temple Grandin talk about her life on Woman's Hour and realising that what she was saying put my life into perspective. Tried for diagnosis back then and got laughed out of the surgery...

Not being able to relate to my work colleagues' non-work related conversations in any way. It felt to me like they were absorbed by utter trivialities that only simpletons would derive any pleasure from. I couldn't understand why new mothers would get the hump when they were parading the latest newborn around and I'd flat refuse all urging to hold them. I couldn't understand why so many of them seemingly waltzed through their working days without a care in the world, while myself an a few others were desperately fire-fighting and picking up the shortfall created by the majority's casual attitudes to work. I couldn't understand why management never picked the shirkers up on their behaviours, and I couldn't understand why people couldn't follow simple procedures despite being coached and having explained to them over and over.

Then eventually I realised that this is the norm in the NT world, and there's a reason why I could not cope with it whatsoever, and a reason why it eventually led to a catastrophic mental health breakdown that took me years to recover from.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

I always knew there was something 'wrong' with me and I felt alien to those around me. It was when my kids flagged up with ND that I realised I needed to get assessed to see if I could find an answer to my chronic disconnection from others and society in general.

I think looking back I have always felt similar to you in the feeling of detachment and I think deep down I’ve always felt like I interact with the world differently than other people who seemed to able to live in the moment more than me and fully engage with whatever is going on. But it’s not until now that I thought I might be ND, I just always thought I just wasn’t as good at life as other people were! What was your eventual diagnosis if you don’t mind me asking?

Thank you to everyone for sharing their experiences, I’m sorry that so many people had to have breakdowns before realising their ND.

@Dreamhouseb

Watching videos on my sons TikTok and relating to all the inattentive adhd videos, I’ve done the quizzes online. I’m too scared to ever approach a GP about it, took them long enough to take my low B12 issue seriously!

TikTok was a revelation for me in understanding what neurodivergence can look like in adults, though it sounds ridiculous to say it out loud to other grown ups (I'm 42 FFS!)

I also thought I was NT and that being ND would 'feel different' in some way. I don't know if this is more common for women because so much for what we know about neurodivergence is based on men so we don't see our experiences depicted in the media (except on TikTok obviously!)

@Constance44 I was diagnosed with aspergers age 44 and adhd at 50 following a breakdown.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX I could have written what you wrote about your work. Absolutely the same feelings of frustration and even despair at times. I had a breakdown and some horrible depression and I had to leave.

I was expected to do some awful things to terminally ill people in order to force them to remain alive because the NTs are unable to face up to the realities of life and death.