What made you suspect you were neurodiverse as an adult?

[Constance44]

Just wondering about that really. I never thought I was neurodiverse as I obviously haven't any other lived experience to compare mine to, but lately and after doing some reading I think I could be. Just things like if I am in an overwhelming situation I just shut off all my emotions and can be completely detached, and to really dread socialising (even though I am quite 'good' at it), as well as a few other things. Nothing that really hinders my day to day life, so I wouldn't be seeking any kind of diagnosis, but it's just got me thinking how do people know they are neurodiverse if they don't know what it is like to be neurotypical?

Oh dear

Having taken a break from MN (due to side effects from medication and horrendous effects of the recent clock change) I'm disappointed to see that nothing has changed on here.

This being a board for ND's, but ND's are challenged in their 'so called' designated area.

@MNHQ - please make the message about this being a board for ND's more prominent.

Back to the original point of the thread - I've known my whole life that I was 'different'. I feel like an alien, disconnected socially, not understanding the games NT's play.

A constant feeling of being disconnected, distanced.

When I had my autism diagnosis, it was a huge relief. The subsequent ADHD diagnosis some years later was not such a relief and I'm still coming to terms with that.

But, in a nutshell, I've always known and the barriers to being validated were not down to me.

I already had some ND diagnoses, but I further elaborated on these as a result of the change of context that came about with the pandemic. It was so shocking to really get that rare chance to see just what I was dealing with on a day to day basis without realising.

If love to watch some Tik toks to help my DD discuss if that's how she feels. I realised whilst watching her struggle

My DC2 was about two and a half and hadn't said a word. Amongst other signs, but that was the one that flagged a potential problem. Following a lot of research, and various threads on here too, I realised that not only was DC2 showing a lot of signs that pointed towards asd, so was dc1 (but in a different way - little old man type of presentation), and so was I.

Knowing child diagnosis takes a long time, I started with myself, and about 18m later I was diagnosed with asd. DC both much older now and still showing signs (DC1 is very dramatic - like me as a child, DC2 otoh is away with the fairies) , but no official diagnosis yet - partly as they swapped to home-schooling and are (largely) coping well because of it.

Oldest child was very like me, thought nothing much of it.

When they were referred back to ed psych for the second time I was searching for info to help them. Came across description which matched what they struggle with. then had lightbulb moment and was diagnosed myself.

From when I was primary aged I knew I was weird/ didn't fit in/ wasn't 'normal'.

I’ve always struggled with friendships or close family relationships. During lockdown so many of my relationships totally imploded because I wasn’t “caring” or “empathetic” enough or got the tone of voice wrong in online conversations. I realised there’s a long, long pattern of close friendships completely falling apart and me being left behind by the groups I was friends with and I’ve never understood why properly, until a family member spelled out my behaviour for me. I did some reading, thinking it must be that I’m a horrible, toxic person and someone brought up the possibility of Autism.

I was late 40s when the penny dropped. I've not gone down the route of formal diagnosis. I was diagnosed with auditory Processing Disorder in my 40s. A manager asked me if I had been 'assessed'. I admit I took umbridge at that . (It was being used a 'weapon ' rather than concern)
Coincidentally my son was assessed after getting into trouble and diagnosed with ADHD, ASD and bi polar. I then looked into it and see a large number of indicators applied to me and my family as well as DHs family.

I was diagnosed with dyspraxia as a mature student at uni
Then my son diagnosed ASD at 8, I thought he's just like his dad, but as time went on realised his childhood of stress and anxiety was just like mine
I've been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome too, which makes someone seven times more likely to be autistic, but I have not had an assessment.

Funnily enough I chose two careers both dealing with having to talk to lots of people. Have been burned out regularly as a result!

Having an IQ off the scale for problem solving and eventually even a first class degree.
Being ever unable to executive function more than one task at a time and never holding down a job for more than two years before burning out and tanking into sick leave from too much flow chart brain strategy attempts to do people interactions and appear normal.

Before my eventual diagnosis I got fired from an NHS cleaning job because I wouldn't cheat on the protocols and realized it was impossible to actually do the job within the seconds in the timings without breaking the hygiene protocols needed for each sink, bath, floor, bin, glove changes within the allotted time given to do them. Which was actual seconds for each thing.

The supervisor physically manhandled me into an office and threatened me with ten shades of doom for proving via camera with timer that whilst doing the given timing and following protocols at top speed, the job was impossible in the accepted time frame with the hygiene regs being followed to the letter.

I did this with absolutely no malice or self awareness, it was just a logical conundrum. I now realize that I was being a grade A Arnold Rimmer about it.

After I was fired and given a settlement for being man handled and collapsing into insomnia level anxiety, my colleagues laughed and told me they just cheated. I had no idea.

Most of my working life followed the exact same pattern of complete trust in rules and protocol that don't work, plus the added hurdle of communicating without sounding like Spock's weirder and unreasonably well read sister.

I was a complete and utter failure within the sphere of routine modern life before late life diagnosis despite being really good on paper and a keen researcher and self builder and scholar and interested in all sorts of things.

Now I am diagnosed, it all makes very sad sense. I have a much kinder and gentler approach with myself now and I am able to understand where my strength and weakness lies and why.

It isn't a great realization to find out that all that getting up and running directly at the wall again and crashing into it was never going to miraculously turn into a vault and success.

It is however very nice to stop running at the wall, quite so much.

When I looked into my ds getting a diagnosis, the penny dropped - eventually!

Great Post!

I was fine during primary school. Once I attended high school, I felt that my peers knew how to interact, understood school politics and I just did not. I struggled being in groups, whether in the playground or at the main bus stop. I found a quiet bus stop to go to and it was like heaven. I was also bullied which only aided my feeling different from others. I was often misunderstood and singled out but did not have the emotional intelligence to know how to cope.

Family wise, I love my immediate and extended family but like time alone. I do not like to cuddle but have learnt how to reach out to others.

Employment wise, I took a long time to 'learn the ropes' in my first few jobs and one manager even laughed that she spent so much time training me. I prefer to take lunch breaks alone to unwind and have often appeared aloof.

Study wise I exceed in course work but not exams.

I struggle when things are not in the right place. For example if I see a work colleague in my local shopping centre or if I take a different route to a restaurant. I expect to see it on my left and I cannot see it, if on the other side of the road.

I've always known, since I was very little. Always been different, always felt different, in every way. Was a 'spirited' child. Always had problems and issues, but got better at masking as I got older. Struggled in school and outside school. Struggled with everything really. It's been very lonely at times, and confusing.

Was diagnosed with many things as a child and teen, went through a lot of counselling and doctors, and a lot of medications, before adhd was suggested to me a couple of years ago. It explained everything. Can't believe it was missed for so long. Grateful for the puzzle to be finally solved.

I suspected it since I was a teenager, and eventually decided to go and get checked out. Turned out I meet ASD criteria. Then a little later I decided I'd like to try amphetamines for my ASD-related executive dysfunction, but you can't get those without an ADHD diagnosis so went and got diagnosed with that too. I don't really go all-in on the ADHD diagnosis and I don't relate to a lot of the memes and blog posts about ADHD, I just think of it as part of the same thing as my ASD.

Real difficulties making friends throughout school (extremely shy), severe eating disorder requiring multiple hospitalisation throughout teens and young adulthood, difficulties acquiring or maintaining employment (never seemed to fit in), finally found a career after studying as a mature student.

Both sons are autistic and eldest son's psychiatrist suggested I was also. Since working from home, have felt much less stressed and able to engage in stimming and vocalisation, both of which help me cope emotionally and professionally. Waiting for assessment, at the moment.

I still don't know. I suspect I am. Haven't found the NHS to be any help. Difficult to know what is ND and what is the result of a dysfunctional, traumatic childhood and adolescence to some extent. I relate to all the stuff about friendships just not working and not understanding why. Being disconnected socially. Having to work really hard to try to understand why other people do things and behave the way they do. Wanting to fit in but never knowing how to. Having huge social anxiety and sensitivity to rejection, I just expect it by now (early 40s). Lots of little hyperactive things, that bit too.