What made you suspect you were neurodiverse as an adult?

[Constance44]

Just wondering about that really. I never thought I was neurodiverse as I obviously haven't any other lived experience to compare mine to, but lately and after doing some reading I think I could be. Just things like if I am in an overwhelming situation I just shut off all my emotions and can be completely detached, and to really dread socialising (even though I am quite 'good' at it), as well as a few other things. Nothing that really hinders my day to day life, so I wouldn't be seeking any kind of diagnosis, but it's just got me thinking how do people know they are neurodiverse if they don't know what it is like to be neurotypical?

@AshGirl I’ve always felt a bit different but I couldn’t pin what exactly, it just feels like life is a constant uphill struggle, not big things but lots of little things, I get overwhelmed easily and I definitely have sensory issues.
But I can’t imagine going to the GP and saying I saw some videos on social media I think I have ADHD, more so because I still struggle to actually say what my traits are!

I was expected to do some awful things to terminally ill people in order to force them to remain alive because the NTs are unable to face up to the realities of life and death.

This is a little harsh, most people wouldn't want to force people to stay alive if the patient expressed a wish to die. Unfortunately the law prevents euthanasia, and many NTs are perfectly capable of facing upto the realities of life and death, that's not a solely ND trait.

[quote Dreamhouseb]@AshGirl I’ve always felt a bit different but I couldn’t pin what exactly, it just feels like life is a constant uphill struggle, not big things but lots of little things, I get overwhelmed easily and I definitely have sensory issues.
But I can’t imagine going to the GP and saying I saw some videos on social media I think I have ADHD, more so because I still struggle to actually say what my traits are![/quote]

It took me about 18 months from first recognising that some of my 'quirks' might be ND to emailing my GP to request a referral for assessment - which she agreed to do without asking me to come in for an appointment.

It took so long partly because my executive function can be very poor but also because I did some research and got my thoughts in order to identify my traits and the key things I find difficult.

So while my journey was kick started by TikTok, that's not how I expressed it to the GP

I am embarrassed to say it was Tik Tok for me. I have never felt that my brain functions like my family, friends, work colleagues etc but always put it down to anxiety, depression and being a bit quirky. However, I started to get concerned for my 13 year old dd, she really shows signs of ADHD and she started sending me Tik Toks saying ‘this is like me mum’ then would show me clips of adult women with adhd and said ‘but this is so you’, it all started to click and all makes sense to me now and I think my mum and grandad were also neurodiverse.

@Lubeyboobyalt

When my adult daughter was diagnosed with adhd and she helped to frame for me how the symptoms actually manifest and apply to me in real life - I couldn't do this just by looking at a list of symptoms.

I didn't class myself as forgetful, I was literally forgetting how forgetful I am! But she remembered all the times I've had to get a locksmith for forgetting my keys and that I have to have a cross body strap handbag or I will forget it, and that I'm always forgetting food in the oven, and once forgot to put the chicken in a chicken curry

I didn't class myself as often late, but this is because I way overcompensate for this by being way too early now, after all the hideous experiences of being late in the past

Then I realised all the other things, like never finishing a project or an art/craft thing I was doing, all the absent minded mishaps with drinks (like pouring hot kettle water directly into the sugar or tea jar) - was inattentiveness

I often reply to a post having missed a key detail, could have done it again now for all I know

If I get a letter and both sides are printed on, I'll never know, never check the back

I then presumed I was primarily inattentive type, but my daughter also knew that small things can be hyperactivity - leg bouncing, nail and skin picking, racing thoughts, fiddling with hair, fidgeting, all of which are me constantly

I started thinking deeply about my childhood and found some old school reports. It was a hard read. teachers clearly knew there was more in me, but not how to unlock it - they thought I needed to apply myself, try harder, make an effort - constant low effort scores. I loved school and was already trying my hardest. I also got in trouble a lot for losing or forgetting my pe kit, forgetting letters home, when photo days were, non uniform days etc.

I was also incredibly hyperactive and did every sports after school club and was on every team. If I wasn't doing that I was climbing trees or training for athletics or gymnastics, or in a weekend dance club, or doing my cindy crawford workout video in my room. When I got to high school, I would walk 5 miles instead of getting the bus, barely sleep and get up early to do it, then walk back as well

I got my official diagnosis a year after she did. Both of us have combined type ADHD

It's so obvious now its ridiculous

Oh and I also recognised all this in my mum, and she's now on the road to diagnosis as well. When ND is all you've ever known, you think it's NT

Great post. Thank you for sharing.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Yes, I haven't been able to work in any sort of 'team' environment since. It just isn't possible for me without my life gradually unravelling because of it. I'm still perfectly capable of working with other people, but not in roles where I'm dependent on others pulling their weight or where my ability to do my own work is dependent upon them doing theirs. I'm not a tyrant, I just can nor cope with the unreliability and quirkiness of NT people. If I tell someone 'it'll will be done this afternoon', it gets done that afternoon. I can't cope with people who say similar then three days later you are still waiting and you get some pile of flannel when you ask why. I can't function in that sort of environment.

Took me years to realise that my perception that at least half of my work colleagues were bone idle and indifferent was actually accurate and I wasn't just imagining it, but what I didn't understand until years later was that this isn't at all unusual in the wider world, and that my perception of the consequences or at least, what I thought should have been the consequences is where I was different from the majority. I'm at peace with that now, even though I believe I am still 100% correct. I just accept that sort of environment isn't for me, and I don't even look at jobs that come up in any sort of field where 'team working' (lol) is a necessity. To me the term 'teamwork' actually just means 'silently putting up with the half-arsed bullshit of idle idiots', and it's nothing more than a tool that management uses to gaslight people into accepting mediocrity in colleagues.

@MistyFuckingQuigley

You're absolutely incorrect and have no knowledge of the details of how things work. I was a nurse for 30 years. I know what I'm talking about.

Just caught up on this thread from the other day. So sad that so many of us haven't realised what's been going on until reaching breakdown point. I keep thinking that for a bright spark, I'm a slow learner!

What is it with the overwhelm. This is def my weak point. I can handle an awful lot - used to organise things for a living - have managed a complex health programme for my son involving lots of appointments and daily stuff over 3 years. But I have a tipping point and I seem that once I cross it, it takes me ages to haul myself back again. Is this familiar with anyone else? Also motivation - find it far easier to look after other people than to look after myself.

I always knew I was ND but wondered that I would never get diagnosed since I have worked in STEM all my life where it is a bit less obvious and a bit more sheltered than more mainstream workplaces.
My DS1 got diagnosed and when I saw the report from school they said he had 'major difficulties' Major I thought - but then no-one in my current household is ND really.
I noticed I had this wierd effect on people at school - they would show odd behaviour - like me just being around uninhibited them - sometimes not a bad thing but usually a bad things - like I reminded them of fate and the inevitability of death but I didn't have to say anything.

A particularly tortuous round of jobseeking prior to redundancy made me actually pay up since my attempt to get it via the NHS kept hitting brick walls - It also made me realised how sheltered I was in that to most recruiters I was an awesome box-ticker but not someone they would employ in a million years. It was a job with my old supervisor at University that eventually close that chapter.

But having a diagnosis makes me feel more confident and I will aim to use my position to advocate more for ND women.

I just struggled through life, able to achieve highly academically but not to translate it into success at work. Relationships always difficult and I tried so hard to change myself I eventually had a breakdown and was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety. My daughter has ASD and I realised that I understood her more than I do my NT daughter's because in many ways we're alike. After struggling dreadfully with changing jobs recently I opened up to my psychiatrist and he was great, gave me some questionnaires and now I'm awaiting assessment. It's a huge relief to know that I may not be a weird, horrible person after all, just different.
I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories on these threads. They helped me take the plunge and tell my psychiatrist my whole story.

Thank you @AshGirl I struggle with executive function too, if I start making a list now I should be done by next year

@peoniesarejustperfect yes I am the same, try my hardest to be patient with everyone (especially DC) but the stupidest thing will tip me over, also sometimes I am brilliant at multitasking, sometimes my brain can’t cope with doing something and one of the DCs trying to have a convo with me at the same time!

Just wanted to say what an excellent thread this is. Am reading through everyone's experiences as have realised in the past few months that I have many neuro diverse tendencies (put down to anxiety and depression by gp) . Thank you everyone for sharing your personal experiences.

[quote BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]@MistyFuckingQuigley

You're absolutely incorrect and have no knowledge of the details of how things work. I was a nurse for 30 years. I know what I'm talking about.[/quote]
I'm with Barrowinfurness on this one..

I thought nursing would be helping people, listening to them, making them feel better.

Instead it's more about shoving vast amount of drugs into them that may or may not work/make anything better whether they want them or not.

It's crippling to listen to people beg you to let them die, to not stick another needle into them, to just leave them alone and know that what you're doing is not for their benefit, but for other people who find the idea of death abhorrent rather than part of life.

@willingtolearn have you tried working in a hospice?

@Catrice

Just wanted to say what an excellent thread this is. Am reading through everyone's experiences as have realised in the past few months that I have many neuro diverse tendencies (put down to anxiety and depression by gp) . Thank you everyone for sharing your personal experiences.

I think a lot of ND women have had their experiences dismissed as 'just' anxiety and depression. That's not to say that we are not anxious and depressed, but my day to day struggles with work / friends / life(!) are in themselves pretty depressing! Especially if you think or are told that if you just tried harder then you could do / be the same as NTs

@Chickenkatsu

I deregistered recently, couldn't hack in any more.

@willingtolearn I deregistered last year. It was a big relief.

I have ADHD.

One of my children was diagnosed with autism and ADHD. The penny very slowly dropped over the following years.

I did a lot of reading around women/girls with autism and ADHD and spoke to a female friend who was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I started to make notes of what I was like as a child and some of the difficulties I’d experienced in my adult life…and like pp, a lightbulb went off.

Re: getting wrong MH diagnoses before my ADHD diagnosis.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my thirties. I was sent off by the psychiatrist with a cocktail of drugs that made me feel much worse, and despite changing drug and tweaking dose over the next two years I felt no better - depression, anxiety, dissociation.
Then a very lovely young, female NHS psychologist who I was given a (like gold dust!) sox session with had two sessions with me and said ‘you’re not bipolar. I would investigate neurodiversity. Go private if you can.’

I wish I could find her and thank her for totally changing my life. The relief at understanding myself better, my ability to care for myself in much better ways, and the lifting of my depression as a result has been truly life changing. I’m just sad it took until I was almost 40 to gain this self knowledge.

six sessions

I noticed that in my work, I work best when I'm with autistic people, at first I thought it was because I'm interested in autism and I must be more motivated to offer empathy to them. then I started to realise it's not empathy it's relating to them and noticing our similarities. I think I was slow to regonise this because my brother was diagnosed autistic when he was young but because we are so different I didn't think I was autistic.

[quote BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]@MistyFuckingQuigley

You're absolutely incorrect and have no knowledge of the details of how things work. I was a nurse for 30 years. I know what I'm talking about.[/quote]
So you know the inner workings of all NT people's minds do you? Ok then. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm saying that it's not only ND people who have a problem with it. But I think you knew that and you're just being rude for the sake of it.

@WeSellAnyBra

Misdiagnosing ND people as Bipolar is startlingly common. They tried it with me. Mood all over the place, profound long-lasting depressions, constant anxiety and erratic self-destructive behaviours - 'Oh, you are Bipolar'

This was despite never having had a single instance of Mania, or even Hypomania in my life. No familial history of BD, and when the various medicines they parked me on had no beneficial effects whatsoever, their next approach was to simply shrug, give me a 'fuck knows what's wrong with you then' non-diagnosis, then discharge me from their care, this despite my life still being in a completely shambolic state and despite continuous suicidal ideation.

I was undoubtedly Anxious, and Depressed, but this was entirely environmental thanks to trying to being an undiagnosed ND individual and trying cope with an utterly dysfunctional work environment where even most typical NT people couldn't keep up the charade for long.

I wish I knew then what I know now, because I would have faced down the condescending cunt of an OH consultant they parachuted in to inform me that as far as they were concerned, my devastated health was 'absolutely not caused by the job, and not anything we're responsible for'. On the face of it, my ND is obviously not 'caused' by a terrible employer doing nothing about a horrendous working environment, but my anxiety and depression definitely were, and my ND doesn't explain away the ridiculous rates of sickness absence due to MH issues across the entire department, nor does it account for their enormous staff turnover with people leaving invariably citing the intolerable working environment and the fact they kept hiring utter halfwits who were impossible to work alongside.

But I think you knew that and you're just being rude for the sake of it.

This is the ND area for ND mumsnetters.

And DO NOT tone police me or get tricky thank you.