Neurodiversity support thread for women with suspected, diagnosed or self-diagnosed autism, ADHD and other NDs #18

[PolterThreadStarter]

As usual, latest support thread.

Welcome

I fiddle with non official fiddly things like pens, blu tack, rubber bands, paperclips. DD is the same. I bought both my girls fidget cubes (cheap ones) but they've not really used them much. The novelty wore off quick. The eldest uses hers more but not as much as she fiddles with other stuff.

I think I took longer to learn to drive than a lot of people do. It took me about 40 hours of lessons plus probably double that again going out with my mum. I messed up my first test and scraped my second. I'm a much better driver than I was in either of my tests!

I've been driving 16 years now and never got a ticket or had an accident (excuse me whilst I touch all of the wood) so I must be doing something right. I'm very law abiding though. I won't speed, cut lights or park badly. DH has a blue badge so sometimes we need (and are allowed) to park in places I wouldn't normally. I really struggle to do it, even though it's allowed and necessary!

Epic name change fail ftw

I had a cheapo fidget cube but I've lost it.

Hello! So glad I found this thread
I have decided to go down the private route for adult ASD assessment - have found that going down the GP route has me end up in mental health support which isn't what I'm looking for even though my MH has been a touch ropey this spring - jobseeking does that to you.
Been meaning to get around to this ever since DC1 was officially diagnosed at 5 with ASD. But it was the mass of rejections I kept getting that made me think I need to have an official statement - seems I generate an HR-repelling field in job interviews!

Have an assessment booked for tomorrow - I'm a bit nervous strangely so will be glad I have DH with me.

How is everyone?

Good luck Geek, I went private too as our local arrangements for NHS assessments are heavily linked with and geared towards mental health. It's been fantastic!

Hello Geek, I've seen you around on MN I think! Good luck for tomorrow.

I am tired today. End-of-term-itis all round! Roll on holiday on Saturday

Don't tell me about the end of term - which in my case is extra weird since I am officially redundant as of the 31st July - I do have a job starting in August - just need some proof!

Off to start cramming.

Thing is I think I need this diagnosis since I am definitely feeling the effort needed to mask this spring - perhaps in a age thing that and the political shitstorm which is Brexit and the war in Syria.
Brexit is a personal thing considering the large number of non British EU colleagues and that I work in STEM that is particularly intertwined with European facilities.
But I think I need a diagnosis since it will help me better understand myself and be something to put across to HR.
Thing is I have been with my place of employment for 9 years so I am 'normal' to them in that they know me. But it is an awful shock to the system when you are outside amongst people who don't know you in terms of jobseeking that yes, you are in fact a great big weirdo doing a crappy impression of a professional STEM women.

Was just talking with DP and mentioned in passing a woman I know (yet another one) diagnosed with "BPD", who has a first-degree male relative with ASD (her son).

Went onto Active, clicked on a thread about someone who can't cope with her sister any more, and bam, sister has "BPD" and it's mentioned in passing that their brother is autistic.

FOR FUCK'S FUCKING SAKE.

Is it just me? Am I the only one seeing this? How are mental health services not noticing this epidemic of women with "BPD" who have a first-degree make relative with a heritable neurodevelopmental disorder?

*male

It's insane. It seems as if no one wants to admit women can be autistic. I've no official diagnosis yet but im also working for myself so I'm adjusting my environment as I go. I'm still finding it hard to be in an office all the time but I'm slowly getting to know the two people we have working for us which helps.

Currently I'm giggling away at my email. DH asked me to sign up for a mailing list for a place that sells technical ebooks. They do offers all the time and I need a book about wordpress so he figured I can keep an eye out. I just got my first email from them and one of the books they are trying to sell me is called "penetration testing bootcamp" I've sent a screengrab and asked him what kind of mailing list this is...

Changed my name, it didn't change. I give up. It's weaver with the second fail in 2 days....

Hi weaver 😀

That title 😅

ratty yes, I am sure loads of women with MH dx, especially BPD, are autistic and/or have PTSD/trauma effects.

Oh Weaver you numpty

I have a strong suspicion that "BPD" is not A Thing and women diagnosed with it are a ragtag collection of women with ASD, bipolar disorder, PTSD from childhood trauma, or combinations of the above. And instead of having those things investigated and/or treated, they just get tret like shit.

I think it would be interesting to learn the fine details of each "disorder" (?) and see the overlap/differences better mapped out.
I'm torn between wanting to trust the professionals but also being aware that women are under diagnosed and the likely occurrence in the male vs female population could be much closer.

I think it would be interesting to learn the fine details of each "disorder" (?) and see the overlap/differences better mapped out.
I'm torn between wanting to trust the professionals but also being aware that women are under diagnosed and the likely occurrence in the male vs female population could be much closer.

Sorry, is BPD bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder? I always see people getting angry when the wrong one is assumed but I can never remember which one is correct and people seem to use the acronym for both anyway

Along similar lines I am quite suspicious of ODD or oppositional defiant disorder, it seems to be used a lot more in the US and I wonder if it's just a combination of things like ADHD, PDA (which seems almost unheard of in the US!) and a strong reaction to systems which are overly reliant on hierarchy as I think this can quite often be very frustrating for neurodiverse people and especially children who not only struggle to articulate why they find it frustrating, but attempts to explain this are seen as "defiant" or oppositional themselves.

I know Polter has said in the past that she thinks ODD is used in the UK as a kind of code for for "Naughty; product of poor parenting" ie, the parents are probably inconsistent because they are neurodiverse themselves, and need support rather than judgement.

Meh, if I trusted the professionals 100% I'd currently be sitting on the world's longest list of comorbid mental conditions. But I see what you're saying.

I agree ratty and there's been some good feminist critiques of BPD as a diagnosis. There's also the links between anorexia and autism and the links between self-harm and sensory processing disorder.

BPD is usually borderline personality disorder. It gets confusing because sometimes BPD means bipolar, especially in clinical trials for some reason but the vast majority of the time it means BPD.

I was diagnosed with conduct disorder for a while as a teen, which is pretty much the adolescent version of oppositional defiant disorder (and antisocial personality disorder, i.e. psychopathy, for adults )

ODD is meh because it just describes a set of behaviours. IMHO (and I did some academic work around this a while back) it's used as the kiddy version of antisocial personality disorder aka psychopathy...

However, many parents are fobbed off with it as it sounds like a real thing, and because the 'treatment' is firm parenting it's a cheap diagnosis. I imagine most kids dx with it are more likely ASD/ADHDish, possibly with subtle or sub-clinical symptoms and traits.

Cross posted with speedy typing ratty

I'm sceptical of a lot of diagnoses tbh. Most are based on what can be seen and this can be affected by so many factors.

BPD is usually borderline personality disorder. It gets confusing because sometimes BPD means bipolar, especially in clinical trials for some reason confused but the vast majority of the time it means BPD.

*the vast majority of the time it means borderline personality disorder

Obviously I've got so used to typing BPD for borderline that I forgot to type it out in full 😂

My friend's DD has just been diagnosed with ODD. She's definitely Aspie but he's (the Dad) not convinced it's ODD. She is more defiant at school though.

I feel like I'm the opposite of ODD. I'm a real rule follower and almost have to resist orders. Like if an advert says Buy this product now I'm like 'No, actually, I don't have to and I chose not to!'