Do I have a learning disability or intellectual disability?

[Gymnastxo96]

If some of you were here on my last thread you said I had an intellectual disability because of my IQ of 76 and my low adaptive behavior score. Why do some people think it’s just a learning disability? It’s not right? What is my future like?

To be fair, OP was posting late last night on a thread that has since been deleted. I do agree it is better for us all to stop responding at this point though.

Yeah but it was his opinion. I don’t talk like a child in real life and I have improved on my functioning. He said because of my mental age but I tell him I don’t talk like a child and will improve to talk more like an adult which I have.

But I am not as bad as you seem. I look and act normal and people in real life say I pass as normal. There are people that are worse then me.

That does not change your underlying vulnerabilities. That is not something you learn to overcome through therapy and a LD does not get “better” unfortunately.

Ok! That is why most guys ghost me after a hook up? Because of my vulnerabilities? But some stick around! Why because they accept the way I am?

Maybe or see you as ok until someone better comes along. They may tell you things they think you want to hear but not mean it. That can be true with nt people but they are more likely see through the person quickly and avoid.

Yeah they can see that I am mentally disabled and avoid that’s why they ghost and people that don’t ghost don’t care about my disability?

No that was not what I was saying. Clearly you are struggling to grasp advice here. They may ghost either because you served their purpose or are enough until someone else comes along. They are not looking for or expecting a fulfilling long term relationship with you.

Agree with this. I don’t think these threads are helping the OP.

She wants more from people here than anyone can give her - no one here can say why the men ghosted her, or how her intellectual abilities affect her in real life, or how independent she can be in future.

I think you are right but I think they ghost because they sense that I am different so strange!

Yeah but I still want advice because I was wondering why people treat me so differently!

It's not about being bad. It's just this is not the right place for you to get facts on what your life is going to be like. You need to engage with the professionals in your life for that as they are trained to explain your test results in a way that you will be able to understand. I remember enough to know that you have not fully understood them, but I don't think it's appropriate for me to try and explain as I'm not your doctor/therapist.

I know I and other posters have advised you to go through the test results with your therapist. I don't think you have ever responded to those suggestions. I suspect you've come to Mumsnet because you don't agree with the results or the professionals who are supporting you and you're hoping we will suggest something different. We won't be able to help with that - your best bet of living as independent a life as possible is to engage with them as much as possible, even if they tell you things that are hard or difficult to hear.

I really do wish you the very best OP.

how do you think they treat you so differently? Men will ghost when they no longer have interest, might be one night , might be a few. They think they don’t owe you any nice goodbye or explanation, which says more about them than you - they probably were n’t worth your attention in the first place. Your additional needs may come into it, and they may be more dismissive of your feelings as a result,

Thank you so much! I gotten some nasty responses on here like I don’t understand most things and they thought I was mentally challenged and no guy would want to date me and I should never have kids. The professionals said the opposite! I don’t know why some of you guys think of that of me.

I fear you are cherry picking the professional advice as you choose to hear it, to reinforce what you would like to do with your life. If you have queries about apparent conflicting opinions they are the ones to speak to , not randoms online. It is clear that inference, processing information and emotional intelligence are difficult areas for you. Your therapist can help unpick this and you come to terms with your limitations in real life.

Yeah I think you are right! I will listen to what the professionals think!

How do I know? Because all men will ghost someone with an intellectual disability when they figure it out. Almost everyone could figure it out for me. It definitely is the reason. And some people on here said I had a young mental age. And they said that some guys could take advantage of me. So what is the reason why they would ghost a mentally intellectual disabled person after sex? My disability was definitely the reason. It’s because he thought he didn’t wanna take advantage?

It is not that he doesn’t want to be thought of as taking advantage just that he has either

• gotten what he wanted - easy, consequence free sex
• realised you aren’t compatible (possible due to you disability) and doesn’t want a relationship
• you come on very strong and needy and too intense and ghosting is the only way
• he’s a jerk that enjoys messing with people

No-one here knows which. It might even be a combination of reasons.

Focus on what you can control, work on building living more independently with support. Work with OPWDD to find suitable accommodation. Find hobbies you enjoy and build a life based on that.

Nope it definitely was due to my disability because many guys who ghosted me before made comments on it.

But the point is some men would do this regardless. Is there much point in overanalysing poor behaviour or trying to look for a reason. Your LD may be off-putting to some or a possible reason to treat you badly but frankly they should recognise that up front and back off.

And while you cannot make them want a relationship or behave better, you can change your actions and attitude towards “hook ups” and the likely outcome by building your self esteem and respect,

Yeah but I made another thread explaining exactly why men ghost me. You should check it out and answer it. And I totally agree. Men will ghost regardless but it’s different for me.

Yeah you are definitely right!

Good god, not another thread about the sane thing!

It’s been deleted thankfully.