Do I have a learning disability or intellectual disability?

[Gymnastxo96]

If some of you were here on my last thread you said I had an intellectual disability because of my IQ of 76 and my low adaptive behavior score. Why do some people think it’s just a learning disability? It’s not right? What is my future like?

You are right I really should speak to a professional about it! I don’t know why they also said that I shouldn’t have kids because of my disability. They wrong for saying that? I feel like that’s eugenics. Right?? They said it’s the “truth”

This is the point at which it becomes impossible for people who are not professionally qualified and are not with you in real life cannot answer your questions. IF the professionals involved determine that any child you conceived would have to be removed from your care because you wouldn't have the capacity to do everything a parent needs to do, then preventing such a child from being conceived is not eugenics but child protection. Not being able to see the complexities involved and reducing it to a simplistic argument asserting it to be eugenics to stop you from having your own way is a piece of evidence that shows up a level of immaturity that I would find worrying if I was involved in making these decisions - but I am not. This is why what you need is to engage with properly qualified people in real life.

That rather depends how it affects your life and decision making. Chikdren need to have their needs and well being prioritised and it is a balancing act for parents to manage that and their own wellbeing. Are you able to work, run your finances, home, health, for example.

@Gymnastxo96I explained on your last thread that went round and round and round and round, that your combined IQ and adaptive functioning scores are what give you the mental age of 10-12 according to the quick google I did at your request.
You can ask the same question in a different way but you will get the same replies.

I’ll repeat what many others told you on your other thread: speak to your doctors, your therapist and your mum, and no, you shouldn’t have children because of the reasons you outlined yourself on the last thread. Your mum has guardianship of you got a very good reason and these threads prove why it is necessary. You have had great advice on the other thread and I suggest you take that advice.

Your IQ score, as explained by your doctors and others, classes as borderline intellectual functioning. Your low adaptive behaviour score further impacts your ability to live an independent life. The psychologist is highly unlikely to be wrong based on what you have told us and what you have posted. A court will not have given your mum guardianship based on a single doctor’s opinion. It is based on all your tests, how you presented to the professionals and to the court. Sadly, you are incapable of answering questions fully, understanding questions or the answers given. You don’t have the ability to understand your own limitations and that is why the decision has been made that you are not able to make decisions for yourself. You are in a very sad situation and these threads are not helpful to you. I stick to my advice on your last thread and wish you a life that is fulfilling but you need to accept that this will not include having children.

PLEASE READ OP’S OTHER THREAD WHICH FILLED UP WITH OP REPEATING THE SAME QUESTIONS AND BEING UNABLE TO ANSWERS WHAT POSTERS ASKED HER. I’M SHOUTING BECAUSE YOU WONT GET ANYWHERE POSTING ADVICE. Her posts demonstrate exactly why her mum has guardianship of her and in 1000 posts nobody was able to make her understand why the courts decided she wasn’t able to make medical decisions, why she shouldn’t have children and has an IUD in place, why the fact she isn’t in a stable relationship means she shouldn’t get pregnant, why her IQ and adaptive behaviour scores mean she can’t live independently, how she needs to talk to her professionals involved in her care and her mum, how the New York court system works in terms of guardianship and what she needs to do to overturn the guardianship, she was asked so many questions about what support she gets from her mum, what support she will need to look after a baby then child, why her mum has guardianship, how she is vulnerable and open to being taken advantage of by men for sex as she is approaching coworkers for sex. She was unable or unwilling to answer anything regarding support or why her mum has guardianship. She couldn’t understand that she is vulnerable and couldn’t take on advice. Yes, she can type in full sentences but her arguments are circular and demonstrate a significant lack of understanding into her own limitations and what care a baby and child would need. She is unlikely to be allowed to make any decisions regarding a pregnancy due to the guardianship and is likely to have a baby removed at birth causing trauma to both her and her child. She can’t understand this. It’s such a sad situation and these threads aren’t helping OP. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnetters_with_sn/5507784-how-can-i-deal-with-being-misdiagnosed-by-my-psychologist?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I’ve read part of the other thread. @Gymnastxo96 you seem preoccupied with “fixing” your impairments and how others (family, potential boyfriends, coworkers etc) perceive you. Sadly these disabilities are not something you can “fix”, they are part of you and may never allow you a “normal” life as you hope. What you can do is develop coping strategies to overcome some of the practical barriers in life, and it may be that some of the relative strengths within IQ score enable you to compensate for some of the deficits, but reality is you need to come to terms with your limitations. Your therapist should be supporting you with this. The Guardianship order suggests your difficulties are significant so it is unlikely that family and coworkers are unaware or need further explanation. Your social relationships are at best disordered, flirting with coworkers is generally disapproved of and “hook ups” can negatively affect the workplace and possibly lead to dismissal if against the terms of contract. Men may well take advantage of your desire for love and children, without you realising it, as you are vulnerable to exploitation in return for their attention.

It not not true that I’m not able to live independently. I am going to find a stable relationship so the guardianship won’t be forever and even the doctor said I didn’t have a mental age of a child. So why are you saying all of this? You are saying I can’t live a normal life? I can’t live like that! I want to be able to be independent one day and I am working on getting my life better for real! I am NOT mentally challenged!

This is NOT true! I am able to live independently with support even my doctor said this so why are you saying I can’t live independently? This is not true and I am in the process of trying to live independently soon. The supports that I have are OPWDD in my state and the reason why my mom has guardianship was because of impulsive decisions! You are sounding like I can’t live a normal life! How am I going to live like this if you say I can’t have kids in future or live independently? Most people and doctors say I can!

Yeah I think you are right! Did you read the response on here from the person that said I had a mental age of 10-12 and I could never have kids and be independent? She wrong for saying that? What can I be instead? I think this crosses the line and I can improve myself and I’m very high functioning. It matters what professionals think and they say I’m capable of doing anything! What should I do ?

Yeah you are right and yeah I am able to work full time, run my finances and health. I don’t know why the other poster said I am low functioning and can’t do anything. I really want to have kids in future and she is saying I can’t! Why are people like this ?

I am able to learn these skills on how it is like to have children. The professionals say I am able to have children but with support and parenting classes and I can learn to understand what it’s like fully. And many people I know say that I can have kids if I want to and my disability shouldn’t stop me from that.

There are instincts that your disability will play down. How do you manage yourself care, wellbeing , health, recognise when you are unwell or unsafe? Which professional have said this as it seemed on your other thread they had said otherwise. Parenting classes do not equip you to manage and prioritise a child’s welfare and wellbeing, just skills like changing nappies and bathing. Do you function well if sleep deprived?

Yes I am aware of that. My psychologist that said I am able to have children with support. I can manage my care and the baby’s wellbeing when I am unwell. I am going to accept the fact that I am going to be sleep deprived and I’m able to handle it because that is the reality of having a baby.

OP it's great that you have OPWDD involved and with their help I'm sure there's every chance that you can live more independently. That doesn't mean you will be able to just move out and live on your own though - which is what many people understand as being independent. Depending on the level of support you need, a residential home might be more appropriate, but that will be down to the professionals to decide along with you and your mum.

The best thing is to get as much information as you can from the professionals involved in your life. No one here can tell you what will or won't be possible in your future. Do you ask questions when you meet with professionals? It might be an idea to type a list of questions out beforehand so you are prepared before meeting them and can then find out as much as possible.

What you need to do OP is put relationships and babies on the back burner and concentrate on yourself for now. You need to stop thinking that you'll just 'get' a stable relationship as a way to get out of the guardianship and then have a baby with him and be a happy family. Relationships are much, much more complex than that and having a child complicates things even more.

You make impulsive decisions that are poor (because if they weren't then they wouldn't be a problem) and that is going to be a major issue in any relationship, when raising a child, or potentially even when living alone. So for now I would recommend just focusing on living as independently as you can with the help of OPWDD.

I forgot to ask how old you are OP?

You seem very fixated on this, which is part of your LD, and are minimising the challenges you may face. Reality of life tending to the needs of a baby, toddler or child is very different to the romantic view you hold and no parenting classes prepare you or are useful at 1am with a child screaming with a temperature or vomiting , for example. That is just as true for many a parent without any Learning Disability. Do you live with your mother or independently?

I am 30.

I still live with my mom and one poster on here said I am not able to live independently ever or have kids because of my disability. Is it wrong what she said? My doctor said I could live independently with support. I get services.

Yes you are right! And I am able to have kids as well and you think it’s wrong for some people to think that I can’t have kids due to my disability? I have services and they are able to help.

There is a big difference between managing your own independence and a life involving a dependent child. You need to address your own situation first to build up skills and confidence. It would not be sensible to consider adding a child into your life until you have coped independently for a while. What support services would you need to facilitate moving out? Is that feasible? Do you get a multi disciplinary review as your professionals seem to have conflicting opinions on your future.

We can't say for absolute definite either way OP. The best thing is just to slow down and concentrate on you for now. One thing at a time. Work with OPWDD to live as independently as you can.

I think you work part time OP, do you have any hobbies to help fill the rest of your time? Some hobbies might help take your mind off fixating on relationships and babies so much. There are many things that can make your life feel worthwhile beyond just relationships and babies.

OP It’s very clear you’re not following the conversation and generating your answers using AI. How about showing your mum these threads and having a chat with her?

You agreed that you had Bipolar 2 and Tourette's Syndrome in one of your threads.
It was actually in the post MNHQ redacted - the post where you uploaded your medical report.
Therefore there's no need to be disingenuous.

Yeah I agree on that! I should likey treat my bipolar because that’s where my problems are. The problem is my doctor refuses to put me on a mood stabilizer because she doesn’t believe I truly have it. I don’t know what to do now.