Neurodiversity thread - for all MNetters who are neurodiverse - ASD, ADHD, Dyspraxia and more.

[FaithAscending]

Welcome one and all to the new thread. A safe haven for MNetters who identify as neurodiverse, diagnosis or not, and those waiting for assessment. Links available in recent threads. Newbies welcome. We just ask that you introduce yourself

Thank you all :) Rural I think you've summed it up pretty well. Sometimes a feel like such a fraud, but I'm not sure I've any idea who I even am. I feel like a fraud thinking I might be autistic too. I even feel like a fraud as a parent of autistic children, even though they have been diagnosed by professionals. Does being diagnosed ever help you feel authentic, do you think?

Does being diagnosed ever help you feel authentic, do you think?

For me - it's taken a while, but yes. First 6-12 months or so, yes, still felt like a fraud making it up as an excuse and for attention. Getting better now though.

I felt like a faker for a while and questioned it all, but then I joined a few FB groups and read other people's experiences, real people, not textbook examples of people, and found I fit in.
It still feels a bit weird if I explain things to family, because they never knew me as autistic person.

Polter I've never seen that before

Hi Francine, I'm at that place too so I totally get it. I'm worried I won't 'act autistic' enough at the assessment. Some days I can make a phone call without too much effort and I question myself, but then I realise I'd just seized a tiny window where I felt motivated and calm enough to do it having put it off (even though today's was about rehoming a cat which is hugely positive for me). I just thought I was a bit odd, and that so many people cut all ties with me because I'm insightful so I prod them about what seem to me to be obvious emotional things, not realising it hurts them or that it's inappropriate. I feel like a child in a grown up world.

Polter, I'm being a bit slow today but what do you mean that it's a red flag? Like a big clue you're autistic?

Alba, this is exactly how I feel, too: I feel like a child in a grown up world.

Okay, I wasn't sure if I understood properly. I definitely feel like a fraud most of the time so it certainly fits for me.

More and more, I'm realising just how much sperginess I've been hiding from myself as well as everyone else. No wonder I've always felt like a fraud!

While waiting for my assessment, I went through all kinds of potential diagnoses...BPD (both Borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder), ADD, dyspraxia and even Imposter syndrome...I think for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I think it was difficult for me to accept that I was autistic because my knowledge of autism was basic and I thought typically of children with autism that are essentially 'locked in'. Secondly, when you have pretended your whole life to be someone you're not, it's actually difficult to accept the 'real' you. I've been diagnosed for 11 months and I'm still adjusting to it. I'm happier though.

BDH it's weird isn't it? I look younger than I should, I dress like a teenager and I'm told I have a young voice too. I also sing like a boy soprano!

My husband makes all the decisions because I'm basically incapable of doing so unless I've spent weeks reading up about even the slightest thing, but other times I'll do something stupid because I can't bear trying to think about it at all so I just go on impulse. I've just been stumbling through my life.

Faith, good to hear you're happier. That would really be the main thing I'd hope for from a diagnosis, I think.

Alba, I'm the same. I used to still get IDed for Lottery tickets in my early twenties!

I feel weird explaining things to family too, and I still keep my mask up around a lot of them, even my mum to a certain extent. It's like they've known me as NT all my life, and like I've somehow 'changed' to fit my diagnosis. Even though I was the same underneath, I'm just dropping the mask.

albadross I'm exactly the same. For example, DD is 4 so time to do her school application. Cue frantic googling of the local school, I think I read their entire website, ofsted reports (even though I think ofsted are a pile of shit), SATs results, went for a visit...

Went on the website to put the application in, of course you get 4 choices. So I put down as first choice, then picked 3 other schools at random that are in the same town as me, in any old order because I just couldn't go through all that again to decide which was my second choice.

Some days I can't even decide what I want for dinner. What makes me qualified to make life changing decisions like what school DD goes to?

Have had a lot of diagnoses and problems!

Mood disorder:

• Depression (varying severity level)
• Psychotic depression
• Agitated depression
• Atypical depression
• Hypomania
• Bipolar disorder

Some kind of catatonia Personality disorder:

• Borderline personality disorder
• Narcissistic personality disorder
• Unsocialised conduct disorder

Anxiety disorder:

• Generalised anxiety disorder
• Social anxiety disorder
• Specific phobias

Thought disorder Schizophrenia Accentuation of personality traits (type A personality) Autism spectrum disorder

Apparently this is what happens when an autistic women has mental health problems - doctors get confused. A lot.

Ooh, I forgot my anxious avoidant personality disorder!

Indeed BDH. Actually life has changed quite significantly in the last year. Diagnosis, DH started his new job, I have a new job to go to. We decided to move but now have changed our minds and want to extend the house instead. I've found a medication that keeps me balanced without feeling numb. I'm having counselling but it's much more effective because of my diagnosis.

Crohn DD is 4 in the spring so we are choosing schools too. I have gone to two visits...that's about it! We want her at the local village school which is walking distance. Next closest will be second choice. I've found it all a bit overwhelming. The visits are their first impressions of me and I had to mask so much I barely took anything in!

Sorry I'm a bit behind in the conversation but autisticrat, when I saw your cloud photos I wondered if you took them when on the set of Ghostbusters?

Sweary

Btw in case anyone's wondering, and because it's a dirty word on here, my ASD report specifically mentions the narcissism thing to point out that I'm NOT a narcissist and it was a misinterpretation of ASD features.

So many things that you've all said make so much sense. Yes to feeling like a child in a grown up world. Yes to worrying if professionals will believe me because I've masked so much for so long. Yes to hiding from my family too. Yes to either obsessing about decisions to the point where my head is spinning or going with any old thing without any thought.

When I was a teenager, I often thought of myself as a walking contradiction. So many things about me seem to oppose each other, like how I can be ridiculously over emotional or very logical. I'm both. But that doesn't really make sense, even to me!

The silliest thing is, even though talking to you lot is already making me feel like I've found 'my people', I still feel like an imposter

And yet, when I walk down the street, nobody screams and runs away 😂

Usually.

Any woman who feels she fits in here belongs here IMO. I was sad to hear that there have been people in the past who've stopped posting here because they were assessed and didn't receive a dx.