Neurodiversity support thread for women with diagnosed, self diagnosed or suspected ADHD and ASC

[BertieBotts]

Continuing the good work of the lovely EauRouge :) Our first thread in the shiny new section. Seems like they created it just in time for us to fill up the old one

Link to the previous thread

This is a support thread for any posters who feel that they might be (or know that they are) on the Autistic spectrum or have ADHD. Feel free to jump in! Some of us are diagnosed, some not, some trying to work out what it's all about. Women with these kinds of issues often present differently to men and as such, can go undiagnosed for a long time. Hopefully, we can help each other understand ourselves and be there for support along the way too.

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall

AS traits in women and girls by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie - Cynthia Kim's blog (Noted as being one of the only sources of information about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Women with ADHD by ADDitude magazine - this is a really good website in general (though it really needs a redesign). Lots of good, well researched info on ADHD and especially ADHD in women and girls. Do follow the links to other articles. They also have a closed facebook group which is good for info (FB is down so can't put the link up.)

Books
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!: A Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly. (This is available as a PDF somewhere online but I can't find it now - sorry!)

Speakers

This is a new one but it's something I've found really helpful so I hope nobody minds me adding it. I won't link directly to videos because they show up in the thread, but worth searching youtube/Ted/google:

Russell Barkley: Clinical Psychologist who specialises in the subject area of ADHD. He explains it better than anybody else I have come across and has practical solutions to support life with it. He is VERY long-winded, but his talks are packed with info. Highly recommend.

Ned Hallowell: Another psychologist who actually lives with ADHD himself and has interesting insights. Author of the book "The ADHD effect on marriage". He is a little bit cheesy but worth a watch.

Sorry I only have ADHD links to put here but if anybody knows a good ASC speaker, feel free to add!

Online quizzes

Of course no online quiz is sufficient for diagnosis, but can be a useful signposting tool and a starting point for discussion with your GP.

RDOS Aspergers test

AQ test

Adult ADHD screening test

Symptom checklist of ADHD in women

Hello, it's Faith with a name tweak.

Hello Keehar. What a difficult day, hoping you'd get a difinitive answer, especially after gearing yourself up for it. I agree though, while its not a 'Yes you've got ASD', he's actually saying 'Yes there's a root cause for your issues' and is something work exploring. Definitely stay here. My only official diagnosis is dyslexia (I suspect there's more) but that's why the quiche is about neuro-diversity, not specially ASD. It's for anyone who doesn't identify as NT and I reckon the support would be good for you.

Thanks Polter. I'm trying to be a bit more positive. Previous name seems a little lacking in faith! I am being more proactive of late.

I know what you mean about diagnosis. I just know I'm in the company of people who see the world differently, just like me :)

Yy to necklines in teeshirts and jumpers!
Why do they need to touch the throat?!?!

I used to spend my youth pulling the neckline away from my throat - like I was bejng strangled.
Until one twat boy in my a level maths class decided to tell me that when I leaned forward he could see my boobs straight down my top (no bra)

I couldn't sit properly for years after that.

Seatbelts, too. I'm a normal-height woman but they often don't adjust low enough to avoid touching my neck, which, like a close neckline, makes me feel strangled and sick.

Thank you Phil :)

Iam I'm really sorry your parents have reacted like this. I do think speaking to parents - or someone else who knew you as a child - is a pretty important thing, but then there must be some way round it if the adult has lost both parents. I emailed back and forth with the specialist before my appt and she was very understanding when I said how worried I was about my parents being involved. I think if I'd had your situation and had described it to her as you have, she would've been sympathetic to that and tried to figure out something else.

On another note I just got in from the home ed night out - amazing, am feeling really really happy. I sat with a couple of friends near one end of the table so that helped a bit as I wasn't right in the middle - actually ended up next to someone I've never met but we got on well too. Autism actually came up as a subject quite a lot as many home ed DCs have it, it was great to actually have a laugh about it in a nice way with people who really 'get it'.

It's a testament to how accepting the home ed community is here though. I never managed anything like this with other school mums. I knew when I took the DCs out of school it would change their lives but it's changed mine too! :)

Fuck it!

I just wrote a huge post, hadn't finished it, phone switched fucking windows on me and lost the entire fuckkng thing!
I'll try again tomorrow ....

Oh that's so nice fuzz :) I would love to do home ed but I suspect I'd be a total disaster at it. I'm a bit sad about it, actually.

DS had an upsetting day at school today. Another child "was annoying him" so he annoyed him back and it escalated and the other child apparently clapped four times on his head which made his nose bleed, I didn't see him come out at the end of school so went inside to look for him and the teachers were sitting patching him up. He actually has fairly frequent nosebleeds anyway, so I wasn't initially worried but then obviously upset to hear he'd been hurt. But is it bad that in the end after I established he was okay that I was sort of glad that he had had a nosebleed, because it meant that the teachers actually took his upset seriously and gave him some sympathy, whereas I get the impression if he had just had a bit of a scuffle with another child but with a less dramatic outcome, they wouldn't have done anything at all.

But he does actually like school a lot, and I feel less guilty about it being here as I don't actually have a choice. Home ed is illegal in Germany. And I was really touched to see that two of his friends actually came back and looked concerned and asked if he was okay, one of them even touched his arm and said oh, which X was it? The X from class 4 or the X from class 2? And it turned out the same kid had picked on him as well! Blows my mind when I see kids being so empathetic and lovely :)

I am meeting with my friend here tomorrow who has ADHD as well. She said she will come "at some point between 9 and 10" :o I like that we can just be disorganised and haphazard like that! Once I went to her house for a baby shower someone was hosting, and I hadn't had time to wash my hair beforehand, and she offered me the use of her shower, without blinking an eye, as though it was the most normal thing ever.

nickelbabe, I hate it when that happens!Sometimes I copy and paste my posts into a notepad file but sometimes I forget.

Oh, and you can't do it on a phone anyway.

I think I've figured out Facebook privacy settings. I've been really paranoid lately about what colleagues can see given that I'm off sick (while still having to, you know, live - like taking DCs to activities and stuff) and it's made me really stressed - fuck it though I've just put all my colleagues on restricted for now.

Oh TBH Bertie I probably am a bit of a disaster at home ed I'm very half-arsed about it :o I hadn't realised it was illegal in Germany. I'm glad your DS was so well looked after by the other children - so sweet! :)

I'm a bit worried about work this morning because my boss knew about the assessment and she said she'd have a chat with me about it this morning to see how it went. She's been very supportive but i'm not really sure what to say because she doesn't know about the issues that have caused the PTSD and any time I've ever told anyone they've not reacted well.

Thanks.

My mum actually phoned me up this morning. She brought up the assessment and autism. She was saying her and dad had a conversation about me making a rod for my own back being strict on stuff like when the kids eat and bath and how I a get really upset if my house isn't in order. They were also talking about my childhood. She ask me how I felt so I explained that being bi polar makes me feel broken crazy and thought of being autistic makes me feel like am not broken or crazy after all. She said that they will support me going for the assessment.

I posted a question on the Steve Silberman webchat - hope he answers it!

I can't think of anything to ask!

I have got left behind already! I am utterly hopeless at this kind if thread!

keehar sorry things didnt work out in the way you expected but I think that you will get an answer one day ! For now you should concentrate on the ptsd.

Good luck

I forgot about my comment/post and so I haven't tried again.
I've been on edge all week, though, post-meltdown.
I'm absolutely convinced it's not resolved and might spike again.
I just can't seem to drop it in my head. I keep needing naps, too, but I can't sleep at night

Hi nickel sorry you're having a tough time at the moment. Sometimes if I feel like that and I'm ruminating on something that's 'not resolved' I write a letter to someone relevant. The act of writing helps me to sort things out in my mind and put it into perspective. Sometimes writing 'gets it out' of my head, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I send the letter (always leave it a day or so and re read it first!), sometimes I post on here, sometimes the only person to read it is me. But maybe it's worth a try for you?

If things are going through my head at night I listen to music, that helps block out the thoughts.

I wrote an email.
It was a church thing. Basically I am convinced that one of the churchwardens is out to get me. She doesn't like me and I've been treading on eggshells since the last time she pissed me off - I've avoided her and been ignoring her (but talking when I need to - I've become a queen at masking), but it all kicked off on Sunday.
I had a meloncholy head on in the mornkng - told the vicar so.
I got my assessment letter last week - fill these in, send back within fortnight, who's coming with you (mum or ddad).
So spoke to mum on phone on Sunday afternoon - she says she's not coming with me (think scared of what might happen or worried it's her fault etc. I made it worse by calljng it autism instead of aspergers) had a meltdown, cried like a baby.
Went to evensong. Told choirmaster but not vicar (planned to tell him after, but thought choirmaster needed to know in case I was in a mood)
After service, churchwarden comes lokkng for me to clear up child's mess. Well duh! Hello, I do know! I've been sitting next to her! Anyway, I'm on the back foot now. Went to clean in my time, another chorister asking me olif I nees help (well, no, I don't but you're just going to hover and be annoying until I give you something to do so can you fetch the dustoan and brush)
Next thing I know, CW is hovering over me with the hoover. Now, church hoover is a dyson cylinder thkng - it's unwieldy, socket us miles away, I don't want the noise and I'm tired so j just want to do it quickly. I tries to explain this to her all the while she was insisting, unrolling the wire, deliberately pushing the issue and really overwhelming alk possible senses. So I melted down. Who was there... dh, vicar,CW, choirmaster, other chorister I don't know if anyone else. I could hear "please don't do this now andrea" but couldn't exactly do anything about it!!!
Pulled myself away and went to dustpanning. Other chorister starts asking me if I need help, if I nees to talk, anything he can do? While I'm still in my little meltdown mode, so I screamed at him. Carried on sweeping, everyone left , I was allowed to calm down in my own way/time.
Then saw vicar on Monday - he asks if I'm ojay. So I said no, I feel let down and then let it all out - last time this very issue (as) was discussed I explained and asked for help and support, stated that I need people to see signs of whelming and steer me out of it because I can't see kt from inside yet, etc but that because there have been no episodes or direct issues sin e then, I've been doing all this work and research, but they've forgotten about it like it doesn't exist. And then they're surprised and upset that I've melted down (after enough warning signs!!!) And it's blamed on me.
I managed to get in af least 4 analogies in my conversation with vicar, so happy
But basically explained that it's ongoing and that I do need regular meetings/powwows etcto keel the leadership tean up to date, and thaf they also need to jeep notes about how I might have handled something (or not) and whether they noticed anything that might have been a clue, in order for us to get a proper coping strategy in place.
Otherwise this is an issue that can never be resolved and they'll always see it as my fault.

Sorry.
Email was to vicar on Sunday night saying I was emailing without cooling doen or sleeping on it because it was important to get how I feel now.
Saying CW doesn't like me and to keep her away from me, and explaining the whole thing in nickelvision so he could try to understand.
I might have raved quite a bit about that sodding dyson.
I hate that machine.
I felt like her forcing it upon me was pushing my senses to their limits! (As well as being a condescending patronizing bitch. Only been cw since march and treats me like I'm a 4 year old who doesn't know how to clean up fucking eggshell)

Nickelbabe the last thing you'd need in a meltdown is a bulky wheezing Dyson cylinder! I too hate them with a passion .

Why on earth did the kid have egg shell anyways?

Actually I have a bugbear about food being in a church anyway. Seeing walked in food on a carpet turns my stomach. It is one of my "things".