Support thread for women with suspected/diagnosed/self-diagnosed ASD or ADHD

[EauRouge]

Previous thread here.

Hello all, I know I'm new but the old thread was full, so here's a shiny new one. This is a thread for adult women who have ASD or ADHD, or suspect they do, to support each other.

Here are some resources that might be useful:

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

Article about women and girls on the spectrum by NAS.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

Info dump complete

Please come and join in!

I'd love the details if that's ok. It's quite far away, but it might give me clues how to find something nearer.
I've talked to dh and I'm being more open about things now, and he's fine with it all.
I would like to talk to my dsis and mother, but I know without expert approval they would be dismissive.
And I know I don't need a diagnosis, but it feels like a really positive thing that I'm not a shitty, lazy person, so I want to know for sure!
Thanks Eau

Wooah! I have just had a blown away kind of moment in an ADHD facebook group.

I'd been vaguely wondering lately why I never really seem to feel any effects from caffeine. If anything, it makes me more sleepy. I remember as a teenager thinking that I must have associated coffee with staying up too late a bit too well, because it always made me sleepy. But anyway, the idea of caffeine making me sleepy seemed so ridiculous that I just put it down to being likely to drink it when I felt sleepy anyway. But I'd been wondering recently how it worked, looking up articles on the chemistry of it, etc, and wondering why it was that I don't really get any lift or extra alertness etc from it. I assumed that people were exaggerating the effect.

So, offhand today I thought "Oh, I'll ask on that ADHD group!" I asked about the ineffectiveness. Did not mention sleepiness because I'd discounted that so long ago. Every single person (five so far) said that it makes them sleepy.

So now I need to ask some NT (or at least not ADD!) people what caffeine feels like to them.

Eau that looks really good, and affordable too, thank you

Bertie that's really interesting. I did read that sometimes children with suspected ADHD are treated to see how they respond. People without ADHD are revved up by stimulants, people with ADHD are calmed by them. (And surely this shows that ADHD is a real thing? I can't understand why so many think these conditions are made up!)

I am very sensitive to caffeine so can't have too much. I can't drink coffee. I like tea very weak - if I have a couple of cups of normal strength tea I feel very jittery and agitated.
The last time I had coffee (it was quite strong!) I fainted and had palpitations, so I don't drink it now.

Yes, I remember when I first heard that Ritalin calms ADHD kids down, that was like a lightbulb moment for me (not having any inkling at the time that I might have ADHD, just at the idea that it was definitely real, kind of thing.)

Caffeine doesn't have much effect on me. It seems to perk me up, but then a cup of decaf does too, so I think it's placebo/psychosomatic/just the effect of having a warm drink!

Caffeine doesn't have much effect on me. A cup of coffee seems to perk me up, but then so does decaf, so I think it's placebo/psychosomatic/just the effect of having a warm drink!

Oops, ipad was playing up!

I am very sensitive to caffeine and these days it makes me anxious. 3 glasses of wine though really increase my concentration/focus (I think that is an ADD think). What is the ADHD forum you are on, if you don't mind me asking?

I've never tried going without caffeine It does keep me awake if I drink it too late into the evening unless it is mixed with vodka.

The facebook group is called Awesome women with ADHD. I don't know yet if I'll stick with it or not. Some posts are helpful but some are annoying, it's very different to mumsnet, and it's a large group with 9000 members so it overwhelms your news feed a bit.

I didn't know there was a new episode of Born Naughty :) I'll have a look.

I recorded born naughty then bloody ds took offence at the name and deleted it!
I'll find it 4OD.

We have a date for ds2's assessment and I'm in a complete spin about it and can't think about anything else, which isn't going down well with dh.

Thank you, yes, second opinion. The ENC wouldn't accept him without funding and has a huge long waiting list, so we've followed recommendations and are going to Warwickshire at the end of June.
A psychologist and a paediatrician, both very experienced with ASD and PDA.
I'm absolutely terrified, because if they can't see anything I'm not sure there's much else we can do.

Thank you

I am pretty sure I have ASD, my son has a diagnosis.

My husband agrees as do some of the parents from the ASD support group I attend.

Superficially I have lots of friends but I find it really hard to maintain.

Ove the years I have had some emotional issues, such as suicidal thoughts, I get really bad PMT and occasionally I get suicidal thoughts then, now that I am older and recognise them for what they are i cope a lot better.

I have a lot of sensory issues, with sound, smell and touch. Being tactile defensive has caused some problems in my marriage.

I have always felt like "Life" was just a big play, I thought everyone felt like that. Since my son was diagnosed and I began to recognise and know myself it has helped immensely, i am in the best place, mentally and emotionally that Ive ever been in.

The main struggles I have are with anxiety, I take propranonol which helps. Fight or flight instinct I hate, whenever I am in a negative situation or one that I think could be confrontational my whole body turns into a massive shake which obviously stresses me out even more.

I have considered getting a private diagnosis but feel like I would know the right answers to say if that makes sense.

Hi Bowwow :)
Glad you found this thread.
I know what you mean about knowing the right answers, but I think if you went for it the questions asked would probably be ones that would be easier to answer honestly rather than having to think of the 'right' answers. Then again, I've never been through that so I don't know!
I have 2 friendships I have maintained over the years, and I've realised that I'm not that bothered, now I don't care that people are judging me for being a loner.
Recognising who you are is great isn't it? I've had a few weeks here how and feel happier in myself than I have for years!

When I went for my diagnosis, it was as much about how I answered as what I said. I didn't even realise at first that it was part of the diagnosis, I thought we were just chatting about why I was seeking the diagnosis, and what I specifically wanted help with. He didn't seem to ask me scripted questions or anything, it was just a conversation. But at the end of the appointment he said he was 99% sure that I had AS due to the 'clinical experience of being in the room with me' and the questionnaires were just a formality. Some of the things he mentioned as evidence, I was previously unaware that I did, so there was no way I was just giving the 'right' answers.

I also suffer a lot with anxiety, I take an SSRI which helps with the 'background' anxiety and lowers the fight or flight reaction (doesn't get rid, but it's less intense and I physically recover quicker)

That is really interesting chronically. I've noticed that I cannot give a short answer to a question, I need to start at the start and give too much detail, get lost and I never ask if I don't understand something, always try to bluff my way around it. Its quite curious watching my own performance as something disordered rather than just me being shit and useless.

Bat I do that too, and go round and round in circles when I could have given a very simple answer.
I also can't take verbal instructions, even dd telling me about a text message, I can't take it in unless I can see it, or can see written down instructions.

Oh yes, me too! I hate conversations where the other person gives short answers because it makes me so uncomfortable!

It's interesting you say that Crohnically. When I went to be assessed for dyslexia, my assessor said something similar. Even down to the way I filled in the form gave him information. Answers to questions like Do you read much? My answer was yes, all the time. If I'd left it at that - not dyslexic. But because I then expanded because I always do by saying I only ever read light stuff, can't handle things that were heavy or complex. So what he saw in my answers was a potential dyslexic who had got to university level by pushing myself by doing extra reading. It's not just about what you say but the intricacies. Anyone assessing an adult for ASD will be skilled to look at that.

Yes I find verbal instructions really difficult too. I visualise the shape of words but you can only do that for one or two so I only get part of it and have to ask again and again. I really prefer things written out. It saves on anxiety as you can double and triple check you have got it right, rather than worrying you've muddled it up.