Support thread for women with suspected/diagnosed/self-diagnosed ASD or ADHD

[EauRouge]

Previous thread here.

Hello all, I know I'm new but the old thread was full, so here's a shiny new one. This is a thread for adult women who have ASD or ADHD, or suspect they do, to support each other.

Here are some resources that might be useful:

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

Article about women and girls on the spectrum by NAS.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

Info dump complete

Please come and join in!

BatFoxHippo we are very close to his cousin and wife who would be local. He thinks it's a different pace of life there (Devon) although I have to keep reminding him we would be working, not on holiday! Housing wise our money would not go as far though and I'd probably have to travel for work.

Sounds like it's bedtime in your house! I find all the big sensory stuff tiring too and need a break.

Eau I hope you have a stress-free journey.

ALittleFaith I do not handle change very well.

In my normal place of work I am one of the most experienced and knowledgeable staff, however several times recently i have been moved to other areas to meet demand and although the tasks are the same and often "easier", i feel completely out of my depth as i do not know where items are kept, I feel disorientated by the new physical layout and overwhelmed by working with different staff to point that doing the simplest of things I struggle with.
I had not realised until I started looking into aspergers that this was the reason for it or that how much I relied on routine at my work.

There are more and more things that i am recognising since i started looking into aspergers that i do without even realising.

The street I live in has on street parking areas where the cars line up alongside each other (none of us have driveways).

A few years ago, the council painted white lines in the parking bays. Since then I frequently get annoyed as none of my other neighbours seem to bother about parking within the white lines and just line their cars up next to each other in a row. (the same as they did pre white lines)
I always ensure that I park my car within the white lines, reversing in and out multiple times to ensure that it is correct and not too close to the white lines on either side, even if that means that by parking my car in the "correct" place there then is too small a gap to fit a car in next to me as i didn't just parked in a row like the others.

i get annoyed and upset with my neighbours as they are not "obeying" the parking rules like I am.

it has only just occurred me tonight that this might be an aspergers "quirk" and that none of my neighbours are stressing about obeying the white lines.

That would bother me too Stray.

I keep writing long ranty posts, thinking I'm wise and knowledgeable, read them after pressing post and cringe at myself. I can see that I come across as a not very clever woman on a mission and vow never to post again. Then I read a reply, the mist comes down and off I go again.
I embarrass myself.
No idea if this is an AS thing or just a twat thing . I'm always tempted to add another post after saying "Just ignore me, my brain did it without asking for permission"
I need a 10 minute delay on my post button.

I keep remembering things from when I was growing up. My best friend was my 70 yr old next door neighbour. A lot of the time I was in a fantasy world and on a horse. I counted white lines on the road in threes (for some reason they always perfectly fit into threes - they don't any more, which is very unsatisfying!)

I've been called for Jury service and it is really stressing me out. I can't even start thinking about how the actual trial is going to affect me because I can't get past the fact that I can not plan what is going to happen. You turn up on the day, you don't know if you are coming home or staying and then if you stay, you kind of don't know how long the trial will be. So you can not plan anything!!!! AND I LIKE PLANS!!!!!

This is so stressing me out, I am having palpitations. DH is really understanding but others don't seem to understand that what is really bothering me is the fact that I can't plan anything for these 2 weeks (or more) . It makes me realise how much I rely on my plans (and I am not talking about special event, I am talking about day to day plan, I'd planned out my whole term and it is messing it all up, and I can't replace it with a new plan!).
I think some people think this might make me weak, but I don't think so, because I think I could actually handle a pretty serious case, I just hate the lack of plan!!!

Does anybody get what I am trying to say. can anybody relate?

Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean! Do you actually want to do it? And do you think you would be able to be exempted from jury duty for medical reasons? (I don't know how it works)

Molly I think you can get out of it for mental health reasons, but iirc you need to prove that there is ongoing treatment. I wonder if a diagnosis of ASD would count?
Could you discuss this with your gp?

This doesn't make you weak at all, it's the stuff of nightmares when you need to know what you're doing each day.

I knew my specialist subject would come in handy one day :o
It's quite sad that it genuinely made my day.

Molly I would hate to have to do something with no definite plan. I would chat to them about your ASD, I'm sure they will let you off.

Well, we survived the flight back. DD1 was fine on the plane although she didn't sleep at all, then slept all the next day and was wide awake yesterday evening. We were trying to watch Dr Who last night but I kept nodding off Can't wait for everything to get back to normal.

thanks all for answering. although I am very anxious I wouldn't qualify for having debilitating mental health issues (which I think is the only thing that would medically get you off but I have written to them explaining my needs and part of me, is curious so we will see.
It is nice to share this with people who understand.

Eau glad to see you back safely.

Molly I have done jury service. I don't want to put you off because I know some people positively enjoy the experience but knowing what I do about myself now, I can see why I found it so difficult.

First there was the change as you say. I had to find childcare for my son who was about 10 at the time.

The worst bit though was being with the same group of people. Sitting around for hours on end. It felt very claustrophobic. Never knowing when you were going to be called in. I felt like a fish out of water with these people. They all seemed to be so confident.

The court was windowless and had some kind of lighting that was making me feel really sleepy. I really could not take in all the facts. I felt like a fake and just listened to what other people thought. A couple of times I did nod off due to the lighting and the stuffiness plus trying to concentrate.

In my black and white thinking I just thought how can I "know" if this person is guilty or not. I would have to have been there to make a true decision!

We were on two cases but luckily the second was cancelled as it was Christmas Eve or the day before, cannot remember.

If I was called again, I would definitely tell them that I am not really capable of assimilating the information.

Eau, hope you're feeling back to normal soon.

I've always had this idea that jury service means having to go to a town or city far away, meaning lots of travel (something that worries me).
Do you get sent to the local courtrooms?

Looking back through this thread I've had a real lightbulb moment when reading about bullshitty people. One of dh's best friends, and ds3's godfather, suddenly cut us out 2 years ago. He's having a big party this weekend and dh has found out through someone else that he's not been invited. Dh is hurt but can put it to one side. I can't stop stewing over it and feeling pissed off. We have no idea why.
I've also realised why I'm finding it difficult dealing with people wrt ds2. No-one will accept that I know ds well and can handle him pretty well. I've been told that perhaps I need to flatter them and show that they know more than me, act dumb, massage their egos, things like that. The thing is, it find people like this ridiculous. In social situations these are the people I avoid like the plague.
I lose all respect in these experts that they seem to be threatened by me knowing my son very well.
I'm going to see my gp about this and ask if there's anyone who can listen to me, take me seriously then translate it to the experts in language that will suit them, because I can't do it, I've tried and I sound even more like an arse than usual.

Not posted hee for a while as i lost the thread

Saw the clinical psyc last week (having 'passed' the cmh nurse assessment for referral), who says i meet enough criteria for her to assess me properly for asd and hopefully get an actual label!! (We had a long chat about labels...) Yay!!

That's great news

allo thank you for letting me know. I think if I get to the last 15 I will explain that to them.

Lechien, I think it is usually local but sometimes juries can be ferried somewhere else. Hopefully it won't happen (enough crime going around where I am, not to be ferried anywhere else!!). I am not thinking about that though, I got to get passed the lack of planning first! (not one for doing too many thing at once!).

Thank you Molly. I hope it's a very quick, straightforward case.

I've just spoken to my gp about possible AS.
She says she doesn't think I would get a diagnosis as I'm a functioning adult who has found strategies to help, and I recognise things that I find stressful.
She is referring me to a mental health bod to talk about this. She says it may be a mood thing, a personality thing or AS, or a combination.
She also said something about this explaining the problems we have with ds, as he's grown up with me as the example. I don't know whether to agree with this or to feel a bit offended, as I don't swear, punch or spit at people, I don't have roaring, violent meltdowns, and this seems to be veering into learnt behaviour territory again, which I'm not very happy with.

I wouldn't take it to heart too much, GPs generally know bog all about this kind of thing. I didn't ask my GP about DD1 (I'm shielding her from the awful treatment I got with the NHS), but I expect it would have been blamed on my parenting or her mimicking me.

Before you see the mental health person, you might want to do a bit of reading about borderline personality because that is a very common diagnosis and many people (especially women) are misdiagnosed with it. Not saying that you definitely don't have it, but it's something that you can be prepared for when they bring it up.

I will have a look, thank you.
I'm pretty sure it's AS, even if mild. There are things I did as a very small child that make perfect sense for AS.
There are too many things that were written off as me being a bit odd.
I have actually felt much happier than I have in years since having a lightbulb moment, as I've spent so much time believing I'm crap or selfish.

After a very quick look at a borderline personality questionnaire I'm how similar it is!
If they quizzed me on that it would probably come back as BPD.
I might bypass the mental health thingy and save up for a private assessment.

There are charities that can assess you for much less than a private psych. Have to dash out now but I was assessed by a charity in Northants, I can PM you the details if it's near enough for you.

I totally understand what you mean about the lightbulb moment. I think some NHS types underestimate how much a diagnosis can mean, even if it's not 'needed'.