Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

[OxfordBags]

Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

Bertie This is definitely not a sign of being the worst mum ever .
I don't get cross but carry on thinking about what I was doing which means that it takes me longer to process what people are telling me, and that is super annoying for everybody around me! Have you thought of explaining to DS what is going on. Perhaps DS could learn to gently nudge you when he wants something rather than speak. My Ds2 (6) has become really good at it, I have explained to him that my hearing is not always very good. If people talk to me when I am absorbed in thoughts it makes me very jumpy, if they nudge me I process things differently somehow.

Bertie obviously my DD isn't that old yet although sometimes I think if she says that one more time I'll scream! but my nephew is a non-stop talker and I get your frustration. No real advice, I'd hope if you can repeatedly say that you need him to wait until you're ready he'll learn.

Molly thank you. I'm on the POP so I can't take St John's wort. Work was better this week, although I worked with/handed over to two colleagues I don't like. I find some people so difficult. They're both so superior and condescending. Why can't people just be nice?!

I had a wobble that maybe I'm not ASD but have another MH issue. I obsessively did online tests. Results came back as vague - showed signs for major depressive disorder, BPD and BPD but not clearly in any category. Then I did another test and it came back resoundingly Asperger's! The wait to hear about assessment is frustrating me!

Out of interest, those of you with 'official' diagnosis, who did you disclose to?

It's more that I explain but he can't wait, or he doesn't want to. And sometimes I do say yes I'll get you a drink or whatever and then blank him for ages! I know I'm being unreasonable about it and I really do think I'm being unfair to expect him to understand. The thing is I can do it for hours at a time - a whole day sometimes. And it's not fair to him. He needs a mum who is attentive and aware of his needs even though he can do a lot for himself (getting drinks etc) he shouldn't have to do that all the time because I'm doing something which isn't really that important. I should be able to interrupt myself for his sake.

bertie be kind to yourself, life is stuff enough. Can you think of one thing ( or more feel free to go wild ), that you have done today for him or with him that was really positive?

As for disclosure: close friends,close family (including my eldest children). Nobody else needs to know. I am not trying to hide it but I feel very private about it. (Of course there is also the whole of mumsnet )

Out of interest, those of you with 'official' diagnosis, who did you disclose to?

Only family, and i told my boss after i started working to avoid any pre-conceptions which would stop me getting the job. A[part from that nobody else really needs to know.

I'd like to ask, how are your experiences with driving? Does your autism/asperger's have an impact?

I am having problems. I had a period recently when I didn't drive at all for 12 months due to effects of medication (incorrect diagnosis). I assumed that my confidence would come back (although I have never enjoyed driving).
I struggle with navigation, processing information quickly enough, and quick decision making. My whole day is now being shadowed by the need to drive at the beginning and end of the day. And this is a well known route. I can't even contemplate new journeys. My anxiety about it is growing, not diminishing, with exposure.

It took me 45 lessons (!) to be able to pass my test. Fortunately I had a realistic and patient if rather odd driving instructor who didn't put me in til I was ready and I passed first time. Sat nav has changed my driving experience. I hated driving to new places, couldn't follow written instructions and drive at the same time and got horrendously lost. Lots of tears and distress. Now with sat nav I'm ok. Happy to drive long distances.

Re disclosure, I told my DH and DSis about my suspicions. DSis was skeptical, DH pushed me for assessment. I reckon I'd only tell my family and very close friends. Maybe my boss in an 'off the record' way as she's very understanding.

I'd like to ask, how are your experiences with driving? Does your autism/asperger's have an impact?

I can't remember how many lessons i had, i know i had to do my theory test 6 times.
I passed my piratical second time.
I only drive for work so i take the same route everyday, very occasionally i will be brave enough to take the car somewhere in the day myself, but i don't feel okay driving.

How things effect me can vary from day to day, at my worst:

My sense of direction great and I've ended up smashing into a roundabout when panicking over following a diversion, I've had to change my tyre over that.
The major problem is concentration, anything over an hour and i start to hit curbs, drift slightly and so on. luckily 99% of the time the roads are dead, as I'm on them at 3 to 7 AM.

Thanks for the responses. I get the major (loss of) concentration issue too. I don't know how much of my problem is related to autism/aspergers, or straightforward anxiety. I would have thought anxiety would lessen with exposure though :-(

I want to learn to drive but I'm quite scared about it. I feel silly that I'm 26 and I can't drive yet but OTOH it feels like it's been so long that I've been in adult life without driving that it's hard to imagine being able to now. But it is annoying when I have to walk somewhere that takes 30 minutes which would take 5 in a car.

I worry about my concentration - I remember being in a car with my mum once and we pulled up and stopped at a red light and I was momentarily confused, because I'd been expecting us to keep going. Like I'd just subconsciously swapped red and green lights in my mind.

I don't have a diagnosis but suspect ASD/ADD or possibly both.

Like I'd just subconsciously swapped red and green lights in my mind.

If it make you feel any better, I have done this very thing, swapped the lights in my head.

There are secondary things your brain takes into account in these situation.

Having Cars behind, to the left and right of you not going means that you will no shoot off and go, also seeing other car come from the direction of the green light will stop you from jumping out.

True. And it was a completely empty junction so in actual fact going wouldn't have been unsafe (just illegal!)

Hello all. Back inJuly I posted on here that I suspected I had aspergers my whole life but I was completely ignorant as to how it manifested but seemed to describe me!

An update for you. I chose to go the private route with Tania Marshall by Skype. It cost me just under £300. Due to my ahem....advancing years.. I could not be bothered with NHS plus the resources could go to someone younger who needs it for the work place etc. It took two 2 hour sessions.

Also I hate to travel so this suited me better. Well she diagnosed me with Aspergers. Strange to think a whole life lived with the loneliness, anxiety, fears, phobias, depression etc. I feel strange and a little sad for the little girl, messed up teenager and troubled woman that has been me. At least I now know the reasons.

I really do recommend her if you do not need the NHS DX for services etc.

I passed my driving test at 40, I find driving at night particularly problematic, everything is sensory overload, I feel like I'm on the verge of a melt down all the time. In fact, I would say it's the worst thing I do, in terms of sensory overload.

I did the AQ test and I scored 12.

I'm a really shy person, I don't know how I scored that low.

.... and I'm in my early twenties. Which is a bit sad.

Well done mrwallet! It does feel strange after diagnosis. For me it was a bitter sweet relief.I also felt sad for the little girl I was and who didn't know. It has made me so determined to help my kids so they don't go through what I had to. I also volunteer in schools and I am always so happy when I can help the kids who look "lost", who don't ask for attention but are so relief when you help them out.
I have to say the diagnosis is the best think I could have done, everything seem to make more sense now and I have learn so much about myself, and others!

"Adrianna* the AQ test might not work for women as it was designed to assess male. I think it is more important to read books written by female on the spectrum ( liane Holliday Wiley or Donna Williams) and see if you relate.Also Alis:the curly hair project ( online) is good too and Willow Hope ( I haven't read her book though, she is next on my list ): I think the last 2 girls are in their 20's too.

For the RAADS test I scored a total 25.0, what does that mean?