Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

[OxfordBags]

Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

That sounds tough Batman. I hope you get sorted soon. I would definitely complain about the implication that your kids are the source of your difficulties!

Well I chased up my assessment today. They'd said I'd be contacted in a couple of days and it's been a fortnight. Apparently my GP got another form to complete and I'll be referred on to a specialist. Of course I'm now second guessing myself about it all. I expect if the ASD is off the mark they'll be able to look at other stuff. I'm wondering about bipolar but I'm not sure if completely fits so maybe both. I had a job interview last week and was stimming like mad beforehand. I didn't get the job :( Apparently I was second best. I'm frustrated because the woman who got the job interviewed better than but I don't think she'll do a very good job! Is that mean? She's a nice person but a lazy nurse not that I'm bitter

So anyway the waiting continues but I guess I am progressing.

How is everyone?

Strangely I do. I think it's because I become super focused on saying the right thing and making eye contact! I was pissed off because two people ignored the Do not disturb sign and interrupted me.

I do that ALittleFaith, I am highly focused in interviews, which makes me think that I shouldn't worry about them. Do you think it is Adrenaline, that does it?

On an other note, I have a big aspie rant today. I couldn't believe the amount of anxiety among parents over their children being teased for little details such as having a box or plastic bag for lunch and how one or the other could mean social suicide. But then I lived it first hand this morning, when I dropped off DD (first day in year7). Apparently the collar has to go under the jumper!!!! So poor DD had to have the added worry of deciding how she should wear her collar as she overheard some girls anxiously talking about it!!!! Honestly what is up with these kids! Would they really tease someone on whether the collars are on top or under the jumper….this is the kind of thing I will never ever get!!!!

Maybe it is adrenaline.

Molly it's a nightmare, isn't it? DD is only 17 months old so got all that to come but it does worry me for the future.

hi all! Marking my place so I can catch up.

It's been a busy shit summer, I've been struggling to complete my latest OU module, I didn't get a break from the DC's all summer and my ASD dx seems to have brought the worst out in my mum and sister. In a nutshell, apparently I'm a bitch who has messed up DD - or - the dc's are fine I'm just a shit parent (depends which one you talk to).

I'd join the stately homes thread but I'm already juggling LP and peri-menopause threads, plus this one.

oh, I do work 3 days a week . But it doesn't seem like a break. I'm always rushing from home to work to home.

I went to the gym today. It hurts and it's great!

I'm actually going to see the ASD team this friday. I want to read them the riot act about my report before it goes to my GP. It's so heartbreaking reading it, it makes me sound like I'm an unemotional robot . They did said they had to make the report very definate (what's the correct word there?) because it's got to overturn the previous assessment. I'll let you know how I get on.

I am tired. social hangover again! DS struggled to adapt to holiday and then to going back to school, DD started secondary school and I have been a ball of nerve but of course only realised it affected me once I started relaxing if this makes any sense. Luckily she went nicely almost everyday so no big meltdown in the morning…yet! Now have a list of meetings with new sencos, and teachers, social stories to write and general management of a neuro-diverse family! this is on top of an enormous pile of ironing that I am desperately trying to avoid…oh and my house is a tip: why can't my special interest be cleaning!!!!!

How are you all doing?

Hello all.

Molly that sounds like a positive start to the school year! I only iron what is absolutely necessary - DH's work stuff and my uniforms. I found I wasn't coping with the household stuff so we employed a cleaner. Worth £30 a fortnight to minimise my stress (DH bore the brunt of it). We are fortunate that we can afford it.

I'm feeling very down. DH described at as 'going through a depressive phase' which I think is fitting. I'm not full on depressed (I have been before). Just very low, frustrated. I'm very disappointed about not getting the job I went for a couple of weeks ago. I got some feedback and basically I wanted it so much I came across as nervous. The successful applicant didn't really care if she got it so she was relaxed . Apparently there's other stuff coming up. Frustrated in the mean time though.

I realised I chose a bad career in terms of helping my needs! I'm a nurse - busy, changing work environment, irregular shifts, contact with people all the time. What was I thinking?! At least now I work set shifts. This week I've done different shifts and it's really thrown me! Back normal Sunday.

This dropped off my convos for some reason.Thanks for the welcome

I agree it's an add on to my mums crappy behaviour rather than an excuse. I do look at her in a whole new light these days though. She really tries socially but struggles a lot, hence the alcohol dependency I guess. The school gates where always a challenge for her and I know she struggled to fit in. I absolutely dread nursery pick up and having to make chit chat. I have no idea what to say and often say something inappropriate

I'm a nurse too. It's fitted in quite well for me I think. It's all about routine which I can do. I'm crap with long term patients though as my awkwardness starts to show after a while - much better in acute. I enjoyed shift work as I got time to myself in the week and could get out of social stuff at weekends! Couldn't make it work with DC's though. I found combine two changing routines too much.

meg sorry you are feeling down. I get what you mean about routine and shift work though you are doing such an important job and helping so many people. Have you ever tried St John's wort medicine. I never have but I am told it is really efficient for low moods and it's natural so no nasty side effect. I hope you feel better soon!
Holey wow!!! that is a lot of sport…very impressed!
Superworm- Sometimes it can take me 1/2 day to recover from a 2 min conversation at the school gate. Some people want to go to work because they miss the social life..I think the school run is enough for me!

Meglet.
I have "known" you for over 6 years.
You are one of kindest and nicest posters on mn and I always looked forward of your posts on the ante and post natal threads.
I am sorry the report has upset you but please remember - it's a snapshot of you on a particular day for a period of time.
It's not "you"
Remember when I got an EP report for my ds1? I read it and did not recognise the child it described.
Wrt you mum and sister...I am horrified at the things they have said to you.
Playing devils advocate, do you think that your mum feels guilty she never went through the Dx process with you? She sees you doing it for your dc and it's triggers emotions she cannot cope with?
Maybe?
My mum is a bit like this. If she is made to feel guilty she goes in the attack (in fact my while family are :()
Take care x

Sorry my earlier message about St. John's wort was for alittlefaith not meg!

meglet sorry to hear about your mum and sister making you feel so bad. I think badvoc is making a good point. Sometimes I think parents can find it difficult to admit that they should have done more for their kids. And admitting that your dd and you have asd mean that she has to admit to herself that she should have done something about it. Also has your sis got asd trait as well? Because the other problem, I found is when family members don't want to admit that they have traits themselves, then they deny that you have....how did your visit with the asd team go?

Can I ask an ASD/ADHD related parenting question?

When I get hyperfocused about something, I find it so hard to cope with any interruption at all. Of course, with children this isn't possible to avoid. And while DH is quite happy to leave me alone when I explain I'm doing something right now, DS (5) isn't, and I end up getting quite snappy and short with him. I've even pushed him out of rooms before which is horrible :(

How can I manage this better and not feel so angry with him? If it's something I know I need to focus on then I do try to work out times when I won't be disturbed (e.g. when he's at kindergarten) but I don't always realise in advance that it's going to happen.

Does anybody else get this, because I feel like the worst parent in the world when it happens.

Hmm, see this is how I've been feeling, like I never do anything and I'm trying to change that.

I don't work that much either so I am lucky to have several mornings at home to myself and DH isn't a problem as we tend to do our own thing in the evenings anyway.