Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

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Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

I don't know the RAADS test, I've never done it. I think a few people on here do though, somebody will come along soon!

Molly Thank you very much for your message. It was really nice to read today. I love what you are doing for those kids at the school, knowing a person is on their side must mean an awful lot to them.

I found it hard to sleep last night as my mind was in overdrive, also today, but I suppose lots of memories are surfacing. She told me they would. :)

Poltergoose Thanks.

I think I may have ASD. I've always been a shy child. I had first DS when I was 16. ( I know...young) and since I became a mother at that young age, I used being a mother as an excuse to avoid social outings etc.

Though I do care a lot of what people think about me and I think that was part of it. If I acted my true self to people that I didn't really know, I would assume that they would instantly take a dislike to me. So I just stayed quiet.

I'm not sure if that's a symptom.

I'm Chris, and I think I have ASD/Aspergers on some level.

I did the RAAD test up thread and scored 156 (in the asd category across the board), although I only score 32 on the AQ test.

I think I have finally decided that I want a diagnosis. I'm quite happy with it being private since I'm not working at the moment, and it's really for my own peace of mind. I need to know why I think the way I do; why I find things so hard to deal with; why routine, self-stimming, presenting the correct social response, social hangovers, anxiety at any change, dislike of any kind of social contact outside of dh and the dcs, make up my day to day existence.

I worry that I'm just trying to find an answer where there isn't one.

But... When everyone else talks about how you have to go to a crying baby or a ringing phone... I don't. To me it's a practical decision, not an emotional response.

But I do have empathy. I do care.

Someone mentioned eye contact way back up thread, and I know all the "rules" of eye contact, and follow them to the letter... Unless I'm upset with the person, and then I cannot make eye contact with them at all.

I don't want to go to the gp. I worry I'll just be told I'm depressed or anxious (I'm currently neither).

I worry I've developed hypochondria. I've always tried to find who I am and why I'm different to my mother (who cannot understand why I can function without a thousand social interactions a day).

Where do I start looking? I've googled, but midwales doesn't seem to have anything.

I am also an excellent driver. To me a car feels like an extension of myself and I love nothing more than a set of black and white rules to follow :)

I hope it's ok for me to post.

I have been through a process of self-diagnosis over the last 6 months and am just about extremely certain I have AS.

After spending the past couple of months building up the courage, I made an appointment with my GP.

Things did not go to plan! Dr was dismissive of my concerns and insistent I have anxiety/depression as 1 in 3 other adults do. She suggested I put my long annotated list of symptoms in the bin and offered me antidepressants.

In response I lost all of my planned assertiveness, cried, shut down, became defensive and left.

I'm really not sure where to turn now. I feel like I am in limbo without an assessment/diagnosis, like I cannot discuss it with people - I can't claim to have a condition and be taken seriously without it being confirmed by diagnosis.

What should I do? The thought of re-approaching my GP surgery makes me want to run a mile. This is my first post ever and I would really appreciate any advice at all.

Wilsey, I'm so sorry you were cut off like that :(

Could you bring yourself to speak to a different gp?

MrWallet - thank you. I wish I could do so much more though. I feel very frustrated sometimes as I don't know where to start. the person who diagnose you is right. Things did play on my mind a lot after diagnosis. I saw my whole life differently and got cross sometimes at others and sometimes would cringe at my own behaviour! this book www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergers-Syndrome-Mindfulness-Taking-Refuge/dp/1843106868 helped and so did this one www.amazon.co.uk/How-Happiness-Practical-Guide-Getting/dp/0749952466/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1411649521&sr=1-1&keywords=the+how+of+happiness. I went through it though and it was really really worth it!

chris and wilsey- welcome.

wilsey I am so sorry this has happened to you. I completely understand your reaction and do not blame you for not wanting to go back. I think you were so brave to plug up the courage to go and see your GP. I think you have several options: change surgery and try again, consult a private psychologist (I think there is a couple of people recommended on this thread) or call the National Autistic Society (NAS) helpline. If anything they will be a listening ear... oh! and keep posting on here. We get it!

Chris. there is something on this thread on empathy, have a look up thread. A lot of us have empathy, sometimes too much! Have you thought of consulting a private psychologist, you could also call the NAS for advise and keep posting here!

adrianna22 have you spoke to somebody about how you feel?

Thanks FYouChris.

Speaking to another GP I know is my only option really and it will likely take me another couple of months to re-build up some courage. If I am not taken seriously a second time I think I really will develop depression! Wish I could afford to go private.

Molly, it was the empathy thing that made me think this couldn't be me. Then I read something that said that women can often present with more empathy than someone NT, which is when I started looking into it.

I just think the chances of finding a psychologist with any experience of diagnosing adult women is incredibly limited.

NAS is probably the way forward, just wish I wasn't terrified of phones! :o

Thanks mollyweasley also, I think a call to the NAS helpline is the next step for me.

I've yet to meet anyone on with an ASD without empathy. I honestly think it's a myth that has been past around so much it shows up as on a lot of lists.

Polter I know! It is a recurring story of women either getting fobbed off by their GP or not having the confidence to approach in the first place for fear of being fobbed. There is a lack of awareness amongst GPs that is damaging.

For me also I feel this is so massive and goes beyond myself. Since realising this stuff about myself I also realise my Mum, bro, sis and nephew all have many many traits. I therefore feel unable to discuss it with them - don't want to bring it to their attention without them having realised for themselves. Oh and this has all come about since DS preschool suggested I may want to get him assessed. I vehemently argued against at the time and now two years later school see no problem at all with DS and I see the traits (he masks v well as if female presentation)

Jason, it's such a pervasive myth too! If you had asked me before, I would have said that a lack of empathy was the key trait of asd. And I have had training and worked with children with asd. Looking back, I never questioned the trait, but there was a distinct lack of it in many children. Why didn't I question it?

Polter, it's awful isn't it? I've never had hypochondria, ever, but I have had anxiety on my medical records, and I do worry that would just make any gp leap to "depression and anxiety" instead of listening.

What an awful experience Wilsey. I'm currently waiting for assessment. My GP was honest and said she wasn't certain I had ASD but understanding how important it was for me, referred me anyway. I hate phoning. Doing everything online/via email these days is so much easier for me!

If anything, I think I have too much empathy. I try to understand other people's feelings so much I sometimes get overwhelmed by them. For example after my friend had a stillborn baby I was very depressed because I kept imagining how she would be feeling. I had to tell myself it wasn't my grief.

Hi Wilsey and FUC. I wonder if they realise that they have a volcano on their hands regarding women who have lived for so long undiagnosed and it is creating expense for them.

There is a lady in Coventry called Maxine Ashton/Aston who does diagnoses. I was quoted £395 for the diagnosis and £95.00 for a follow up letter. I decided not to take this route as its a long way for me to travel, would have been expensive plus I would have been a nervous wreck I think.

My post on previous page shows how I was diagnosed by Skype by Tania Marshall for just under £300. It took 2 Skype sessions each lasting two hours and we did the RAADS thingy whatsit. I had 176. I had done it online and was 174.

You know, I have never felt sure of anything in my life except that I had aspergers. Reading a blog by a lady called Samantha Craft (Everyday Aspergers) confirmed it for me. Here is a lady who describes my mind perfectly.

I have been going to doctors, psychologists and once a psychiatrist (who told me to go away and stop thinking so much) and on and off anti depressants since I was 15. I am coming up for 60, so its been a long and lonely haul. Tania Marshall was very thorough and she is involved in bringing to the light that girls do get Aspergers, they present very differently to boys and that it is genetic and you cannot change it, only cope with it as best you can. Good luck you two. x

PS. Anyone noticing just how well us girls with ASD communicate through writing? I have always been able to express myself in the written word, not so the spoken.

Thank you, MrMallet :)

Writing is so much easier!

I had a long chat with dh this evening. He thinks I need to find out, that it makes perfect sense, and that we should give the gp a go first. He's probably right. I'm going to sleep on it.

I think I really need to know. It's the only thing that explains everything about me.

Huh that's weird, I'm always told I'm very articulate in writing and the same if I write a speech and learn it, but in person I can fuck things up quite easily very quickly and often say the wrong thing or mix up words without realising.

I used to live near Coventry. Shame I'm abroad now.

Hmm, I'm a mixed bag with writing. I'm dyslexic so sometimes I write how I think (which doesn't come across well) but if I stop and look back at what I wrote I can 'translate' it in to normal people speak. The hard thing with direct communication is remembering everything else - eye contact, body language. I have 'foot in mouth' syndrome a lot of the time. I reckon I come across better online. I've made 'friends' through MN I trust more than RL people!

White coat syndrome - it's very common. Writing stuff down really helps. It's something to do with us perceiving them as in authority and a barrier to what we want/need that makes you feel anxious which prevents the words which leads to more anxiety, etc etc.