Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

[OxfordBags]

Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

I'm not sure it is hugely likely either, but from a reputation perspective of how your diagnosis will be viewed it's maybe relevant -there's probably a difference between a psychiatrist at a major hospital, and a solo practicing psychologist, and lots of layers of difference in between

Can I ask if this is a "thing".

Does anyone else have huge trouble accepting things which are supposed to "just be that way" and don't distil down to some logical base? For example the Magaluf girl thing in the news. (Someone took part in overtly sexual behaviour as part of a drinking game and it was filmed and put on the web) Even on the feminist threads where I thought there would be nothing of the kind there were people saying that she should be ashamed. I get quite - not angry but agitated and frustrated by it because it doesn't make sense that it's wrong. She didn't hurt anybody, she didn't steal anything. The behaviour was risky but so is drinking in the first place, or smoking or parachute jumping or race driving. Lots of things.

I get a similar thing occasionally DH will say something is "extremely rude" and I'm totally as to how it's supposed to be rude at all let alone extremely. Or when someone says that a child has done something "naughty" but can't define down what that is, it's not that they're wasting things or making a mess or hurting anybody or even being annoying, they're just "being naughty". I can't get my head around any of these things, and if I'm having a discussion about it in person I get really frustrated and shouty because their argument seems to be "because it JUST IS" and mine is "That isn't a reason!"

Yeah bertie I think so. I think it is part of the whole " seeing/processing the world differently.

holey and stats I bet it must all come down to money. If you have an nhs diagnosis then the state would have to allow for more support whereas they can deny the validiy of a private diagnosis. Now I am being cynical

I think it's in Customise :)

No - My Mumsnet. For the world cup.

FWIW I got quite annoyed by a horrible male student's cavalier attitude towards women, sex and STDs on last week's The Secret Life of Students. It seemed really vile to me :(

I've been really slack checking in here lately. I don't think I even updated you on how my session with out local autism network / team / group went last month.

It was crap . They basically have no idea on how to deal with adult, employed, home owning women with ASD. Not a clue. No real support is available. I basically drove to the meeting to be given a pack of information that they could have posted to me . I knew more about ASD than the coordinator did.

The only resource they did have was a huge libary of ASD related books, but because I'm not local I couldn't get them back in time. Would be less hassle to buy them that wasting time and petrol to drive there. But I had a good browse and established there are probably no books by parents with ASD parenting their own childrens with ASD. Possibly because we're all exhausted and muddling through .

Anyway, I'm heading back to my desk now. Have been on my lunch break getting some sun. Will pop back later and catch up properly.

I get the feeling that my local place is similar -lots of focus on unemployment and housing issues, which I know are real problems for many with asd but not quite what I need and not what it sounds like you need either.

I feel like I'm asking a million questions

Can you tell me about self stimming? I've been wondering about it. From googling I understand that everybody does it to an extent (pen tapping etc) but now I'm wondering if some things that I do are "abnormal" kind of stimming things. The first one is that for as long as I can remember I've always fiddled with the corners of pages, sliding it under my nail as you might to clean the dirt out from under them. I've done it so much that on a few of my fingers the part where the nail is white and separate is much lower down than it should be because it's been pushed down and sometimes I get paper cuts under my nails and that really hurts.

Related to this is that I really really love edges of material, it has to be the "sharp" edge where it's been selvedged, or a very sharp crease in thin cotton is perfect too. I have to rub it between two fingers and sometimes if it's thin enough I'll run the edges under my nail as well. If I can't do this I sometimes do it to my earlobe instead. Sometimes I get an urge where I just need to touch the skin where my two fingers join together and then I'll have to do all of them, so that the other fingers don't feel left out

I've always been known as a "fidget" due to general tapping, kicking legs, not being able to sit in the same position for very long etc but sort of assumed that everyone did these things. My other and probably most constant one is to find hangnails and fiddle with them until they fall off, but my favourite part is when I can just push it back and forward without it hurting.

I suppose they're all fairly unobtrusive (don't lend books to me though!) and I've never really thought anything of it, apart from worrying that I might one day push my nail bed too far down and it will fall off. But I've quite often wondered why I do that one, in particular, and why it feels so good that I can't stop (often, I don't even notice that I'm doing it).

Okay, thanks! :)

Holey, you might like a bit of satirical humour around the topic: isnt.autistics.org/

(it's a send-up of NT behaviour, in diagnostic terms)

Bloody hell 187, I thought I had a few traits, maybe I should look in to a diagnosis.

Holey I don't know any adults who engage in behaviour like that so take heart, it isn't you! They sound like school children.

sassh where did you get the number figure from?

It would confuse me too. But I know there have been threads on here where someone has had the same issue in the past where the vast majority of posters have gone "WTF? You can be friends with whoever you like, they are being ridiculous and immature"