Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

[OxfordBags]

Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

Thanks polter, I will think about getting in touch with them.

I don't know if any of you will get what I mean, but I think I am actually more scared of being told that I don't have aspergers than of getting a diagnosis. Because if I have it then there is a reason I am like this, there's a reason I can't make friends or cope socially and keep cocking up in jobs I should be capable of doing
But if I'm not aspie then that means I really am just this horrible, useless and totally unlikeable person.

Yes it will.

I'd recommend that you write out something for your GP. Outline your reasons for requesting a referral. This would probably include the impact of your issues on stuff like social interaction, communication, cognition. The impact on your work situation would be an ideal focus - you could give an overview of your work history and relevant examples across time.

The reason I suggest this is that it will a) help you clarify and put across why this important, and b) it will be a written record of your request. This is harder to ignore or fob off.

I think I will try to write stuff down, that's a really good idea especially as I will probably do my normal nervous routine and talk incessantly!!

Can I ask, does anyone doodle obsessively, especially when stressed? I've always been a bit of doodler but recently it's got ridiculous and my work notebook is just full of very neat swirls and patterns.The only pages which don't have it are from meetings where I've been taking loads of notes. It's kind of obsessive, I realised today that I could hardly stop myself doing it even when I tried. When I didn't have the pen in my hand I immediately started fiddling with something else but just wanted my pen back!

I love doodling! Although most of the time it doesn't look like much!

No, mine is all swirls and loopy patterns, or flowers. But it's quite obsessive - when I actually thought about what I was doing earlier I realised the swirls had to be smooth, I'd keep redoing the edge to try and get them to be neat and perfect. But it's far far worse when I'm stressed...can doodling be a form of stimming?

Glad it's not just me!

catching up.

I think it could be a form of stimming ... It is actually a good one: discreet and no harm done (not like biting nails or cheeks).

Statistically: I am awaiting a full diagnosis and have seen work's OT, unfortunately I haven't seen any reasonable adjustments yet because I have been off with GP certificated depression for the past fortnight. I totally get your problems with management, sometimes I just want to scream 'read the bloody Wiki page on Asperger's and see what it's all about.'

Yes, I doodle too, esp in very long meetings. Usually the ones I'm not minuting!

I'm off to the docs on Thursday so will see how that goes and if it goes "well" I might contact Occupational Health and see what they say.

I'm a bit worried the GPs are going to say that I'm stressed/depressed/both. Which I undoubtedly am - but I think it's a symptom rather than the cause! My DH has been reading a few things and read one blog last night by a guy whose partner has Asperger's and said every single thing clicked.

Discovered today that I have a big problem with eye contact - I hadn't noticed I do it as I do look at people's eyes, but I realised today that whilst I can look at people's eyes in a meeting etc when they aren't looking directly at me, as soon as they look at me I look down and break the contact.

I get the impression that GPs are becoming much more aware of AS with specific reference to the female type. That said, the OH I saw knew very little indeed and by his own admission had just looked it up on the web.

Everything in the female centric AS blogs makes sense IMO, well, apart from the maths competency.

I can do eye contact but don't like overt gazing. I think that my face must show boredom quite blatantly during meetings though.

That's good to hear GerbilTamer. I've discovered that we do have a specialist adult autism unit here, and the main psych at that also works for the local private hospital so if necessary that's a potential route.

Funnily enough I have the maths competency too - I'm a part qualified actuary! (totally outs self to anyone who might recognise me)

HoleySocksBatman, I do that too. I also spent my last one to one with my boss staring at her scarf and how the colours matched her cardigan and being fascinated by when the bits the same colour lined up. Weirdo that I am!

I'm so glad I found this thread. I've actually suspected I have ASD for years but I've never actually done anything about it. I'm not sure what getting a diagnosis with achieve, it will just confirm that there's a reason for the way I am and I'm not just weird. But it wouldn't change what I find hard.

Also (and I'm glad someone else said this) it's actually a fear of mine that I will go for an assessment and be told that I don't have it. That would actually be worse than being told I do have it (which probably seems weird) because then I'll know that there's no reason for it and I am just a socially inept weirdo.

So I guess for now I will have to live in ignorance.

I am very interested in hearing from others who were diagnosed as adults and how it helped/didn't help.

Welcome PinkHamster. I decided to go through the dx process because if I don't then I'm in serious danger of losing my job because of the meltdowns. However, it's not a step everyone needs to, or indeed wishes to undertake. Support for adults with ASD is scant to say the least.

I have my first (of six) phone counselling sessions tomorrow morning.

I think if I do go down the diagnosis route, only to be told I don't have it then I think that would be worse than being told I do have it. It would just confirm that everyone was right about me all along and that I'm just weird and need to make more effort.

Then if I get told I do have it, then what? There's nothing much that can be done, is there?

pink if you get told you don't have it then ask for a second opinion. My first assessment was a joke and the woman who was frankly a bit batshit said I didn't have ASD just severe anxiety and depression. TBH it did cripple me a bit but my family (and me) were so sure I did have it we just went back to the GP to ask for a second opinion. Yes, I was shitting myself but I was feeling so fed. I went through with it. The second opinion team had me diagnosed within a couple of hours. I burst into tears when they said I had it . I blubbed out how I thought they were going to tell me I just a shitty person.

Personally I suspect than any bright adult that suspects they have it and can tick off a lot of traits, does have it. It's just getting soomeone who knows what they're doing to confirm it.

Its so bloody hard going through the process though.

I've got my first support meeting on friday, I'll let you know what they say.

And I work in finance / accounts too. Lots of lovely tasks I get to be accurate on . God forbid my routine is broken by a meeting though .

Don't you all find it unsettling not knowing though? I couldn't carry on without knowing, I think it is because I am very black and white. I think the only thing I was worried about is to look silly for thinking I had it and not have it. It really helped to have DH on board, I think that I knew that to him either way, it wouldn't make a difference. He hasn't read much on AS but I think a lot of things make more sense to him now. We also realised that most of our arguments was an NT-aspie miscommunication issue, which means that arguments are resolved more easily and are properly resolved now ISWIM. The diagnosis hasn't change the fact that life is still not as easy as it could be, it even got a bit harder for a while but I don't think as hard as it would have been with me wondering about it. If I had to do it again I would without a doubt. I feel much more in control and much more confident. I have also developed more appropriate coping mechanisms which mean that my life is much more about relaxing and enjoying as much as I can, rather than coping and worrying whether I am doing the right thing. That is all definitely worth a diagnosis.

I couldn't agree more with Molly's reasoning for a formal dx. I need to know for so many reasons. For me I think I am going to stay at home as much as I can until I can find a path back into some kind of normality.

Has anyone received any support from friends at all?

I have 2 close friends ( both very independent ladies ) and the way they have been supportive is by being completly non-judgemental and not changing their attitude towards me at all. To them the diagnosis has made no difference. My diagnosis is not common kowledge and only limited to close family and my 2 friends.

Pink I feel the same as you - I'm terrified of being dismissed and told I'm imagining it! I'm already hunting for private options as I know I can hide it well in short doses which worries me as I might end up doing my bubbly perky act with the GP.

Funnily enough I can also cope with interviews - I seem to go verging on hyper which means I come across as really confident and upbeat and friendly. I have no idea how as it's nothing like me in reality and its not something I can even do consciously. it also leaves me wiped out

I do that too with interviews! Total hyper focus and I am pretty sure that I get a rush of adrenaline! Very handy but I come out achy and shivering.