Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

[OxfordBags]

Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

which one holy, I haven't noticed anything wrong.

Well holey, I had a quick look at the thread for you and i don't think there is anything for you to worry about.

polter and

I understand what you mean by hiding I get that feeling when I socialise too much. I think you are in the same boat as me with transition for year 7 and that is really stressful: it means meetings, making new relationships with teacher, senco…+ the worrying about next year and how DS will adjust.And to top it all it is BBQ season everybody wants to have one! (I know I am really stressed at the mo!). Do you think you are noticing your symptoms more or do you think you are more stressed than usual and you have more symptoms? or both?
Which ever it is, take the time to relax and hide for a day or so if you need too (that is probably what you would tell DS to do?)
ps: what does TIO mean?

Catching up. Back later. (Very distant and un-ASD-y) to all

Sorry I don't think I have been clear enough when I said "socialising" I meant any contact with people. To me school run is socialising, work is socialising… Although I do have time to socialise the traditional way and with the help of a couple of glasses of wine, I even enjoy it. It just leaves me completely stressed (can take me up to a week to recover!)

Pops head around the door. I have read half of the messages on this thread and there's an awful lot of commonality with my own life. I have a DS with AD and ADHD and I am currently undergoing a DX myself. Life's pretty bad ATM.

I completely agree about the concept of a social hangover, that's why I am glad that I've quit the PA. Too much hassle.

New poster popping head round. I'm having a lot of problems at work just now, and I've suspected for a while that I might have Aspergers or at least have traits. I keep getting feedback in jobs that there is a problem with how people perceive me, that people thing I'm negative or not proactive or not engaged. I've tried asking for more specific examples recently and some of the things just baffle me - small comments that I've made or a specific way that I've phrased a response that are making people think I'm not interested/engaged/willing...when I'm either just being honest, trying to be friendly or whatever. It's exhausting

I've just done the AQ, EQ and RAADS tests...44, 11 and 169 respectively

I'm not sure whether I should look in to diagnosis. I suspect that I would be dismissed quickly by a GP as I hide it exceptionally well in short doses (often not intentionally!) - I interview very well for example. But I can't keep it up. I'm getting in to trouble at work for stuff I don't really understand.

Funnily enough just done the film clips test and that was fine - I think I am not too bad at faces but utterly useless at everything else!

I am thinking about going for diagnosis. I'm just scared I suppose - actually facing up to having something officially wrong with me. Or being palmed off and told that there is not. Maybe some of you guys will get this - I got feedback from my boss that I "didn't seem engaged" on a project. That baffled me. I literally had no bloody idea what she meant or what I was doing wrong.

Similarly, someone asked me if I had time to help them with X. I replied with "I've got loads to do for Y, I will try to fit it in". Apparently that was negative, and it's like I always say no. The person giving me that feedback described a colleague who would say "yes sure" then would immediately say "I'll have to do x,y and z first" and apparently that is better. I sat there (in tears) just thinking "but wtf, that's the same answer, I was being honest."

I've also started having a problem recently if I am trying to take notes in a fast moving meeting or in one of my tutorials (I'm doing professional exams) where if it's going too fast for me to capture properly I start to feel physically sweaty and nauseous.

Statistically: oh my word, my horribly angrybearesque boss said exactly the same thing to me 'that I wasn't engaged' and previous feedback from a job in the past deemed me both 'aggressive' and 'negative'. It's really hard to cope at work, it really is.

Work is so hard isn't it - this is stuff I don't get! I'm having a really shit time just now. I got feedback from a colleague on Friday, burst in to tears in the meeting and literally cried for about 3 hours. Then came home and cried some more. My eyes were in agony on Saturday. But a part of it is sheer frustration I think. I don't know what they want from me.

This is a fairly recent job, only been in it 6 months. It's tricky - the advertised role involved leading a certain type of project, but because I'm fairly new and not "performing" (I'm not a fucking seal!) then I'm only getting to work on them rather than lead, which I understand. But a lot of the issues are things that I know are less of an issue when I'm leading projects because I have a bit more freedom, less need to prove my engagement etc. If I know I have to complete a project I'll do it, I'm good at problem solving and quite a driven person if I'm absorbed in something/really in to it. Which tends to happen when I have more responsibility.

But when I'm working directly under someone who is watching my every move and micro managing me I can't cope. And my confidence has just been wiped by this sort of analysis of my personality so when I don't know what to do or don't have much to do I freeze and don't do anything. I'll maybe ask someone if they need help but if they say no, I don't tend to ask again. Because in my head - I've asked, they don't need me, I don't want to bug them...if they want me they'll ask. Similarly I've been criticised for not going up to the project lead and asking if I can do task x and Y, which are tasks that would normally be done by the project lead. It just didn't enter my head that I was expected to do that - that's not my role IYSWIM?

That probably makes no bloody sense, sorry! I'm having a tough time just now.

statistically what you are saying makes a lot of sense. I can especially relate to that bit "but wtf, that's the same answer". DH and I used to get in a lot of arguments about this- that is just basic communication problems. I was diagnosed last year. I think diagnosis brings a kind of closure. it took me a while to adjust (I think about 9/12 months) but it is really worth it. It helps realise that you are a good person, the others just communicate in a different way and this means some adjustments have to be made (a bit like you would in a foreign country). I don't think you can get this kind of closure without a diagnosis but you need to find somebody who is an expert in diagnosing adult female. As you say we can be very good at disguising it and not on purpose…the NHS might not quite be ready for us yet!!!!

Thanks both. I've booked a provisional appointment with my gp. I'm in Edinburgh -I don't suppose anyone has any experience of the services here? Tbh if I thought it was worth it I would consider the private route if there was someone reputable.

This is something which keeps coming up in jobs. I was sort of made redundant from my last job and I am pretty sure that the communication issues are why. I was told at my appraisal that I had a branding problem and people didn't perceive me well. Now it's starting up in this job too except my boss really really dislikes me and has already decided to put me on an informal coaching plan-I can pretty much see where this is going . But I work for a really big company with pretty solid hr and occupational health so I suppose I am thinking that actually a proper diagnosis might actually offer me a degree of protection?