Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

[OxfordBags]

Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

I have one female friend that I confided in but other than that, a couple of male ones because I always got on better with NT men anyway. One had noticed it at work a couple of years ago. Gosh I do wish somebody had told me before.

Statistically: do check with the other ladies on here if a private diagnosis holds the same weight as a NHS one. My GP was fine and my DS's SENCO thought it worthwhile too.

Mollyweasley that's really interesting to hear as it's one of the things that confused me - how can I ace interviews, which are basically a social situation on speed, yet be so utterly inept the rest of the time. But the way your describe it sums it up really well

I am going to try the GP first, just wary! But I will check that it doesn't make a difference going private from a DDA perspective.

That's just it - I hate not knowing for sure but at the same time I'm not actually sure if I want to know!

Also I'm worried that I'll need to bring my parents to an assessment and I'm not sure they'd agree to that. They're very dismissive of this kind of thing.

Hell will freeze over before I take my mum to an assessment! Dad not on the scene and since mum was drunk for a good portion of my childhood I can almost certainly remember it more clearly than she can! I really hope that's not compulsory

I think that your OH will suffice, don't worry. I don't really want my mother present either as she's pretty harsh.

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that in some areas it's compulsory to bring someone with you who has known you since childhood. In most people's case that would be one of your parents. It's supposed to be so they can answer questions about your development throughout early childhood that you might not be able to remember.

It is really sad to hear that some people go private and that their diagnosis is not recognised. If you use a psychologist from the British psychology society website, I can't see why it shouldn't be recognised (although I have read about it happening)- these people are professionals!. I think that the advantage of going private is that with a good psychologist you will get a follow up. What they would look at is your needs and not whether you have ASD or not. The diagnosis is the consequence of an assessment not the purpose. If you haven't got AS a good psychologist (who has the luxury of time!) should not just leave you feel silly, they will still explain your needs and how you can help yourself in everyday life. Hope I am making sense!

I was suggested that I should take either a parent and / or school reports. TBH it was just as well we never had reports in my day, it would have said "she's a lovely, bright, quiet girl....etc".

In my first opinion assessment I had to sit with my mum to listen to all my faults for an hour, going through everything sounded awful and in fact thinking about it now I can't believe the clinic considered it acceptable .

Second time, the NHS apt. Mum went off with 2 members of the team and I went with another 2. I said I couldn't care less what she said as long as I wasn't there to be reminded of it. She preferred that approach too. Much more ethical.

That sounds awful meglet. Tbh I don't have school reports although they were all good as I was a typical quiet but good grades type.

I absolutely can't involve my mum -I can understand why they find it useful but given how many awful parents there are you'd think that for adults there would be an alternative. My mum would never admit that I have anything wrong anyway -my great niece possibly has adhd and her words were "there's none of that in our family". Even though I strongly suspect my elder brother had it too

That was surprisingly Ok. I shook like a leaf but gave the guy the stuff I'd written down, explained that I knew I would struggle to explain what was wrong etc so had written it down. I got a youngish gp -registrar which might have helped. He asked a few questions and then agreed to refer me on the nhs. However... The process here is an initial referral to adult psychiatry which takes 10 weeks then they refer you to psychology if they think it's likely which has a similar wait time. I'm not sure that I will still have a job if I wait that long so I asked about a private referral and he was able to refer me to the same person as heads the nhs clinic and who apparently has a special interest in undiagnosed adults with aspergers /adhd etc. Apparently that should only take a couple of weeks

Well done StatisticallyChallenged
Biggest step taken. Do you have any idea of the costs for the private referral?

I asked and apparently the consultation is only around 120. I suspect the process will involve more than one but it's not too horrendous and worth it I hope. The only other thing the gp suggested was some sort of anxiety disorder but it did seem to be more of an alternative possibility rather than a noooooo not aspergers response.

My head is buzzing, my concentration is useless just now with this going on

I think it would be well worth it

There was a part of me that felt like I should push for a diagnosis. For the sake of DD and the more females that get it the better.

I haven't told anyone in RL yet. I will but I want to get tomorrows support session out of the way before I speak to work. Then I'll mention it when it comes up with friends.

Meglet having to sit through your mother's critism during dx must have been truly awful; just as well that the latter part was covered out of earshot. My mother would be just the same.

statistically brilliant progress.

Meglet, how did your mother react to the diagnosis?

It would be a nightmare for my mother to be involved. It would be another thing to criticise me for!

My mum is hyper critical of me to me, but likes to make out I am the perfect daughter to other people. Due to how she raised me of course, she's a bit of a narcacist is my mum. So involving her could go either way, neither of them productive!

Tbh whilst I can understand why info about early development might be useful I think in adults it's a bit unreasonable especially as I'd imagine that many undiagnosed people with asd might have slightly difficult family relationships. I think the diagnostic process needs to evolve to deal with us as adults really.

Maybe a pre-assessment questionnaire is the best route? My DS has such a thing for his dx and follow on checks for his ADHD.

No, even a pre-assessment questionnaire would be completely out of the question. Any hint of an 'issue' would be derided and used to beat me with. She refers to a relative who had a mental breakdown as going 'funny in the head'. And thinks counselling, diagnoses such as adhd etc., are ridiculous and indulgent, and never would have been needed/existed 'in her day'!

My DM is very like that, my SF is on antidepressants and she refers to them as "Dickie's anti-madness tablets"

Guys, I am having an awful social hangover…I hate it!