Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

[OxfordBags]

Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

Hey you lot. Just met my mum's sort of boyfriend for the first time, she's really happy and I am glad about that. Some people aren't because it's only been five months since her husband passed, but I don't understand that at all. She's met someone nice, I know Jim would want her to live life and be happy, she's had so much stress to deal with, surely anyone would just be glad for her? This is one of the things I don't get, I see things simply, and they go and make it all complicated.

I had some trouble with him, mostly me being me, lack of eye contact and not understanding his jokes so looking blank when I should have laughed, but even still I liked him enough to let him hug me goodnight.

It got me thinking about how acceptable people find some things. I often find outrageous things entirely acceptable and normal because I don't have the context to find them unacceptable. I embarrass people who are more "proper" because I find things acceptable to talk about which they don't. I thought that was maybe why I have so many unusual and interesting friends, because I don't have that bubble of "normality" around me where I judge people based on what my norms are. So in a way, it's a positive thing about Aspergers.

Saying that, I can be extremely judgmental about some things that I feel very strongly about, my mum says I see in black and white and have very strong opinions. Usually related to things like racism, sexism etc, sometimes unreasonable things like how other people choose to do things that I feel are wrong. It's weird because it's a dichotomy, sometimes I am so accepting that it's unusual, and others I am absolutely not because I cannot understand the other point of view.

Do any of you identify with any of this?

Can I join, The penny has recently dropped that I am on the spectrum, My son has ASD/SPD and a Lang disorder and my DD I also suspect is at the higher functioning end of the spectrum. My Dad was HFA although never diagnosed and my Hubby has traits.

I have never had a ASD diagnosis but was diagnosed with Anorexia and Anxiety as a teen.

I have lived blissfully in ignorance up until now and its only recently that I have accepted I am crap in social situations, I think I have been ok up until now as I have always worked so always had a guide to conversation, but since my DD started school I realise I am crap at reading people and can't sustain light conversation in general, I either turn it around and dominate the conversation or it just fizzles really quickly.

In going back in to adult learning I have realised when doing Math and English how very literal I am in some things and I realise now how this had had a massive impact on me understanding some concepts at school.

I am finding it really difficult now I know this information as it has made me much more aware of how crap I am in social situations and made it much more anxiety reducing, I also hate being centre of attention and like to blend in which is impossible with my DS.

fan I also identify with almost all that you have written but especially with the last bit - I am so like that.

fan, you describe me rather well! I have realised that I collect eccentric acquaintances.

I'm good at cutting through nonsense. I do try not to share too much with others as they are so sensitive to logical analysis of their problems.

Sadly I offended someone this week by blurting out about why I find a certain behaviour selfish, of course she had just been saying it was justified in her own case..I wouldn't have been bothered by the difference of opinion but I forgot that I am supposed to make reassuring noises then complain about it behind her back.

I have (when concentrating really hard) made a reasonable success of getting on with others and enjoying it. It has been harder when life gets trickier and I have less chance to think it all through.

Hi. I think about a month ago I found one of those articles about a woman who was diagnosed at 43.
It was eye opening to say the least. I'd always though there was something toward the spectrum, but of course never got past the 'no flapping, no obsessions, can do eye contact, make social connections' so therefore no diagnosis. I had no idea girls presented differently.
I spent days researching it, and doing tests. Going tick tick tick. And days of revisiting memories ( I don't have a lot from my childhood, so this didn't take long ) and things falling into place. Not speaking to anyone for 6 yrs in school was a bit of a giveaway. Training myself consciously to copy popular people, but really not getting the whole social interaction stuff. Tons and tons of stuff.
Anyway, just cos I'm happy to look back and see what I've managed with my life as successful, doesn't mean I want my dd to do it without support. I don't know if she is or not yet, it's all around this time she should be making friends, playing in groups, pretend play, but she's not. Little bit flappy, little bit obsessive. Nothing I would have blinked at if I thought I was nt, but now, well...
If she needs a dx, she'll get one, and get the support. Without having to figure it all out by herself.

Thanks for reading.

Holey It definitely isn't! What I found most difficult during the assessment was to look back at my life in terms of AS lots of cringing but also to realise that some things weren't due to ASD and that some people simply weren't nice and I didn't even realise. I will say that I am glad I went through with it, I am so much better equipped for life now I know.

friday I am absolutely with you on that one. I have a DD going through assessment at the moment, there is no way I would let her go through life suffering from anxiety without knowing why, if she needs a diagnosis then she will have one so she knows herself better and others can support her. Life is not easy when ASD is in the family, as DH would say we certainly don't get bored!

just checking in.

I'm still waiting for my second opinion assessment (with someone who isn't batshit). Mum chased up the assessment on Friday (she was the one who stood my ground in the first place) turns out that after almost 2 months since I spoke to him my GP still hasn't posted the letter to the assessment centre . He's been my GP for 20 years and been a bloody useless for the last few months.

holey a relative used to work in a psychiatric ward and said there were patients in there that she was certain were 'simply' undiagnosed, and therefore badly treated and over-medicated cases of ASD. It broke her heart and contributed to her leaving. She did get quite shirty with a couple of doctors about it but diagnosing ASD involves them thinking outside their little box, when she talks about this she quite rightly rants. I've been churned through the mental health teams through the years, always for anxiety and depression, no one ever bothered to get to the bottom of it.

I'm living on tenterhooks at the moment. DD has her first paed appointment in May. The positive part of me hopes they will spot that she does have some 'problems' we need to support her with but the real life part of me knows they will say "she's fine, she's bright, have you tried parenting courses?"