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Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

999 replies

OxfordBags · 03/02/2014 20:49

Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 03/03/2014 14:54

I too am a massive time waster and procrastinator. I'm doing it now in fact.

I woke up this morning feeling very positive. I had plans to watch a quick episode of something online, then tidy the house and then see a friend this afternoon. However I quickly popped onto the internet, started watching my programme, then checked to see if i had any notifications on facebok, which i did. I wanted to find something to post to someone that had commented on something i had shared in an autism group, so i went on google. Then i found myself searching the sn board on here. And before I know it my friend is knocking on the door and I haven't done anything.

She's just left and I started tidying up. Then I thought oh I'll just check the women who suspect they have ASD traits thread and here I am doing more time wasting!

HoleySocksBatman · 03/03/2014 16:22

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PolterGoose · 03/03/2014 16:25

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HoleySocksBatman · 03/03/2014 16:32

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SummerRain · 03/03/2014 18:04

A workmate told me recently I come across as a bit of a bitch due to my aggressive way of tackling things. To me it's just getting on and doing the job but apparently to others I come across as pushy and controlling Sad

GarlicMarchHare · 03/03/2014 18:53

Nappyaddict, you've just described my day - every day! Blush

SwayingBranches · 04/03/2014 01:45

I suppose I'm a time waster too. Just things like cleaning have a much lower priority than learning new stuff online, for instance.

And here I am up at 1:30am as I've always had issues with insomnia, nothing too life disrupting, but a constant. I'm better when I exercise.

Does anyone else feel like they have two parts to their brain? Like one bit is doing life stuff but the other is simultaneously analysing it, the situation you're in, jotting down important things, making connections to all different kinds, and also being somewhere to slip into when, for example, there's pointless small talk going on. It can actually be quite tiring, and that's the part of my brain that causes insomnia usually, it feels like the front is going to sleep sometimes and the back is just doing fireworks and I can't shut it down. Hope I don't sound too strange!

SwayingBranches · 04/03/2014 01:50

SummerRain I think it's all compounded by societal expectations of women. It's rubbish. You may come across more like that to the person that said it rather than other people anyway. I think telling someone they come across as a bit of a bitch isn't right! Why tell someone something negative like that?!

SwayingBranches · 04/03/2014 03:12

I was just remembering this one time when I was playing as a kid. I had a doll and she was getting ready for work and then she left for work, and it felt like the most perfect piece of playing that had ever happened so I just made my doll do that over and over again!

SummerRain · 04/03/2014 08:47

The person was drunk and was cackhandedly trying to warn me how my personality comes across and tell me that if I don't do things differently I'll get people's backs up. He genuinely didn't mean to be nasty but I'm sure he would have phrased it differently sober Hmm Thing is, like you said I can almost guarantee if I was a man I'd just be seen as strong, single minded, determined. But as I'm a woman the same traits are viewed as pushing too hard and being aggressive Confused

Funnily it's mostly other women that seem to have a problem with me, men are generally far less threatened. Which of course makes things even more difficult socially, as women we're automatically expected to get on with other women and any woman who gets on better with men is labelled all sorts of horrible things.

PolterGoose · 04/03/2014 09:47

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HoleySocksBatman · 04/03/2014 10:13

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HoleySocksBatman · 04/03/2014 10:14

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SummerRain · 04/03/2014 10:17

Good Luck Holey Flowers

(must get down to Primark myself and check out those t-shirts Wink

HoleySocksBatman · 04/03/2014 10:28

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GatoradeMeBitch · 04/03/2014 10:49

Hi, I have a diagnosis of autism. My GP didn't want to refer me, in fact he was quite irritated that I even asked, so I paid for it myself. I didn't understand why I couldn't have confirmation of something I knew to be true! I haven't read through the thread yet but I will this evening.

Little bio? I was a 'weird' kid. I was always on my own, I couldn't keep friends because I just wanted someone to stand next to while I lived in my head ifkwim! I was pretty much a selective mute until the age of 19/20. Then I fell into a relationship with the first person to stalk me persevere with me, and had my son. When I was about 25 I read an article in the paper that listed the symptoms of this fancy new syndrome called Asperger's. It was like reading the first ever description of someone just like me. I should have asked for diagnosis then but it didn't occur to me.

When my son was eight, his teacher pulled me aside and said she thought he might have autism. It knocked me backwards that I didn't see that in him. He got diagnosed quite quickly, and has had support since, though he has many issues and says he wishes I'd never told him. I find this very odd because I would have loved to have known.

I am very functional now. I tend to be messy around the house which I hate, but there always seem to be more important things to do (I'm researching hypothyroidism on the internet at the moment). I don't have friends because I find the upkeep too tiring. I'm sure many people think I'm a coldfish but there's not much I can do about that. My family treat me in quite a 'care in the community' way "Are you alright? You ok there? Good!" I need to find a job, but I don't want to be around people all day. I never finish a course because there are always icebreakers, and public speaking and I tend to leave when those happen. I think I'm quite bright and I'm happy to sit in front of the laptop all day so I'd be a perfect candidate for virtual assisting/.researching, but sadly those jobs do not fall from the sky!

I'll cut this off before it becomes a proper essay. So, hi!

GatoradeMeBitch · 04/03/2014 10:52

Oh, I just saw the end of that conversation! I lover the Primark shirts too! I really wanted the Miffy pyjama's. I haunted Primark for weeks looking for them but they must have sold out very quickly. Oh, also the Lionel Richie PJ's, I'm gutted I missed those. (Men's dept but I would still have worn them!) And I love the MLP stuff, but I haven't worn it out in public (38). If I didn't have to wait in for my new foster today I would be heading off on the bus for another snoop around!

GatoradeMeBitch · 04/03/2014 10:53

*love not lover

(Sorry for how much I wrote above, it did turn into a bit of an essay!)

HoleySocksBatman · 04/03/2014 12:59

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PolterGoose · 04/03/2014 13:12

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blueeyedmonster · 04/03/2014 13:54

Argh I hate it when stuff like that happens holey.

HoleySocksBatman · 04/03/2014 13:54

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nappyaddict · 04/03/2014 14:44

"Under active thyroid, which despite being treated with thyroxine makes me swing between periods of utter exhaustion (when meds level not high enough) and horrendous anxiety (when meds too high)."

I too have an underactive thyroid. I constantly feel exhaused even my levels say they are OK. I have (probably stupidly) even stopped taking my tablets for 2 months so when I go for a blood test this week they will hopefully come back that my levels are too low and the GP will increase my meds. Will have to be careful though cos I didn't realise too high a dose can increase anxiety.

I always used to suffer with insomnia. My body clock was all over the place. I hated mornings, preferring to stay up all night on the net, chatting to friends, researching etc. I would probably still be like that now if I lived on my own, but moving in with DP has got me into a better routine where I try to go to bed as close to 10pm as possible. There were often days when DS was between 0 and 2 where he would be playing in his playroom and I would be in the computer room for most of the day. Saying that makes me feel terrible but I now know that was one of the biggest, earliest signs of him having ASD. A NT baby would just not have let me do that!! A few weeks ago when we were changing internet providers and DP said we would be without it for 1-2 weeks I couldn't sleep!! I felt so anxious, thinking what am I going to do all day? Which frankly sounds ridiculous really.

He also hates mess and clutter and gets cross if I waste the whole week doing nothing, whilst he is working a 50 hour week. I do have to force myself to do the housework cos it's just not a priority for me. I do get to a point where I think this house needs a clean and tidy but that point is probably a lot worse than most other people's and I do the bare minimum to get it back to what I consider an OK level. It actually stresses me out if it is too neat and tidy. It doesn't feel like my home and I don't feel at ease until there are a few things out of place again.

I personally hate routine. I can't make plans cos I hate sticking to things rigidly. I prefer to organise everything last minute and be spontaneous, doing things as I fancy them. However routine does make me function better. I found when DS was 2 and we started doing structured activities like toddler groups, music groups, dance groups, swimming classes, storytime etc parenthood was a lot better. I hated staying in with him on my own cos I got bored and didn't really enjoy just playing with him. I didn't mind if people came over cos then I was distracted.

The same with housework. If I plan a time in my head to do it and stick to that then it's in my mind that it's happening and I do tend to do it. If I don't then I just seem to not notice that I haven't done any for ages.

Was anyone else on here premature? I was born at 30 weeks.

As a child I was extrememly clumsy and I went for sessions with a person I called "the clumsy lady" I presume now she was an OT and I think if I had been born 15 years later I would have been diagnosed as dyspraxic.

I find hellos and goodbyes quite difficult. I find the whole hug/kiss goodbye thing really awkward and I don't know where to look. Even with people I love to bits it seems so false and pointless. But I do it cos it's what you do.

I also find bumping into people I know difficult. Even if they are really good friends I will try to avoid them, turn the other way, cross over the road etc cos I don't really like small talk. I don't see the point of it. I even find walking passed and just giving a smile or hello difficult, but you can't just not cos it's rude. As I'm approaching them I will feel really anxious and wonder how to act.

HoleySocksBatman · 04/03/2014 15:04

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nappyaddict · 04/03/2014 16:20

I don't know where I fit in then - I think I get mild (as in the kind where I'm not 100% sure if it's all in my head and convince myself I haven't got it) anxiety and mild depression. But not really paranoia, the lack of motivation and drive kind of depression.

Goddammit!! I said I would spend an hour online. Got to 50 minutes and thought yeah I'm pretty much done I'm actually going to do this. Then started looking at make up reviews and have lost another 90 minutes!!

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