Webchat with family law barrister Paula Rhone-Adrien on divorce during lockdown and more - Tuesday 9 June at 8.30pm

[BojanaMumsnet]

Hello

We’re pleased to announce a webchat with Paula Rhone-Adrien, a family law barrister with over two decades of experience, practising from Lamb Building Chambers.

Paula will be able to answer questions about the divorce process during lockdown, financial protection, emotional self-care, custody arrangements and domestic abuse.

Paula regularly attends Court representing clients across the social spectrum, from
the Magistrates' Court to the Court of Appeal, in a range of areas including: divorce
and finances; disputes between parents regarding where their child should live or
how much time they should spend with the other; the region/country a child should
live in; child welfare, be that the concerns of social services regarding negligent
parenting (sexual, physical or emotional abuse) or one parent accusing the other;
and domestic abuse (representing the alleged victim or the alleged perpetrator).

Paula is a BBC Expert Voice and has worked with a number of broadcast networks and TV production companies in the UK. You can listen to Paula on this episode on marriage on BBC Woman’s Hour.

Post your questions on this thread or join us live at 8.30pm on Tuesday 9 June.

Please note any answers from Paula will be the general stance taken by the Family Courts as opposed to specific to the individual’s case - and please do not include any names or anything that could identify where the person/child lives.

As always, please remember our guidelines - one question per user, follow-ups only if there’s time and most questions have been answered, and please keep it civil. Also if one topic is dominating a thread, mods might request that people don't continue to post what's effectively the same question or point. (We may suspend the accounts of anyone who continues after we've posted to ask people to stop, so please take note.) Rest assured we will ALWAYS let the guest know that it's an area of concern to multiple users and will encourage them to engage with those questions.

Many thanks,
MNHQ

@TirisfalPumpkin

Hello, thanks for coming on.

I have a relatively straightforward separation - no kids, no debts apart from mortgage, short marriage, fairly amicable so far. We want to avoid our entire liquid assets getting swallowed up getting solicitors to negotiate the financial split or ending in court. The whole lot (equity plus cash) is worth around 100k.

My question is how do I formalise the informal arrangement we are making, so I'm not left open to later claims? We are splitting roughly along the lines of our deposit contributions, so 80:20 in my favour. This will still leave him plenty to house himself and so far he's happy with it, but I can envisage a scenario where friends/family members get involved and decide it's unfair. Can we get our agreement witnessed or something similar?

Thanks in advance.

Good evening TirisfalPumpkin,

Thank you!

This is a great question.

So in short you can put the agreement in writing and you can attend at either separate solicitors, to show that you have obtained independent legal advice and you absolutely agree the terms, or go somewhere like the Divorce Surgery www.thedivorcesurgery.co.uk, which is a team of Barristers who will identify one Barrister to work with you both and ultimately lodge the agreement with the Court (After advising you both) so it can be endorsed as if an Order of the Court - protecting you both from the risk of any future claims.

Well done on working so hard to get to this point.

@Slingsanderrors

Hello Paula, I’m almost 65, retired and hoping to split ASAP from my husband of 15 years. He doesn’t know yet and won’t take it well so I need to get my facts right. We jointly own a house worth approx £200k (no mortgage) and have about £75k each in savings. No shared children. We both have small pensions that we could survive on (his bigger than mine).

I really want a clean break. My main question is, if I leave (he’s unlikely to) can he be forced to sell the house?

I really can’t afford solicitors fees if I can help it.

Thank you

Good evening Slingsanderrors,

Thank you.

My main question is, if I leave (he’s unlikely to) can he be forced to sell the house?.....yes he can, but that would ultimately mean you heading to Court, because he sounds like he won't be motivated to do anything unless ordered to do so - sorry.

Remember you can attend Court in person, by yourself, you don't have to have a solicitor. You can access a solicitor or a Barrister for legal advice and assistance in running your case if you feel confident enough to do so, so don't let the cost of something put you off getting the job done as quickly and properly as possible.

Have a good evening

Thank you Paula, that is helpful

Thank you very much for your answer, I really appreciate it.

@FitInABit

Hi Paula I live with my partner. We own a house together. Small mortgage, joint tenants. We have a child together. I want to separate, sell the house and split the equity. I doubt that he could afford to buy me out. It is likely that he will be extremely difficult. I expect he will refuse to allow anyone to view the house for the foreseeable future due to coronavirus - even when lock down ends. Do I have any rights if he refuses to allow anyone in the house? He's working fulltime from home so is always here. Thanks

Good evening FitInABit,

Thank you, this is an interesting question.

As joint owners, you cannot sell the property without his agreement. If you don't have this then that means you are off to Court - sorry. The Court can force a sale and even take the step of excluding your partner from the home if it believes he is attempting to frustrate the Order (for sale).

Please appreciate, this was much easier for me to write than it will be for you to undertake, so prepare yourself for the long haul. Please try and get some initial legal advice as soon as you can, this is not something you want to leave for too long.

Good luck.

Many thanks @PaulaRhoneAdrien

@Momentumneeded

Hi. I would be interested to understand how things work with a direct access barrister v barrister instructed by solicitor.

Also please can you give an overview of how the hearings play out. Does the judge see Form Es in advance. What is the starting point for negotiation if you have v differing viewpoints/ earning potential. Just like to understand the approach taken. Is it assumed 50-50 and then reviewed in terms of needs? How does this work in practice?

Thank you.

Good evening Momentumneeded,

Thank you.

I would be interested to understand how things work with a direct access barrister v barrister instructed by solicitor. - Great question!

Ok generally speaking a direct access barrister will only represent you in Court. S/he will not take responsibility for collating or producing the paperwork necessary for your hearing. This is fine for some people who are happy doing this themselves and just want to be able to pay a one off fee for representation or advice.

You can have some Direct Access Barristers who will 'conduct litigation' which means they essentially act as a solicitor and a Barrister, and so their fees should be slightly less than if you had a solicitor and a Barrister.

Also please can you give an overview of how the hearings play out. Does the judge see Form Es in advance. What is the starting point for negotiation if you have v differing viewpoints/ earning potential. Just like to understand the approach taken. Is it assumed 50-50 and then reviewed in terms of needs? How does this work in practice? - Your assumption is absolutely correct!

So the judge is supposed to see the Form E's in advance, but what this actually means is 5 minutes before you come into Court or even whilst you are sitting there. Judge's are incredibly busy and so don't have time to read papers in such a hearing like this.

There is no starting point for negotiation when your views differ so widely, it really is about stating your case and arguing strongly why you are right and the other side is wrong.

Judge's have a 'wide ambit of discretion' when it comes to deciding how the asset pot of a marriage should be split. The message clearly being given is, i can pretty much come to any decision that i want so i suggest you negotiate or take a massive risk with me!

Good luck

@Stegasaurusmum

At the start of a separation, he's moving out, leaving me in the f as moly home. Very amicable and not intending to look at divorce yet, or what to do with the house yet, for 2 years at least. My question is. Should we be doing something now to formalise the agreement that he is giving me cm based on the online calculator, plus half of childcare costs. I'm paying the mortgage entirely from this and my wages, from now on. He's renting. Eventually we will either have to sell, or I try to find a way to buy him out, or he finds a deposit somehow and let's me take on the mortgage and gets another of his own, I stay till the children are 18 then sell.

Is there a legal or some other kind of document that will give us at least what we have agreed in writing, with a view to looking at it aga in in a year to 2 years?
Just in case things get difficult later on, or he goes back on what he's agreed.

Also, he gets massive bonuses, of around £3000...would I be reasonable to ask him for a proportion of that towards savings for the children for example?

He's already earning twice what I do and will have them 4 nights a fortnight, but travels a lot, I'd just have to forgoe his nights when this was happening. I think it might be reasonable to say he should increase cm when he's having them less nights, if it went down to only 2 weeks in a month that he had them?

It's all this detail that whilst we are in agreement, I'd like to see in writing somewhere, without it getting horrible or awkward.

Good evening Stegasaurusmum,

Thank you.

Is there a legal or some other kind of document that will give us at least what we have agreed in writing, with a view to looking at it aga in in a year to 2 years?
Just in case things get difficult later on, or he goes back on what he's agreed.

• So absolutely you can formalise your separation by having a judge recognise your separation and any written agreement reached (a Judicial Separation), but you can keep this out of Court by simply noting the agreement in writing and getting two separate solicitors to witness the agreement for you.

Also, he gets massive bonuses, of around £3000...would I be reasonable to ask him for a proportion of that towards savings for the children for example? - You can try to reach an agreement on anything, hopefully you will. If you don't you should still reflect in the final document you agree, that you asked for this, but that it was ultimately not agreed, so that when you go back to consider the document in two years time everyone will be clear about what you were able to achieve and what could remain an issue.

I think it might be reasonable to say he should increase cm when he's having them less nights, if it went down to only 2 weeks in a month that he had them? - You're right it may well be. Have you undertaken the online CMS calculation? This tool is really helpful in identifying what responsibility the non resident parent may face financially for their children.

It's all this detail that whilst we are in agreement, I'd like to see in writing somewhere, without it getting horrible or awkward. - DEFINITELY get the agreement in writing and endorsed/signed by independent legal advisors so it can act as, essentially, a contract of separation.

Good luck.

Good evening everyone,

Thank you so much for being so patient with me this evening and so glad to see i could be of some help.

I'm signing off now, but hopefully see you again soon.

Regards

Paula

Thanks so much for doing this webchat @PaulaRhoneAdrien and thank you to everyone who posted a question - we hope you found the webchat helpful. We're going to close this thread to new comments now.