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MNHQ

Live chat with Dr Tanya Byron, Thursday 6 September between 1-2pm

414 replies

OliviaMumsnet · 03/09/2007 14:01

Hi all
We're delighted to announce that Dr Tanya Byron will be here for an online chat with Mumsnetters this Thursday, 6 September.

Tanya is a practicing consultant in child and adolescent mental health and has two children of her own. Her new parenting book Your Child, Your Way encourages you to really think about the kind of parent you are and the kind you want to be, but mostly to understand your child.

Tanya will be joining us for an hour on Thursday at 1 o'clock, so grab your sarnies, get your questions ready and join us then.

For those of you who have unavoidable lunchtime commitments, we'll let you post your questions in advance here.

Thanks, MNHQ

For the rest of you, we'll see you on the 6th.

OP posts:
LaCod · 05/09/2007 14:15

doctor t

did you liek the Face or murdoch best?

bundle · 05/09/2007 14:18

ok

our bedtime routine isn't working (daughters of 7 and 4, have bunkbeds so obviously share bedroom) - we have a calm, fixed routine (food, wash, brush teeth, stories/homework...then bed) - they go to bed at 7.30pm (older one has bit of leeway, say 8pm) but are often still up at 9.30pm and v tired in the morning.

Have tried various carrots/sticks (sticker chart with really nice rewards at the end, depriving them of tv/dvds) but they really don't seem bothered. Their bedroom is nice & dark, they choose which cuddly toys to sleep with etc - but always end up in each other's bed, arguing, playing, up to the loo (several times), have growing pains (sometimes real, sometimes not) - anything to stay up

What can we do?

Pinkchampagne · 05/09/2007 14:28

Hi Dr Tanya

Since separating from my husband 4 months ago, I am having lots of problems with my two boys. (aged 4 & 8)

They now have to share a bedroom, and like Bundle, I am having terrible problems getting them to settle at bedtime. They seem to think bedtime is party time, and nothing I do seems to work.
I try to stagger bedtimes, but that doesn't work as they wake each other up.

I don't have a spare room, but have put one of them in my room before (after warnings), which leads to the hugest tantrums, where they throw things around my room.

They are also constantly trashing their rooms, pulling clothes out of the drawers, duvet covers & sheets off their beds etc.
I try to get them to tidy the mess up, but it's a never ending battle!

Also, they are constantly fighting with each other & have started scratching each other, leaving marks, which is awful.

I really don't know the best way to deal with all this, and would be grateful of any advice.

Nittyb · 05/09/2007 17:12

I have a dd who is nearly six and isn't dry at night. we still use pull ups or have to wash sheet and duvet every day, and she is desperate to get out of them. Have cut out drinks at bedtime, lift her to toilet at about 10pm, but only had the occassional dry night. She is a very heavy sleeper and has a very weak bladder during the day.. help !

saltire · 05/09/2007 17:17

She's going to need a week to answer all these. Can't MNHQ lock her in a cupboard or similar until she has answered everything

Rhubarb · 05/09/2007 17:19

Who is Dr Tanya?

mitty · 05/09/2007 17:19

Dear Dr Tanya

If you see a friend committing one of the "sins" of managing child behavior, like "feeding" a trantrum, how should you react? Would you interfere or just drop heavy hints?

Thanks

Mitty

Rhubarb · 05/09/2007 17:20

Oh right, mental health.

Dr Tanya, please could you look at my profile pic and tell me if you think there may be any cause for concern with my daughter, Morty.

Thanks very much.

jaynehater · 05/09/2007 17:36

Don't do that Rhubarb, I nearly soiled myself looking at that hamster.

Countingthegreyhairs · 05/09/2007 18:03

Dear Dr Tanya

Question One:

What would you say to an over-anxious mother of a four-year-old dd who is constantly obsessing about whether she is too strict or too lenient and who - largely as a result of her own mother not providing the greatest parenting role model - is not very confident about what she is doing half the time and changes her mind alot?

Question Two:

What would be your advice to a couple who parent in totally different ways? (One being on the whole strict, boundary-focused, routine-driven and caring but less 'nurturing', the other being extremely flexible, fairly lax in terms of behaviour but more fun and physically loving?)
Is it always imperative that parents come to an agreement aobut the same rules and boundaries or is it OK to have one set of rules with one parent and another set with the other?

Now please be kind everyone ... there is the tiniest chance that I might be asking for a friend

tutu100 · 05/09/2007 19:39

My son is 2 and has just stopped going to bed nicely. There has been no change in his life or routine. We have tried rapid return, but it is not working he used to go to sleep at approx 7.30 but now it is closer to 9pm and he is waking early as he always does normally between 5am to 6am.

Have you any suggestions for what we could try.

Thank you.

heifer · 05/09/2007 19:55

hello, don't know what to say now, I have gone all shy..

You are soo cool, I feel about 15 again and want to talk to the cool teacher..

Will you be my friend - apart from the fact that you would be an excellent babysitter I think that you would probably be a good larf in the bar..

Drinks are on me...

corblimeymadam · 05/09/2007 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BracingAir · 05/09/2007 21:15

Hello, I love your articles in the Times.

I was very glad that you do the timeout thingy when they misbehave.

But...what happens when you are breastfeeding? DD aged 3 will start jumping on me and the baby etc. I tell her I will give her cuddles etc after but in the end start threatening. I ask her to choose a sofa and then sit on a different one. If she still comes near i threaten to hit her which i feel really bad about.

So how do you disipline when you are looking after your other child and cannot stop eg breastfeeding?

thank you!

BracingAir · 05/09/2007 21:15

Hello, I love your articles in the Times.

I was very glad that you do the timeout thingy when they misbehave.

But...what happens when you are breastfeeding? DD aged 3 will start jumping on me and the baby etc. I tell her I will give her cuddles etc after but in the end start threatening. I ask her to choose a sofa and then sit on a different one. If she still comes near i threaten to hit her which i feel really bad about.

So how do you disipline when you are looking after your other child and cannot stop eg breastfeeding?

thank you!

BracingAir · 05/09/2007 21:16

oops!

BracingAir · 05/09/2007 21:19

oh, and also...what do you do if your dh is great with the kids...and you think your kids prefer him? I am fed up with "i dont like mummy"

and im the one who stays home to give the cuddles, reads all the parenting books and puts so much thought into it!

BandofMothers · 05/09/2007 22:17

I have one.

My 1 yo recently actually started sleeping thru the night (mostly) for which I am ever grateful. However, not wanting to sound like it's never good enough, I can't get her to sleep past about 5-5:30am. She still wakes then and wants milk (breast feed morning and bedtime still) and rarely goes back to sleep afterwards.
My question is how can I get her to push it back til about 6. 6 I can handle, 5 feels like the middle of the night. She and my 3.9 yo go to bed around 6:30 - 7pm. I have started keeping her up til about 11 for her nap so she sleeps til about 1pm, so I can consistently put her to bed at 7, though she is knackered by then. Is this the right thing to do??? Or should I try something else??

Or should I resign myself to being awake at 5 ish every day????

Bit long sorry.

Please answer my question, pretty, with sugar on top

BandofMothers · 05/09/2007 22:19

Oh and PS, she is still in my bedroom as she wasn't sleeping thru, and now cos she is up so early. I want to put her in with her sister and get my room back, should I just do it?? Would she sleep better if not in with me?? Sometimes if I even roll over, or god forbid try to get out of bed for a wee it can wake her up
I really don't want her waking her sister at 5 too.
I don't know what to do................

millie99 · 05/09/2007 22:25

Could you tell me why the BBC in its wisdom thought that 7pm would be a good time to air a parenting programme (Little Angels)?
I would have loved to watch it more often as I think your advice is great but was usually dealing with my own childcare issues at this time of night!

MOre importantly: how do I dissuade my 3 year old from poo-ing in his pants. He is toilet trained for wees but absolutely refuses to go for a poo on the toilet-instead he goes and hides somewhere round the house or garden.When I challenge him he just says that he won't do it again but inevitably does.

Thank you

XcupcakemummyX · 06/09/2007 06:52

hello

i am ex nursery school teacher and am baffled by the situtation at my ds kindergarten

just three days in they say they can not handle him

he is pushing and shoving
i do not know why surely a kindergarten should be able to resolve an issue like this without having to call a meeting with us after three days

he is a loving zippy demanding child and i am feeling hurt by this sitution

Gingerbear · 06/09/2007 07:15

Hello Tanya.

I would like to know what is the best way to introduce new foods to my reluctant 5 year old daughter?
She likes fish, sausages and chicken, pasta and rice, most fruit and a few vegetables, but I am still cooking separate meals for her and for myself and my husband.

What I would really like is for her to overcome her aversion to sauces - and try bolognese, curry, stir fries etc.

many thanks.

mabelmurple · 06/09/2007 08:43

Can I add another eating question? My 7 year old dd had a choking episode about six weeks ago (not particularly serious, but it was to her) and now seems to be afraid to swallow anything. Mealtimes have now turned into a nightmare - she chews everything for absolutely ages and so takes SUCH a long time to eat a reasonable amount (ie what she used to eat) that we are at the table for far too long waiting for her to finish. The other thing she does is eat a tiny amount and then announce that she is full. She will also swallow something, then cough and in a panic reach for her drink of water to help her swallow it - I don't have a problem with that as such, but the panic in her action worries me, and I am also concerned she will be filling her tummy with water. she has visibly lost weight over the summer, and occasionally complains that she feels dizzy - I am sure that this is through lack of sufficient food. What is the best way forward?

Nbg · 06/09/2007 08:50

mablemurple, I had the exact same problem when I was younger from a chocking incident.

If you want to CAT me I'd be happy to talk to you about it

ghosty · 06/09/2007 08:56

Hi Tanya
Could you give me some hints on how to build self esteem in 7 year olds? My son is a big worrier and often struggles with his emotions. When he does something 'naughty' he says "I am the baddest boy in the world" and things like that despite the fact that we NEVER use that language to him and only ever talk about the thing that he DID was naughty or bad or silly.
A kind mumsnetter pointed me to a couple of books but some ideas from you would be gratefully received.
ghosty x