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WEBCHAT GUIDELINES: 1. One question per member plus one follow-up. 2. Keep your question brief. 3. Don't moan if your question doesn't get answered. 4. Do be civil/polite. 5. If one topic or question threatens to overwhelm the webchat, MNHQ will usually ask for people to stop repeating the same question or point.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ

Live chat with Dr Tanya Byron, Thursday 6 September between 1-2pm

414 replies

OliviaMumsnet · 03/09/2007 14:01

Hi all
We're delighted to announce that Dr Tanya Byron will be here for an online chat with Mumsnetters this Thursday, 6 September.

Tanya is a practicing consultant in child and adolescent mental health and has two children of her own. Her new parenting book Your Child, Your Way encourages you to really think about the kind of parent you are and the kind you want to be, but mostly to understand your child.

Tanya will be joining us for an hour on Thursday at 1 o'clock, so grab your sarnies, get your questions ready and join us then.

For those of you who have unavoidable lunchtime commitments, we'll let you post your questions in advance here.

Thanks, MNHQ

For the rest of you, we'll see you on the 6th.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 04/09/2007 10:45

dear tanya,

please can you tell me how to stop my son (6) from lashing out (hitting) me - if you saw a child hitting their mother at the supermarket what would you expect the mum to do?

lljkk · 04/09/2007 10:54

Since Cod is playing silly buggers, can I revise my question to include more detail, would rather it was:

How much time (daily) should I let my 8 yr old son spend playing computer games and watching TV?

....AND How do I persuade him to want to do anything else, that doesn't involve spending lots of money?

I have 2 other young children, plus a baby on the way, so hard to give any child much 1-to-1 time, and I need the willingness and help of the 8 yr old (eldest) for us all to get out of the house during the holidays.

Aero · 04/09/2007 11:16

How on earth do you discipline a 3.5 year old who's smarter than you and laughs in the face of authority?!!

Ds2 is child no3 of 3, and is the hardest to control. Refuses to stand still while getting dressed etc, with me constantly dodging his very hard head! Continually interupts his older siblings, despite being asked to wait his turn (which he understands perfectly), plays with his food making a total mess, despite being perfectly able to use a fork etc. He is intelligent, funny, adorable, and has good concentration skills (puzzles, hama beads etc), gets plenty of one-to-one attention (and constantly demands more) but sometimes I feel like I'm losing my grip with him and cannot find a way to discipline him which he doesn't openly laugh in my face at, and I don't understand why he does things deliberately which he knows wind me up. He seems to enjoy making me cross, and only apologises for his own ends iyswim. I feel that if I lose control at this age, then I'm setting myself up for future problems. Any advice welcome! TIA

saltire · 04/09/2007 11:16

Ok here's a question.

Since your husband is in The Bill, can he get me Smithy's phone number?

LaCod · 04/09/2007 12:45

silly buggers? as IF

Nemo2007 · 04/09/2007 12:50

oh me me me before I loose the plot.

How do I get Ds 3.11yrs to sleep through? He doesnt actually get out of bed unless it is to use the loo but he screams and shouts through the night some episodes lasting 1-2hrs. Have tried going to him, ignoring him and also have a reward chart in full swing of which he is yet to get the no shouting screaming etc until 6.30am star!!

MrsMarvel · 04/09/2007 13:00

Hello Dr Tanya,
I remember on the House of TTs once you said "this is the best way to do this job" or words to that effect.
I reckon that this is because
a) you film people and they see themselves
b) you are there fly on the wall watching
c) the whole family is involved
This method clearly works really well but I have heard that you want to stop doing it on TV.
So many people I know have learned from TV parenting programmes. Some programmes are voyeuristic and OTT, but people do learn from them.
Even in the most deprived areas family support simply isn't there because this type of intervention can only be carried out by trained psychologists.
How do you see the way forward for parenting and family support? Basically I want to train to do this and don't know which direction to go in.

LaCod · 04/09/2007 13:15

nemo you knwo the anser - youve seen it on the show

that or PAY him
a mate did that

GHet · 04/09/2007 13:20

Hi, my son has just started school today and I've had the most traumatic drop off I could have imagined. He is quite shy and very stubborn, and it was 10.30 by the time we got to school as he refused to get in his car seat. In the end I sat in the car and just waited until he calmed down and got in, but I can't do this every day. Any advice??

doggiesayswoof · 04/09/2007 13:26

[hijack]

By LaCod on Mon 03-Sep-07 19:03:34

ir ead your dh is vegan

is that attractive?

Ahem... my dh is vegan, cod, and he is gorgeous

[end of hijack]

Tanya is cool. Will be at work Thurs... will have to read transcript later

Lilliput · 04/09/2007 14:47

How do I crack early waking in 2.5 year old. He wakes 5.30/6am, goes to bed (not cot) at 7pm because he is shattered.He has a good nightime bed routine. He won't go down for a nap in his bed during the day but will often fall asleep in the car or sometimes on the sofa in front of TV. I would love him just to sleep an hour or so longer.

Isababel · 04/09/2007 18:01

Would you have considered covering shyness in any your TV programs?

Although not exactly a misbehaviour, it can be a source of anxiety both for the child and family. However, although it is quite a common problem we hardly get to see any good efective advice on how to cope with it and make it easier for the child.

Thank you

iamasurvivor · 04/09/2007 18:17

hi dr tanya, i have a three year old daughter who acts like a teenager. can be very cheeky and when i am telling her off, she will sometimes shout back at me.
what would recommend a a suitable yet effective discipline? we have tried naughty step/corner which didnt work, so have started to use time out which she really doesnt like, shall i persevere with this???
she is a very bright little girl and i wonder if some of her behaviour is linked to her feelings of frustration.

i have your little angels book, so will start keeping a behaviour diary to see how that works out.

i think you are a genius, and cant wait to see more of you on the television. keep up the good work.

many thanks Dot xx

JARM · 04/09/2007 18:25

Dr Tanya....

My just turned 3yr old is a nightmare. She refuses to listen, maintain eye contact and will generally scream until we are unable to take any more.

We have tried talking, screaming back, and time out.

Nothing is working.

Is it jealousy towards 22mnth old sister and the impending arrival of new brother? Is she prone to picking up on our stresses as we are due to move house this weekend, or has she just spent 6 long weeks out of pre-school and bored? This behaviour only started once she finished pre-school before the summer.

Many thanks

JARM

bigwombat · 04/09/2007 18:34

How do you encourage an 8yr old girl to go to sleep early enough? She goes to bed at 8.30pm calmly after bath, quiet time as normal but then is often awake at 10pm or later, and then is tired and grumpy in the morning. It was noticeable over the holidays that she was in a much better mood if allowed to sleep until she naturally woke up. She seems to have insomnia to some extent. Are there any medications which we could try without risk??

(PS I sat next to you in German class at school - creep creep!! )

madmarchhare · 04/09/2007 18:54

Doc, you must answer LadyTH's question about the praising/good/bad behaviour one and how not to go completely insane in the process of sticking it out (for two years). Please.

p.s. you always have really fabbo eye make up.

madmarchhare · 04/09/2007 18:57

Oh god yes, and what to do when time out and sticker charts have zero effect.

puffling · 04/09/2007 19:36

Bigwombat, apologies for not being Dr Tanya, but could you not set her bed time an hour earlier, thus giving her a lie in.

bigwombat · 04/09/2007 19:56

Hi puffling, we have tried that but she is just not tired enough, still lies in bed till 10 or beyond. The next day she is tired tho. Her Dad is a night owl so maybe that is it.

Billster · 04/09/2007 20:57

Have tried to think of something funny but after a day of hideous disciplinary meetings with young adults who seem to think using the c*t and f*k words in work shouldn't cause anyone offence, finding it hard to.

Why is it that knife and gang related violence seems to be on the increase with older children and teenagers?

It upsets me greatly and I often worry about the state society will be in when our tiddlers and toddlers finally get to that age.

chankins · 04/09/2007 21:00

Any advice on dealing with a three and a hlf yr old who wets herself constantly and does not mind being wet and smelly? Have tried sticker charts, reward incentives, taking away pudding/treats etc, telling her off, and ignoring it. Its not that I mind too much the accidents as her older sis was slow to toilet train too, it s the not telling us she's wet that annoys me! What am I doing wrong ?

margosbeenplayingwithmynoonoo · 04/09/2007 21:07

Can you EVER satisfy a childs curiosity while they're going through the "why" stage?

I don't want to be one of those mums who shout "BECAUSE I SAID SO" after the 13th time of being asked why

jaynehater · 05/09/2007 07:48
saltire · 05/09/2007 08:31

I have thought long and hard about this, but here's my question

I have two sons, aged 9 and7. The 9 year old is very difficult to handle. He cries over everything, he annoys his brother, they both fight constantly, he gets quite aggresive - well they both do, and end up battering each other. He argues back and seems to fly into the most horrible tempers, which he says "I can't help it I just get angry". He will often go behind the sofa dn sulk. No form of discipline seems to work, even grounding, because if they are both grounded I have them arguing and fighting and DS2 has a tendency to yell like a banshee so it gets very wearing. Older son also has a tendency to waken early, has done since he was little, 6am isn't unusual.
My own health isn't 100% just now, and I'm just so tired and fed up with it all.
Can you help.

Egypt · 05/09/2007 13:38

sleep - must have been done...

My 3 year old is a nightmare going to bed. Any excuse and she comes down, calls, etc. HOW ON EARTH do I keep her there? (Takes about an hour and a half of this for her to fall asleep). I try to put her down at 730 but she doesn't sleep until around 9 and wakes at 730.

Is it really possible for a 3 year old to only need 10.5 hours sleep a night and no naps in the day - ever? In which case should I just try putting her to bed at 9pm and have less 'messing around'? or what?!?! I neeeeeeeeed my peace in the evenings.

Or do I drag myself out of bed at 6 to wake her to shift the timings?

Thanking you so much!