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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ

Live chat with Dr Tanya Byron, Thursday 6 September between 1-2pm

414 replies

OliviaMumsnet · 03/09/2007 14:01

Hi all
We're delighted to announce that Dr Tanya Byron will be here for an online chat with Mumsnetters this Thursday, 6 September.

Tanya is a practicing consultant in child and adolescent mental health and has two children of her own. Her new parenting book Your Child, Your Way encourages you to really think about the kind of parent you are and the kind you want to be, but mostly to understand your child.

Tanya will be joining us for an hour on Thursday at 1 o'clock, so grab your sarnies, get your questions ready and join us then.

For those of you who have unavoidable lunchtime commitments, we'll let you post your questions in advance here.

Thanks, MNHQ

For the rest of you, we'll see you on the 6th.

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 03/09/2007 21:59

Dr T - couple of questions (Serious ones this time!)

1- We all have moments when we feel we haven't done a very good job as a parent - have lost temper with the children, etc. Do you experience those and have a bit of "physician, heal thyself moment?" Do you think, "Christ, I'm a childcare expert and even I can't get it right all the time - what hope have other people got?"

2 - Do you think people stress too much about getting children into the "right" school for snob value and don't concentrate enough on what they can do at home with the children?

emsiewill · 03/09/2007 22:10

Dr Tanya, I would love for you to come and help me sort out my relationship with my dd. However, I know that's not possible, so perhaps you can give me some pointers...

How would you deal with a 10 year old girl who can get obsessive about the way things are done, and if they are not done / don't happen the 'right' way (ie her way), explodes with fury to the extent that she cannot control herself? She is a 'perfect' child at school and (mostly) in the company of others, but can have us all walking on eggshells and tiptoeing round her at home for fear of riling her.

My general approach is to try and stay calm (v hard!) and not to inflame the situation. But how can we get her to understand that sometimes things don't happen the way you plan them, and that in life you have to sometimes go with the flow?

How do you teach a child to deal with their rage?

Sorry, v long.

LittleBella · 03/09/2007 22:25

Hi Dr Tanya, I'm sad you're not doing any more TV, I loved Little Angels, it was so helpful.

What would you advise me to do about an eight year old DS who is extremely negative? He is always negative about trying new things, immediate response to a "shall we go to this film" is "I might be bored", won't try new food, doesn't want to meet new people, always a glass half empty not half full attitude. If I ask him if he's had a good day, he focuses on the 2 bad things that happened, not the 12 good things. He hasn't seen his father since he was 2, has a younger sister who is positive, cheerful, bossy, confident and fights with him, he's doing OK in school but says people don't like him and I've approached Young Minds and was told I'm giving him too many choices and I should just tell him "we're going to..." instead of giving him choices. Have tried that, but he's as negative as ever. His father had depression and is an alcoholic, and I'm afraid my DS has the same personality traits that might make him vulnerable to these. I feel really helpless about how to help him. Would be grateful for any advice. Sorry it's so long, I wanted to give you as much background as possible.

domesticgrumpess · 03/09/2007 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LaCod · 03/09/2007 22:46

well i cna answer hat one
cos she has heard oyu saying it obviosly
kdks tlk as htey are spoekn too

domesticgrumpess · 03/09/2007 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LaCod · 03/09/2007 22:55

id tell ehr off is she spoke to me like tat ( afetr pickign jaw up off the floor) and send her to her room ( or whatever system you haev

ScummyMummy · 04/09/2007 06:17

Hi Tanya. (swoon at talking online to someone so fab.)

What time should 8 year olds go to bed on a school night?

If you and your husband ever disagree on family rules how do you resolve it without being controlling or claiming automatic victory because you're Dr Tanya and all your instincts and training tell you that you're right?

On a related but different note, if your husband showed your 8 year old sons films such as Beavis and Butthead and played console games with them featuring rather too much violence for your liking (I'm not talking grand theft auto here but stuff rated 12 or even 15 when they are 8), claiming father-son bonding and his personal vetting skills as mitigating factors and you feel that 8 really is a bit young for all this, while accepting that they are all having a great time... is it your motherly duty to embrace the killjoy role or should you leave them all to it? And if even slightly the former, how do you do it without undermining your husband? And what if he disagrees?

Thank you for any advice you may have.

roisin · 04/09/2007 07:00

Oh this is fantastic! Dr Tanya is so down-to-earth and sensible, without hype and doesn't claim to be re-inventing the wheel.

I would echo Cod's question about birth-order. My boys (8 and 10) are very different in very many ways, and I often wonder how much is due to birth order.

Of course we try constantly not to compare them (and fail). But at every stage ds1 has been (or has been expected to be?) more mature and grown-up and sensible. DS2 at 8 is can still be very silly at times ... well, OK most of the time

SauerKraut · 04/09/2007 07:47

Hello, Dr TB!
I would like to beg you to answer LadyTophamHatt's question about lying- my 10 year old boy is a serial liar, about everything- even when he knows he will be found out. It seems to be linked to an unwillingness to do what's asked of him- usually to do with simple house rules. I'm trying and failing to stop this ruining my relationship with him and I don't know how to react to the constant disobedience or the lying. HELP!

BecauseImWorthIt · 04/09/2007 08:08

OMG - in an hour she's going to have to perform miracles!

BecauseImWorthIt · 04/09/2007 08:10

Could we have her back again to do an hour on teenage issues? Please? [needy smile]

I know there's nothing to say that teenage problems aren't going to be covered, but there are so many parenting issues for babies/younger children alone.

morgansauntie · 04/09/2007 09:13

I wish the BBC had done a follow up programme to HOTT because I would love to know how the children are now some 2 years on. Not in a nasty way because I think it all falls a part when they get home, it's just that I really started to care about some of the children.

The little girl that I really fell in love with was Erin Scott who had Downs Syndrome so Tanya could you please let me know how she is getting on if you are still in contact with her mum Bridget. Is it hard to stay professional and emotionally detached or do some children like Erin breakdown those defences, from watching HOTT and IMO I think she found a special place in your heart.

I think everybody else has really valid and genuine questions the majority of which I would love to know the answers to as well this just shows how pouplar Tanya is but I think she may go into hiding before Thursday let alone have to perform miracles if she is following this thread

LaCod · 04/09/2007 09:20

so only I want to ask about tanyas neckerchiefs then

LaCod · 04/09/2007 09:21

srely the rigt time fo an 8 year old to go to bed is whe is right for him and you?
(but toehrwise 8pm)

tnaya move over 0 -I have got your job now

arfishy · 04/09/2007 09:21

Oh. My. God. MNHQ - you rock. You got Dr Tanya .

It's going to be midnight here when it starts but I am going to turn up (but possibly don't let me post - DP had 2 more cases of wine turn up today ).

Anyway, getting back to my "DD's best friend made her drink her urine" thread.

The little girl is 5 and the last 3 times they've been together has made DD do urine-related things - the last time (a trial visit after previous incidents) she made DD drink her urine from a cup when her carer had nipped out of the bathroom, the previous time she made her urinate on the floor and the time before urinated in all of her parents/siblings beds (she asked DD to but she refused).

The mother reacted badly (defensively and said it was no big deal) when she was told about the urine drinking.

What would cause this sort of behaviour? Is it something worrying or just attention seeking? Should I mention the other incidents to the mother so she knows what's been going on (at the risk of being an interfering busy-body). Am I over-reacting to keep them apart from now on? Thank you.

oliveoil · 04/09/2007 09:26

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

not fair

I will not be here, I will be ferrying dd1 and dd2 about from playgroup to school or somewhere or other and generally being a dogsbody for the next week

I don't have any questions anyway being a superior parenting type...

LaCod · 04/09/2007 09:26

i win as being in hospital

oliveoil · 04/09/2007 09:27

hospital?

are you having a face lift?

LaCod · 04/09/2007 09:27

yes
and ds3 is havign his final eye op at the same time

oliveoil · 04/09/2007 09:29

oooooh, do you have a thread, bump if so, so we do not take over HRH Tanya's thread

LaCod · 04/09/2007 09:30

no tis ok
thast all to say. last one
ONE milimeter lit

oliveoil · 04/09/2007 09:32

oh good

am off now to do some work, have to fit in 3 days work in one

lionheart · 04/09/2007 09:35

Bridget's story was so moving and terrible, I remember that very well.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 04/09/2007 10:00

Oh why does it have to be while i have a driving lesson???

Can i just ask:

How do you prepare a 2.10yo child for moving house and pre-school and moving away from family anf friends??

We're moving 2 1/2 hours away from everything she knows at the end of the month but no amount of me explaining to her stops the tantrums about being so far away from nanny and grandad and having to change schools!