Live webchat on adoption with children's minister Edward Timpson MP, Tuesday 6 January 1-2pm

[KateHMumsnet]

Hello,

We're pleased to announce a webchat this week with children's minister Edward Timpson MP. You may remember his recent webchat to discuss the 2014 SEND changes, and we'll be welcoming him back to MNHQ to answer your questions on all things adoption-related (though of course, questions about other aspects of his government brief are welcome too).

Prior to entering Parliament, Edward was a family law barrister in Cheshire, specialising in the cases of vulnerable children. He has two adopted brothers and his parents have fostered 87 children over the last 30 years, many of whom Edward grew up with.

Until his ministerial appointment he was Chairman of the All Party Parliamentary Groups on Adoption & Fostering and Looked After Children & Care Leavers and Vice Chairman for the Runaway & Missing Children group. He is married with three children.

Please join us live on Tuesday 6 January from 1-2pm if you can. If you can't make it on the day, please post up your questions in advance here.

Thanks
MNHQ

Hi Edward,

Happy New Year! Thanks for coming to MN.

My sister is adopted so this is a subject close to my heart. I'm from the US and my family was able to adopt her relatively easily, on the day she was born. We took her home from the hospital, which is very common for adoptions there. I'm pleased to say there has been zero taboo about adoption in my experience, everything about the process had been incredibly positive. She's 21 now and adoption was never an issue amongst our family/social circle.

However, when I speak with British family/friends the situation here seems to be the a bit of the opposite, that it's very hard to adopt children as babies and that the process is difficult. A member of my husband's family was adopted and he/they have some horrible stories about the process. I wonder what your thoughts are on why adoption is this way in the UK (specifically as regards adopting children as babies), and how it can be changed in the future? A very broad question I know, sorry!

Thanks

Is there any way in which birth parents can obtain more support that what is currently offered. In my experience even the adoption counselling offered is short lived and I had to fight to get it.

Hello Edward, if I may call you that.

I am mum to an adopted son and a birth daughter.

We are very fortunate that we have had a very 'smooth' experience of adoption, so far. Our son has been home less than a year and has so far adjusted very well, and our local authority have been very supportive.

Unfortunately, I have heard (here especially on mumsnet adoption threads) of people who are really struggling with problems in the family when parenting children who have joined the family by adoption. The amount of support that is provided seems to vary greatly, with some poor parents struggling on without help. They have looked for help and not found any.

I really hope the government knows that encouraging more adoption without providing post adoption support is not going to work in the long run because it may well lead to more family breakdowns. Which is the last thing these children, or families, need!

It would also, in the long run, be very, very expensive to pay for specialist foster or residential care when adoptive parents may have been very able to cope and enable their kids to survive and thrive with the right post adoption support.

Adoptive parents become the expert in their kids, I believe very quickly, they know what would help their kids and themselves, they learn 'on the job', just as all parents do.

Will those in power and in control of the purse strings listen to what parents think their kids need? Will they support these parents to meet the children's needs? Failure to do so could have a very, very high price tag.

Can you give some idea how the government plans to support all these new families, with therapy being very expensive and budgets being cut, how can the needs of these children and families be met?

Thank you.

Hi Edward,

I echo what ItalianGreyhound has said above...post adoption support and therapeutic involvement with specialists in attachment disorders, trauma and prenatal drug/alcohol exposure is urgently needed.

CAMHS is not up to the job - their waiting lists are too long, adopted kids get no priority, and the staff do not have the in depth understanding of these issues.

(I feel that every social services department should employ a specialist psychologist with these specific skills, who could be on hand to advise and treat these children.)

I have a dear friend whose adoption has failed after many many years, as the child entered puberty and all hell let loose. There was no help available, other than social workers visiting for an hour every 6 weeks. Even when it was clear the placement was breaking down, no help was forthcoming. There was no money.....

The child has now gone back into care - a specialist agency placement that is costing the LA a fortune (thats a whole other can of worms) and still, no help is available to the child or the adoptive family, who are devastated.

MNHQ Could we do another Q&A about foster care some time (I'm a foster carer)?

Hello

We have tried to go through the adoption process twice. We saw many adverts, posters, tv etc asking for people to adopt and you could if you were renting, a single parent, disabled, in debt. Both times we were refused right from the very start. We were told we would need to pay off any credit card debts, any loans etc. At the time it wasn't a huge amount, very similar to most families, but too much to pay in one lump sum, we managed quite well with our income and we are home owners, our child never missed out on anything. We were also told that it could be difficult because we have a child (8 at the time). We were desperately wanting to offer a child of any age, a chance to join our family, we were also told we needed more 'childcare experience' which I must say made us cry with laughter, being parents already, a children's football coach and a qualified and very experienced Nursery Nurse, who had come into contact with and worked with disadvantaged families, social services, foster carers. We understand it's right to help families who need extra vital help and support, but there are the families who are not interested in making a better life for their children. We found this rejection from the authorities very upsetting, especially when working with families who actually are not interested in their children, have one child after another, constantly put them in danger, never show love towards their child, never put them first and have so many agencies running around them, the total cost of the workforce trying to keep these families together is a massive amount in salaries paid....so what kind of life do you think a 'disadvantaged' child would rather have? To stay with their drug addicted parent? To stay in foster care for a very long time because a 'suitable' family can't be found, rather than be adopted into a loving family can't be found. A loving family, just a 'normal' family environment. We have years of experience but clearly it wasn't enough. Needless to say, we know of three families who have managed to go through the adoption process and all three have......money, two homes, luxury holidays nice cars. So the original plea to find adoptive parent isn't quite true is it? Perhaps we didn't fit the mould. Are they going to remove children from families who are in a small amount of debt? Of course not. Some children can be helped but there are many more who can't, we were willing to offer a stable, loving home but this wasn't enough and we would like to know why?

Hello,

I would also like to know more about how post adoption support can be improved. I am mum to our two adopted daughters who came to us aged 2.5 and 1.5. The eldest is starting to show issues with attachment and struggling at school, main issues seem to be how to form relationships with her peers. Because we adopted from another area (children had to be moved out of the area for safety reasons) the only support we have is back in that county. This isn't practical obviously - shouldn't LA's work more closely together?

Also, the foster family we had was inadequate. I don't understand why the foster carers don't have to meet certain goals - attending toddler groups so the children mix with others, recording details of first steps etc so background information can be shared, educating them on road safety etc. This might happen anyway of course and we just had a bad experience!

On a positive note we found the whole experience relatively pain free and fairly quick! But our social worker was brilliant!

My brother was adopted after the death of my mother in 1967. His adopted parents prevented me from seeing my brother for 10 years with disastrous consequences for us both. The attitude of the adoptive parents were that they were his family and he should have a fresh start. I have recently been in contact with a person who had a similar experience 7 years ago. Surely, this sort of skewed thinking cannot be legislated against. What protection and support in your opinion should be offered to siblings in such circumstances.

i agree that there is little publicity given to the fact that many adoptions fail, when one child has been with a foster parent for too long.

I asked a lot of questions on last adoption chat on MN only to be fobbed off by the person . However I received a lot of support from other posters.

Adoptive parents never seem to be taken seriously, just because child is not their DNA.

Love transcends biology.

Basically, post adoption services are unwilling to help settle a child thats had other placements and trauma from abuse and other changes prior to adoption.

The Gov go on about getting children adopted sooner than later and seeing them settled.

Weve had 16 moves in 10 years because of disability discrimination (both child and I are disabled), private landlords raising rent that housing benefit wouldnt cover (im also a fulltime carer for disabled child), and let down by council housing not adapting places for disabilities, plus bedroom tax for a tiny room adapted for disabilities (dont know what party you belong to but if you're Labour, please keep your promises to take the BT off if elected, and if you're coalition, well, I dont want to swear!!!!)

my poor child was abused in every way, had 3 foster placements before I adopted child (foster carers couldnt cope with the disabilities, especially the mental ones), and yet poor thing cant ever settle and we cant call anywhere home because of one thing or another (too long a story and there are other posters on here with equally valid questions and situations).

Its not fair.

Adopted children get overlooked many many times, as do disabled people.

So, whats the plan? What can be done for vulnerable families and especially adopted rtaumatised children?

im trying my best to give my child a decent life yet hit brick walls all the thime.

Thank you.

(wont be able to join 'live')

Why hasn't John Hemming been bought to book - repeatedly - over his utterly ludicrous stance on adoption?

Why is there so little joined up thinking across the country when it comes to matching? It has taken private enterprise to put in place a national online database of approved parents and children (adoptionlink). A national register which was truly comprehensive would result in hugely improved matching for children and I can't understand how that isn't a priority. It doesn't make sense that some people are waiting months before being matched to children who have likewise been available for adoption for months. It doesn't make sense that it takes months for links to be approved and introductions to begin either as pointed out by PP - how can this process be streamlined?

I have serious concerns about the lack of understanding of attachment and basic medical information by some/most social workers. Complete lack of understanding of genetic inheritance, no knowledge of child development including really basic information like percentiles etc. We have had to basically educate our social workers and neither of us has a science background. What can be done to improve standards? Is anyone even aware of this as an issue?

I recently applied to my local authority and the county court for adoption records.

I have been told by both of them that I need counselling before they will release the records.

My adoption was a closely guarded secret of shame growing up, I find it extremely difficult to talk about it to strangers.

I do not want counselling.

Why can't I have my records?

As the adoptive parent of two young children, I would like to make two points:

1. There should be a review of training and preparation for adoptive parents to ensure it is consistently high quality and up-to-date across the country. I feel I was inadequately prepared for becoming an adoptive parent. The focus of the training was on the difficult backgrounds of many of the children up for adoption but with no information on how these difficulties might manifest themselves as children get older, no guidance on how to parent these troubled children and nothing on adoption disruptions or attachment theories.

I also think there should be more emphasis on the impact of adoption on relationships within the family. In my case, my marriage broke down as a direct result of adopting my children. I have had to give up my beloved career to become a full-time carer for my children with their multiple and complex needs, none of which were identified at placement.

2. As others have pointed out, post-adoption support is severely lacking. Whilst I do have some support in place, I have had to identify the support required and fight for it; it was not suggested or offered. I don't feel I have had any guidance on how to manage the difficulties we face. The intensive therapies my children require are simply not available.

Although I have regular meetings with the professionals involved in my children's care (health, education, social work and other agencies) I don't feel anyone is an expert nor does there seem to be anyone anywhere who can be consulted.

I fear that my family will break down completely and nobody can prevent it. I also fear for the future and safety of my traumatised and troubled children especially as they reach adolescence.

or, WUME, you want to see them before assessing how you feel!

I'd also like to echo ladyofthehouse's concerns over the quality of foster care.

Dear Edward

I would second what Crackerjack said but would also ask what the government is doing to assume adopters and prospective adopters that they are not just unpaid foster carers following the recent decision of Mr Justice Holman to remove a child from its parents of over a year, refuse to make an adoption order and send the child to live with a blood relative who the child had never met. This decision has left a lot of adopters pre AO feeling very insecure (particularly given that their is a question mark over the paternity of adopted children in a lot of cases) and like the importance of being a blood relative outweighs everything else.

Thank you

I will be unable to join live, as I'll be attempting to persuade my adopted daughter (toddler) to eat something for lunch! However, I would like to ask this:

Why are adoptive parents (and prospective adopters) not provided with legal advice? Birth families are able to access this, but adopters only have SWs to advise them. Their knowledge of law can be very erratic, and at present adopters can only rely on the SW's word that due process has occurred around the child being placed. With particular regard to the situation BarbadosGirl refers to, the lack of legal advice or information leaves adopters very vulnerable even after the child has joined their family.

Good point Zammo

This is a question that a group of adopters have put together so covers one area of adoption but is based on a number of experiences.

We'd like to ask what plans are being discussed (if any) for ways to overhaul the matching process. As an example of the types of issues currently I have listed a few examples below:

• proposed matches being cancelled because of spurious personal opinions from social workers

• proposed matches being cancelled due to unsatisfactory or incomplete birth parent assessments being 'discovered' at a late stage

• proposed matches where children are in foster care with birth parents consent therefore not needing a placement order etc. being dragged out over months rather than being fast tracked as foster to adopt

• social worker actions (or inactions) resulting in delays to placement

Obviously, when situations like the above occur it's devastating for all involved, but in a number of cases the very people who should be 'immune' from these things are affected (children in care for months longer than necessary, children having started introductions but not being placed), yet there seems to be no acceptance from social services (from what we have seen) that these situation are unacceptable. The improvement in approval times etc. have been brilliant, but sadly everything seems to fall down once you're approved - and this is the section where everyone's attention should be focussed. Can you tell us what the plans are to address this, please?

What do you think should happen to the Inquiry into the historic abuse of so many children in care, and do you think that rules on adoption were changed in the 1980s so that more children stayed in care for longer, rather than being adopted, for example in Lambeth?

Throughout the entire process we are told that we need to be completely dedicated to a child. We are expected to build up a relationship with the child right the way through from the moment we start introductions, but their is still the chance, as has been shown by the recent case, that the child is removed and given back to birth parents/their choice of relatives.
This undoubtably will lead to prospective adoptive parents not wanting to adopt, and also certain children not being placed as they are too "high risk".
What can be done to improve this?