Live webchat with Steve Biddulph about Raising Girls, Wednesday 16 January, 9pm to 10pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Parenting expert Steve Biddulph is joining us for another webchat on Weds 16 January at 9pm - 10pm. Steve last joined Mumsnet back in 2000 when he talked about his book Love, Laughter and Parenting as well as his worldwide bestseller, Raising Boys.

We're delighted that Steve is returning to talk to us about his latest book, Raising Girls. This was written as a response to the 'sudden and universal deterioration in girls' mental health, starting in primary school and devastating the teen years'. The book is both a call-to-arms for parents and a detailed guide through the five key stages of girlhood to help build strength and connectedness into your daughter from infancy onwards. Join the discussion and you will be entered into a draw to win one of five copies of Steve Biddulph's Raising Girls.

If you're interested in Steve's latest book, Mumsnet Academy are running a one day seminar with Steve on 26 January in London. Here's more information.

Put the date in your diary to join the discussion on Weds 16 at 9pm-10pm and if you're unable to join us then, post a question in advance to this thread.

Well said Lessthanaballpark. As a woman, that is certainly one pressure I don't need and certainly one that men don't have or feel the need to have. I strongly believe that we shouldn't be teaching girls to bear the responsibility for other people's feelings and relationships and be teaching our boys more empathy and how to cultivate friendships between 5 and 10.

Herewego
He is not answering our questions anyway. The side spat with Mumma doesn't slow Steve down.

MummaBubba - my 3 definitely don't fall into the stereotypes. I have a 7yo girl who is loud and needs to burn off energy, a 6yo boy who is very good at sitting and listening, and a 3yo boy who likes dressing up and being pretty. Perhaps the difference between your kids and my kids accounts of some of the differences in our reception of his work?

Exactly, can we stop wasting time about research when this is supposed to be about asking questions about raising girls? I'm sure he'd be happy to respond to your research-based questions on other books personally. We don't have time here. Just comes across as challenging diversion that undermines purpose of webchat. THAT is the shame of it. NOT that you are asking about the statistical research facts!

lets keep going a bit longer if mumsnet don't mind.
The withdrawal of dads from girls and boys lives was throughout the twentieth century. Dads are now increasing their involvement. It seems, and their is good evidence, to really improve girls's self esteem, sexual safety, school attainment. But its a huge thing, and we have a long way to go. Thebook has very specific and detailed guidelines for dads, in special section as well as throughout the book. If I have achieved one thing in this life I think I have encouraged dads to play a part in their kids lives.

Its likely the girls affected most by sexualization, most exploited by boys, and most prone to eating disorders, are the ones whose dads don't step up, but leave it all to the mother. So given that most mothers do apretty good job, dads are certainly the missing link.

Another good comment from MmeLindor. So true. It is one of the things I am trying to do. With limited success. I have two boys. Like opposites at the moment. But eldest is being typically stereotyped because he likes dinosaurs. Who doesn't like dinosaurs I say?

He seems to be asking more questions than he answers

And it's not an either-or thing. My little boy (just coming up for 5) is very active and up every tree he can reach the branches of (just like me when I was a kid). But he's also deeply emotionally involved in his friendships (which seem every bit as complex as the stereotypical little girl friendships), has very good fine motor skills, loves drawing. Sometimes his toy cars have races, sometimes they have tea parties in the dolls house. I just don't find attaching gender specific labels to children's activities terribly useful.

My niece (and I'm posting on this thread because I want to discuss it with SIL and her first language isn't English) isn't yet two, but so far, no, mumma, she doesn't fit the stereotype. In fact, lots of people who don't know assume she is a little boy. I wonder what the effect of this will be, and how long it will go on.

Dr biddulph,what's your thoughts on neuronal plasticity,experience,and reinforcement as determinants of behaviour and observable trait,rather than gender. the fMRI evidence for gender differences is inconclusive and contested.

what syour thoughts on fMRI in explaining gender differences

mumma, knock it off, you're being very rude.

Thanks for staying to chat longer, Steve, much appreciated.

Only one of my four (a boy) liked dinosaurs - was potty about them. Other three (two girls, one boy), no interest at all. Not sure that tells you anything at all .

@HotheadPaisan

'Recently he has been outspoken about the premature sexualization of girls through media exposure, impacting on the mental health of girls.'

Would like to hear more on this - what should be done about it?

Okay - most of my work is in Australia of course. But I belong to a collective that confronts sexualization in advertizing and the media, called Collective Shout. The first half of Raising Girls is all about this, but its a depressing picture and so balanced with what we can individually do. Keeping commercial TV away from small children. Not being ourselves concerned with weight and dieting. Making sure our girls are out doing active and messy and energetic things, not dressed in frilly dresses where they can't move. Getting very involved with nieces when they are in the 10-14 age group and need a mentor. Directing our girls more to their own inner world and their own judgement not that of others.

I understand what you are saying but in this busy world we live in very often fathers are absent.

My other half runs his own company, he hates it that he is rarely home before dd goes to bed and that he works Sat. Very often he will say Sunday is daddy and ..... Day, but it is really hard. Is my dd really going to suffer because of this?

I appreciate you taking the time to answer me again, Steve, and I realised I had a 'secret agenda' underpinning what I was asking that made me dissatisfied with what you're saying!

I'm not so interested in the 'specific and detailed guidelines for dads', I realise, because I am a single mother and have been for around 17 years. I want to know whether you think a father offers something unique, or whether a mother can in fact provide every bit of guidance and support that a dad can, if she needs to...

@scottishmummy

Dr biddulph,what's your thoughts on neuronal plasticity,experience,and reinforcement as determinants of behaviour and observable trait,rather than gender. the fMRI evidence for gender differences is inconclusive and contested.

what syour thoughts on fMRI in explaining gender differences

As I said, there is cultural shaping of gender all the time. and its getting much worse. In the book we note the toy industry has gone totally gendered,even lego. But those core differences are still there. Hormones are real. But they don't determine our fate. Its a subtle thing.

@flow4

I appreciate you taking the time to answer me again, Steve, and I realised I had a 'secret agenda' underpinning what I was asking that made me dissatisfied with what you're saying!

I'm not so interested in the 'specific and detailed guidelines for dads', I realise, because I am a single mother and have been for around 17 years. I want to know whether you think a father offers something unique, or whether a mother can in fact provide every bit of guidance and support that a dad can, if she needs to...

Really appreciate your honesty flow4 A father provides a practice male, a hopefully safe man who loves you, is not sexual towards you, and treats you as special and valuable. Intelligent and with your own views. But you don't have to be a father (or even male necessarily) to do this. It just helps.
Granddads, uncles, teachers, can fill this place.
And a single mum teaches other important strengths - that a woman doesn't NEED a man. So there are plusses. I think its good to have both sexes in a girls' life. But they don't have to be married.

Mumma
Since Steve is not answering our questions, I am not sure why you are continually berating us for asking them.

You might like to find out a bit how these webchats work before you join in one again. We are allowed to ask critical questions, it is why authors and politicians come on MN.

You should have seen the last Nick Clegg chat.

@stevebiddulph

But I belong to a collective that confronts sexualization in advertizing and the media, called Collective Shout.

This sounds a lot like Mumsnet's Let Girls Be Girls

@Paddlinglikehell

I understand what you are saying but in this busy world we live in very often fathers are absent.

My other half runs his own company, he hates it that he is rarely home before dd goes to bed and that he works Sat. Very often he will say Sunday is daddy and ..... Day, but it is really hard. Is my dd really going to suffer because of this?

Yes. I would challenge him to re-evaluate his priorities. Thats, speaking as man. Its also making it hard for you. You might need to discuss what your shared goals are, financial and so on. Business is only going to get harder in future. Lots of men quit their jobs or change them after reading my Manhood book. I am glad of that. Daughters matter. Many women can recall a dad who was too busy, and how it wounded them.

" In the book we note the toy industry has gone totally gendered,even lego. "

Steve, if the toy industry's gender stereotyping annoys you, then you are in good company! Our very own homegrown-here-at-Mumsnet campaign LetToysBeToys would really welcome your input.

Please come visit us!

Hormones don't determine our personality. That is a ridiculous thing to say. Hormones help our body to perform its functions.

dr biddulph are you saying toys and their gender identifiable assignations shape traits and behaviours,as opposed to gender?is the influence of external variables like peer,societal pressure greater than gender