Live webchat with Steve Biddulph about Raising Girls, Wednesday 16 January, 9pm to 10pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Parenting expert Steve Biddulph is joining us for another webchat on Weds 16 January at 9pm - 10pm. Steve last joined Mumsnet back in 2000 when he talked about his book Love, Laughter and Parenting as well as his worldwide bestseller, Raising Boys.

We're delighted that Steve is returning to talk to us about his latest book, Raising Girls. This was written as a response to the 'sudden and universal deterioration in girls' mental health, starting in primary school and devastating the teen years'. The book is both a call-to-arms for parents and a detailed guide through the five key stages of girlhood to help build strength and connectedness into your daughter from infancy onwards. Join the discussion and you will be entered into a draw to win one of five copies of Steve Biddulph's Raising Girls. 

If you're interested in Steve's latest book, Mumsnet Academy are running a one day seminar with Steve on 26 January in London. Here's more information.
 
Put the date in your diary to join the discussion on Weds 16 at 9pm-10pm and if you're unable to join us then, post a question in advance to this thread.
 

[MummaBubba123]

Oops. I see it was my inability to catch up with the times! Someone was using my name to actually respond to me! lol
I'd rather leave this to listening to what Steve has to say. I'd rather not challenge his knowledge and experience as I'm sure it'll be of value. We are all welcome to filter out the bits we don't feel are applicable - or correct. Perhaps it's not the right webchat for you if you don't agree with the whole purpose of the thing!

[concessionsavailable]

Thank you Steve for answering my question

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I think lots of men write well about girls. It's probably more about the individual.

I've read bits of the book, not all of it.

[KRITIQ]

I can see the description of ages/stages as a general approach to "focus" on what matters for children and young people (but applicable to both girls and boys, as others have said.)

What IS different for boys and girls though is the wider social context - particularly the "cultural messages" that promote different characteristics and behaviours as "for girls" and "for boys." That starts at birth with the pink and blue segregation of clothes, toys and activities. It segues into messages from "popular culture" promoting the idea that girls and women should be attractive, passive and sexy boys and men should be hyper-,asculine, competitive and whatever they do, be NOTHING like girls. Many of these messages also glamourise and "normalise" violence against women and victim-blaming, which can influence their expectations of future sexual relationships.

Since it's virtually impossible to contain even young children's exposure to sexualised messages in society, do you have any advice for parents, teachers and other adults on how they can best support children to engage critically with this? How can we help them to resist the gender stereotyping, to be "their own people," and have the best chance of forming healthy, respectful, equitable relationships as they move into adult life?

(Also interested in a reference for the "testosterone surge" please. Thanks!)

[flow4]

Thanks for your reply, Steve, but it doesn't quite answer my question, which was "So my question is this - if there is a crisis for girls now - is this also due to men's withdrawal from parenting? What do you think fathers offer girls that mothers cannot? Or do you have some other explanation...?"

Your intro suggests that you think there is a crisis for girls. Is this (in your opinion only, I accept :) ) due to a lack of 'fathering'?

I'm especially interested in what you think father bring that mothers do not or cannot... The examples you gave in your reply relate mostly to self esteem; are you going so far as to suggest mothers can't give girls self esteem, and a father is essential?

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

Why not challenge someone's knowledge? If you are going to write a book designed to act as a guide for parents, surely its readers want to know that the information presented is right and not just based in stereotypes or unsubstantiated claims?

[HelenMumsnet]

@MummaBubba123

MUMSNET:
SOMEONE IS POSTING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION USING MY IDENTITY!
How is this possible. I did NOT post the message I've copied and pasted below but it's come up with MY IDENTITY:
MummaBubba123 the whole point of asking for evidence is that most of us don't believe some girls are 'more boyish' than others or that there are a list of characteristics Of girl/boy. That's because there is no real evidence that that is the case. Innate gender differences aren't scientifically verifiable and making claims about testosterone boosts at any age without evidence to back it up is ethically and scientifically unsound.

Please don't worry MummaBubba123. No one is posting using your identity.

The bit on the post that tells us who is "talking" is the bit in the blue bar with the person's username in and the date and time of the post.

The text in black in the white box is the content of the post. Sometimes, people like to reply specifically to others on the thread by putting their name in bold at the start of the post (in the white box).

Hope that's a little clearer.

[LurcioLovesFrankie]

Mumma - I don't think there's a right or wrong purpose to this webchat. Some people on here have found his books useful and want to ask parenting questions. Some of us are research scientists ourselves (though not necessarily in this area - but standards of evidence and citations for claims go across disciplines) and want to ask him questions about his research methodology and the evidence for his factual claims. Both are perfectly reasonable things to want to get out of a web chat.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Thanks for responding to my post Steve, that's made my evening !
I do look forward to reading your new book about Raising Girls, especially with DD on the brink of her teenage years.
The 5 stages sound intriguing !

[TunipTheVegedude]

MummaBubba, I think we disagree about the purpose of a webchat. I think it is fantastic that Mumsnet gives us the opportunity to talk directly to people who write books about which we have questions, so we can ask them to clarify stuff about which we're not clear, explain to us where the get the info from so we can follow it up, if they've forgotten to give a reference, and sometimes further understand the political dimensions of where they're coming from and thus gain a deeper comprehension of their oeuvre. It is absolutely not about setting them on a pedestal and expecting us to stay away if we don't nod enthusiastically at everything they say.

[scottishmummy]

do stop instructing us how to post mummabubba,point of discussion,is to discuss and that includes contest and comment

I'm sure dr biddulph is used to robust discussion

[MummaBubba123]

Am I the only person on this webchat to have a girl and a boy that pretty much fall into stereotypical behaviours / characteristic types? My daughter will sit and concentrate, be eagre to please, etc. while my son was racing off at 7 months - learning through 'doing'. I feel this is all getting nowhere as some people on here are more interested in tying Steve down over evidence used in his books. Whatever! Shame!

[concessionsavailable]

Lessthanaballpark that's a very interesting point and I completely agree.

[LesBOFerables]

I'm sure Steve didn't just pull those facts out of his arse. That's crazy talk.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Um ... mumma, I don't quite understand where you're coming from. One of the biggest compliments you can pay to someone who writes a well-researched book, is to show you're interested in their ideas and would like to know more.

There is no reason to say 'shame!' to anyone asking about evidence.

I'm sure, as scottish says, Dr Biddulph is used to a good discussion of the evidence, and I'm looking forward to his replies (though, eek, we've not much time!).

[TunipTheVegedude]

Steve, in answer to your question, men should write about girls, and it is important that they do so, but they need to do it with a full understanding of the political significance of them doing so in the context in which they are speaking/writing. In other words, it's not neutral that it's a man doing it. It means you are participating in a long tradition of men speaking to women about childcare - if you haven't already, you should read the most recent edition of Christina Hardyment's 'Dream Babies: Childcare Advice From Locke to Spock' on this, it's brilliant.

[stevebiddulph]

@HotheadPaisan

True about underdiagnosis and anxiety, thanks.

Really interested on not conforming/being different though, what about where teenagers are starting to think about whether they are LGBT for example? Is there anything on sexuality in the book?

Also, how do we change these messages that are making girls so unhappy? How do we improve friendships in schools?

Yes, there is a section of girls of other sexualities, as well as some good resources. We tried to make the book a good basic introduction to most things a parent would encounter. Its also much better referenced than Raising Boys
The research on testosterone was done in the 1950's throughout the life cycle of males. its high in babies, goes lower, rises briefly at four, drops, and rises again at thirteen. Stays high until early twenties then slowly tails off.

[herewegoloubylou]

Precisely, so little time for people with daughters to get answers to their questions.

[MmeLindor]

Mummabubba
I have a boy and a girl, and yes they do conform to 'gender stereotypes' - at least at first glance. I have been paying close attention to my son though, and he SAYS he doesn't like writing, that he prefers maths, but he is actually very good at writing. He is creative and very descriptive. Sometimes even we parents have to look beyond the stereotype.