Crap Tips

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

'Things to do with...plastic cd cases. Save lots and paint them with letters for a giant scrabble board'

This handy tip was in last weeks Pick me Up magazine. Why!? and What!?

Share some please, real or made up. I need cheering up.

I have a mate who regularly gets his tips published in Viz: here is his classic (approximately): 'Sexual deviants: Don't waste money on expensive dominatrixes, just travel by Virgin Trains on a Friday afternoon. Pain, humiliation, risk of death and abuse from people in uniform for a fraction of the price you'd pay in Mayfair'.

Devil, noooooo! I didn't. The little buggers

Reminds me of my gran who kept the plastic covers on her new sofa and armchairs for 6 months after she bought the bloody thing.

cyteen I am actually crying with laughter now. That's brilliant.

I bet people just send these in for laughs, i mean, surely nobody ever uses the tips?

Can we not just send in some top viz tips? Like - Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to
the object you wish to view.

chickeninabox

My sides hurt!

Does Viz still exist?

You can also use clingfilm to make new contact lenses should you lose yours. Just use a quick blast of heat from a hairdryer to seal them to your eyeballs.

Suck the eyes from attacking zombies using a Black & Decker
"Dustbuster." The zombies will then wander aimlessly and can be
dispatched by the more usual methods at a more leisurely pace.

This must be added to everyones Zombie plan!

boco

I might try that when i next lose mine (or maybe not )

Confuse shopkeepers by buying a sheet of wrapping paper and asking
them to wrap it

Or another (allegedly) real one from years back:
'ONe small bottle of Jif bathroom cleaner will remove 5 years worth of rain streaks and bird poo from a gravestone'.

lol love it.

Avoid banging your head if you drop something under the table by simply wearing a crash helmet at all times.

Make guests believe your home might be bugged by running your hands under tables and inside lampshades, then turning the shower on every time you want to speak.

'Old records are perfect for serving pizza and means no washing up' I think that was in take a break.

Exterior wood stain is a fast, long-lasting and attractive alternative
to sun-bed treatments.

A couple of real vintage ones (honestly!):

If you have friends for dinner and you're giving them tinned mushroom soup, pop a couple of parsley sprigs in and they'll think it's homemade.

Keep a pair of old tights filled with corks tied to the end of your bed to roll on your legs if cramp strikes in the night.

Terrify ants into believing they have been invaded by "War Of The
Worlds" style Martians by standing 3 pin plugs on end around their
holes.

Love the Viz ones!

Genuine crap tip from HV on weaning my baby: "Just feed the baby the same food as the rest of the family", to which my reply was, "well, I'm having a family size bag of Doritos and a jar of hot salsa, DH's having kebab and chips, will the baby like all of that?"

The tights filled with corks sounds like the sort of thing my mother would do