That annoying guest - what is their christmas crime?

[MrsWhites]

So everyone has a guest or someone in the family if you don’t host who will do something seemingly innocent that will piss everyone off? Who is yours and why? I’ll go first -

My sister because she uses all the gravy and doesn’t get off her arse to go and make more! No matter how much gravy we put out she will always use most of it! It’s got to the point now where we put the gravy boars furthest away from her so everyone else gets a go first!

Do they ever invite you back?

I thought 'builders' tea' was bog standard tea bags like PG or Yorkshire? Rather than teas like Earl Grey or Lapsang Souchong?

TBH I can't really tell the difference between a good cup of builders and English Breakfast Tea - I'm obviously not refined enough!

@Dumsy we had builders here for four weeks during the hot spell this year and I converted one from coffee to tea - apparently my tea was that tasty.

Sorry, I quoted the wrong person in my last post! I was referring to the correct way to hang washing, by the time I realised I'd quoted the wrong person, it was too late to edit!
Anyway, some of my Christmas nightmares include -
The friend who kept coming into the kitchen to "help" but stood in the way of absolutely everywhere I needed to be each time she moved! I sternly sent her away after 4 dances from spot to spot!
Same friend also has this way of, how can I describe it? Performative eating? This only happens when there are other people around. Head to one side, constantly looking round her, eating little bits, as if she can't face her food. The "oh, it's all too much trouble, I'm forcing myself to eat, it's such a chore, I'm not really greedy/absolutely starving, look how slow I'm eating" look on her face. Yet when it's just me and her, there is absolutely none of that at all, she may as well use a JCB to shovel it all in! My husband once asked me why she did it and the only reason I could come up with, was that it was for attention. He couldn't believe she only did it in front of other people, even him. She had Christmas pudding and brandy sauce, but said she didn't want a lot, just a small portion. Fair enough, that's what she got. She insisted on clearing away when we'd finished. I was too stuffed to move and she rejected my husbands offer to help. A while later, I went into the kitchen to start to organise the leftovers and there was a whole lot less of them than when I dished up! And pudding crumbs in my brandy sauce! Hmm...

Another old friend I invited for a 3 course Christmas lunch years ago, came at 11am (dinner was planned for 2pm) plonked herself on the sofa and I swear to God, if I could have gone to the loo for her, she'd have let me! From saying she needed the loo, it would be an hour before she actually got up and went! She was a very large lady, (and I say that as a largish lady!) but also very, very and self admittedly, lazy. I was dashing about in the kitchen cooking the meal, then when I got chance, kept coming into the lounge for a 5 minute sit down break here and there. And each time she'd say "I'd come and help, but, you know..." Yes, I bloody do know Sandra, you're a lazy twat! Don't get me wrong, I was coping ok without help and I'm also the sort who hates anyone in MY kitchen when I'm cooking! But it would just have been nice to have had the offer to be able to turn down! She also took my bottle of wine "gift" back home with the statement of "Well I may as well take that home, since it didn't get opened"!!!

Christmas dinner at DHs sisters about 14 years ago. There were 12 of us, 4 of those were one of our nieces children. As soon as our niece walked in, she poured herself a huge glass of wine, turned with her back to the room, talked to another relative and treated her children like they weren't hers. She completely ignored them! The two eldest were absolutely no problem, they were playing on their games and chatting with me. The two youngest, oh my God, it was like they were smacked up on e numbers when they arrived! Each egging each other on. Every two minutes, they were banging into the beautifully set table and knocking glasses, a bottle of wine and the centrepiece over.
Our niece didn't bat an eyelid, I was the one constantly telling them to be careful. The youngest one, 6 at that point, decided to play with the tea light candle, that he'd managed to pull towards him using a toy sword he'd brought with him and set a napkin alight! Our niece finally said something, but by that point, I'd had enough and got up and went into the kitchen to demand my SIL give me something to do in there! I couldn't wait to get out and back home. The meal was a nightmare with the two youngest, so about an hour after lunch and I'd helped wash and clean up, I feigned a headache and we came home. On the way home, even my husband had something to say about his nieces parenting, or lack of! Which was most unlike him, he used to make excuses for anything like that usually!
I said I'd never go to anyone or host again, so for the last 10 years, Christmas dinner is just me, the husband and the cats! And I love being stress free!

One family member won't lift a finger to help, just stands in the kitchen watching me run around.
Cannot say a single thing at the table unless it's through a mouthful of half chewed food.
She will sit at the table after dinner picking her teeth clean and organising the bits of food she's dug out into a line on a serviette.
Won't go home even when everyone else has left.

DFIL when I’m announcing dinner is going on the table sods off to the loo for ages. We used to wait but now I shout a good ten minutes and he waits five or so and still late. I’ve given up and just start eating.

@JudgeJ

Her families intrusions??
After a birth?
You mean when a woman is at her most vulnerable and her parents will care just as much about her as well not just the baby ??
Not barge her out the way as an inconvenient birthing cow who has to exist unfortuntly because axtually she would make a better family with her son and her in charge

Yes I most expressly mean her in laws with the caveat that rarely with problem jealous parents yes it can somerimes be her side.

My mother in law who every year has to comment and complain that there is too much food - not ok her plate as she dishes that up herself but I’ve cooked to much, We like left overs for days after Christmas!

I’ve told her so many times that her only worry is that I’ve made enough (unlike her Christmas dinner where the one year BIL came up they were sending us photos and updates of how sad her dinner was. She did so little veg that they could count how many sprouts and carrots there was each (4) with no left overs for seconds 😂)

We’ve had this issue at MIL’s. 18 roasties between 10 people, and a small Pyrex gravy jug that didn’t make it half way round before needing a refill. She threw the turkey stock away from the roasting pan preferring straight beef bisto made with tepid kettle water.

a dreadful women and there’s the proof in those sentences above. 😆

It wasn't a guest, it was my father. He wasn't annoying or being an arsehole, but he rarely drank, and on a famous Christmas Eve dinner he polished a whole bottle of anis (a Spanish liquor with high alcohol content similar to Ouzo)

He had never sung in his life and that night he thought he was Placido Domingo, except he wasn't. We were literally in hysterics until he pissed on his pants in front of us and kept on singing. This was so beyond my father's character that my stepmom and eldest brothers wanted to call an ambulance because he had lost it and everyone was concerned. The following pandemonium was so loud my DF must have had a moment of lucidity and declared he was off to bed, except it didn't end there. I was 18 and at home but my brothers didn't leave. My father kept vomiting and it kept us up all night by making sure he was breathing and keep drinking water.

He was sick for 2 days, apologised and never touched anis again.

I always done like this. I didn't know that was science behind it. Now I know. I feel very wise sipping my morning cuppa right now. Thanks.

Me too. My eldest DGS puts ketchup on almost everything but knows not to ask for it on Christmas Day. I'm very easy going to the point of being a pushover but ketchup on Christmas dinner is a huge NO!

Jesus Christ. I would murder someone. You’re a good writer too, that was gripping.

Is your BIL a Labrador?

She’s never waited on you?

How about "from your mouth to God's ears"

Why should we not peg things by the waist?

Once. Honestly I don't think it was better. I asked what to bring to a family lunch whilst we were there (as in PIL and other siblings in law also coming). The reply was that they were thinking of serving a buffet lunch and if I decided what to bring and I was to let them know what they should make (so meal planning mental load dumped on me).

BIL and SIL had more massive fights and sobbing. My DH ended up taking SIL to supermarket where he paid for everything. Their tricky older teen was annoyed we were there and did not hide this. SIL was not dissimilar- she also had a massive fall out with MIL. It was all horribly awkward. Luckily they live very near PIL who have a huge house and love seeing the DC so we usually stay there when we visit.

If you knew anything at all about my childhood you would understand what a stupid question that is. Please don't make assumptions.

Touching all the buffet food... Dniece who is 12 does this, so fucking annoying....and old enough to know better.

Dniece; oh Ican Plate of 8 identical sausage rolls? Well, naturally, I must touch and move them all slightly whilst deciding which one to have. Oh look, a pile of identical biscuits, I must rummage slightly to get the one at the very bottom... Oh, there's two types of crackers handsy.me must umm and are and touch and lick them up before deciding, no I don't want one actually.

Mother in law who licks her fingers as she’s eating then pokes food on other people’s (ie almost always mine) plates saying ‘ohhh, that looks nice’ it’s a fucking roast potato Jane, you’ve seen them before, stop touching my food! And of course there was the memorable Christmas dinner where she would not stop talking about DH vomiting when he was a teenager, 20 years ago, despite us both getting really angry with her and telling her to stop. She’s not invited anymore.

This made me laugh 😂

unfortunately he’s nowhere near as endearing as a Labrador, just a greedy shit

This isn't a guest, but my mother in my teens.

We used to buy presents, wrap them and put them under the tree.

My mother couldn't wait for the day so she opened everything that was for her and then put it back under the tree opened.

Fair enough she had some funny ways. But on Xmas day she had a huge strop because she didn't have anything to open! She would have been mid to late 40s.

I have other stories but I thought that might amuse people,

It takes longer to dry. You've got so many layers of fabric, then you double it with no space for air in between. It's much more efficient to peg trousers at the ankle, inside out if they have pockets.

Are you sitting there mushing it up with your fork until it looks like its been chewed up and spat out? And then eating it? I would find it vomit inducing.
If I knew you I would have asked if you'd prefer if food comes to you already pre-mixed, like blended in a blender.

oh, you don't fold the whole top of the trousers over the line and then peg - just the back of the waistband leaving the trousers open to the air.