How the other half lives, what and when you learned

[tomorrowalready]

Reflecting from another thread made me realise it was not until my 20s I found out some people expected to have a private bathroom. I went to university then and shared with another mature student who had been married, divorced and said she found having to share a bathroom with unrelated people unpleasant. I had always taken it for granted as had live in jobs and rented bedsits before. She was a lovely person and also the first person I knew who had a glass of wine every evening and she introduced me to many new things - cooking with garlic, sherry, owning and using a car for shopping for example.

So what did you take for granted that surprised other people you met?

@whatkindofdaughter the whole point of this thread is learning about people having lives that are different to the upbringing they had, so just because some people used garlic in their food or drank wine in the 1970s doesn't mean that everyone did .

I had a boss who put brown sauce on his chips. I knew brown sauce existed, but didn't realise that anyone ate it and definitely not on chips, which are perfect with salt and vinegar

I have a booze fridge - it's just the old one that isn't pretty but still works, so it's in my office - wfh

I lived in a small block of 12 flats when I separated from my ex. We lived on the ground floor. My dd had a friend come over for tea after school one day. We got out of the car, went through the front door of the block, passed by 5 front doors until we got to ours. The friend said "what's in all those other rooms, why do you only use that little bit of your house?" She lived in a huge detached house on the other side of town with an acre of garden. She really didn't grasp that they were other people's homes. I wonder if she remembers...

I can think of lots of things, but to stick to the thread title, I had a colleague who said her and her DH were the poor relations in their family - they bought a 4 storey house in Chelsea without selling the house they already owned. Everyone talked about "how the other half lives". We were quite shocked. This was a group of NHS professionals.

Agree with a PP re "not money but care".

We weren't loaded but were ok for bills etc. However, my mum was very sneery about other people who did any nice little extra things for their kids. I mean things like buying pretty hair bobbles or nice school stationery, or baking them a birthday cake. It felt it was beneath her to do special things for us, she would have considered it pandering and only ditsy women with too much time on their hands pandered to their kids, in her book. I was always in awe of friends' mums who did those nice sorts of things for their kids willingly. It seemed very posh to me, even though I knew it wasn't posh as such in the expensive sense.

Me and my booze fridge live in France
It's full of Champagne, Bourgogne Aligote, Sancerre and Tariquet
Only thing snobby about me is my wine

@Hemelbelle

I had a boss who put brown sauce on his chips. I knew brown sauce existed, but didn't realise that anyone ate it and definitely not on chips, which are perfect with salt and vinegar

I need to speak up in defence of salt n sauce on Chips. Gold star Brown sauce diluted with pickle vinegar. Clings to your chips, very delicious. Mmmm. Memories of being a student in Edinburgh

@RosesAndHellebores

We are very privileged. We very occasionally have fish and chips - never a takeaway apart from that. If I don't want to cook we eat out and let someone else do the dishes. Or if time/tiredness is of the essence we just have smoked salmon, good bread and a quick salad; or calves liver fried in butter with sage, bought mash and a bought green veg tub for the microwave. Both of which are quicker than waiting for a takeaway and usually slightly cheaper.

I cannot comprehend what is privileged about having a take away.

Seriously ? The fact that one family meal is likely to cost the same as that family may have to feed themselves for the whole week ?? A takeout for a family of four is likely to cost around £20 (or more) many people can't afford to pay that for one meal every week . Not can they afford smoked salmon .

I remember someone once saying (we were talking about food) “well we always have Parmesan, we grate it ourselves”
I was just totally gobsmacked that this even warranted a comment. Apparently pre-grated Parmesan was a thing.

Food as a basic need is also a big divide.

@Dindundundundeeer

I remember someone once saying (we were talking about food) “well we always have Parmesan, we grate it ourselves” I was just totally gobsmacked that this even warranted a comment. Apparently pre-grated Parmesan was a thing.

Food as a basic need is also a big divide.

pre grated parmesan was a thing before chunks became common. It came in small shakers and was very fine, it also smelt like feet because it was not stored properly. IMO its why a lot of folk don't like parmesan. Fresh parmesan is a totally different animal, especially shaved not grated

I remember having my socks blown off by the house of family friends - a mid-century beauty designed by the architect owner which had a central courtyard and glass doors and huge windows opening onto it.

Another astonishing house (to me anyway) again architect-designed and owned (by a cousin of my dad's) near the coast, was circular in shape, with steps up the outside to the flat roof, and a pottery studio.

Both houses featured furniture designed by the architects who lived in them, or unique pieces they bought, and there was original art on the walls.

I lived in a 3 bedroom semi with many nice features, but not in the same league as the other houses.

pre grated parmesan was a thing before chunks became common. It came in small shakers and was very fine, it also smelt like feet because it was not stored properly. IMO its why a lot of folk don't like parmesan. Fresh parmesan is a totally different animal, especially shaved not grated

Yes we used to have it in a shaker when I was a kid, it was vile . Nothing like actual Parmesan.

Going to friend's houses at secondary school and they had showers. We just had a bath and one of the hoses you plugged in to the taps to wash our hair. They had pantene, we used hand soap sometimes and other times washing up liquid.

Kids at school that had numerous school uniform items. We had 2 shirts and 1 skirt each. We'd sink wash just the collar and arm pits every second day. The skirt had to last 3 years and then we got a new one for the last 3 years. They were never washed.

People with kitchen roll and who drank cold drinks from glasses. We drank everything from cups.

Families who put the dinner food in the middle of the table and you could take your own portions! This blew my mind.

Nice furnishings, chosen for their aesthetics. Ours were simply functional and all second hand.

When I was in college, so around 2005, one of my friends said 'my Dad only earns 90 grand a year, that's not very much is it?'
At the time my Mum earned 16k, which meant I was entitled to a £10 a week payment through a government support scheme designed to encourage teens from low income households to stay in education. She couldn't understand why she wasn't entitled to it too....her £50 per week pocket money wasn't enough.

I'm about the same age as you and remember the EMA being discussed at college in my class. I never said it out load but our family income was actually just £13k and I had the full amount per week. A few people didn't seem to realise that the EMA paid for my college books/supplies needed my course and the bus to get to college (as the payment didn't include a bus pass like it did in later years). They kept saying those things were just basics and should be paid for my parents. The thing was is one of my parents was severely disabled and the other one was their full time carer so there was no chance of them working harder to increase their income.

@Marmitemarinaded

You've misunderstood @ravenmum's post. She didn't say she was bought up in grinding poverty, she was quoting another post .

I remember being shocked going to a friend's for tea that her mum gave us boughten cake.

My mother was a wonderful baker and we never had such things at home

I’ve already commented earlier on this thread but reading this discussion has given me a huge appreciation for the way my dps and gps really valued education. For one of my gps it was his route out of poverty and he held education in such high regard that he turned down promotions because he would have had to move his family to a town that didn’t have a secondary school for girls. Everyone told him he was mad to care about educating his daughters who would only get married and have to give up work but his answer was that “if you educate a man he will get a job, but if you educate a woman she will educate her family” and he saw it as the way to break the cycle of poverty. I don’t know much about his dm but she obviously was a powerful influence.

My gm on the other side was such an advocate for education that when my df was badly injured and couldn’t walk the twelve miles to school she borrowed a bicycle and cycled him there and back every day. In other families he would have quietly and understandably dropped out of education and worked on the family farm but she was determined he would have better chances. He couldn’t go to secondary school, but once he started working, he moved to the city and started taking night classes whenever he could. He’s phenomenally intelligent and well read despite only having a primary education.

We weren’t financially well off but the family attitude towards education was a treasure I hadn’t fully appreciated until now. Df didn’t necessarily see a value in educating his own dds but he was openly jealous of the free secondary school education that we took for granted. Dm, true to my gp’s prediction ensured we were given every opportunity available. There were a lot of things we went without because our education was a very high priority.

I come from a MC background and at uni I worked at the weekends and made friends with a few locals. I went back to one of their friends house after a night out, all same age as me back then 20, and her DD 2 had been left all evening alone in a cot with her Bf in the next room.

My friend picked the little girl up who had her arms out stretched with a desperate look on her little face and gave her a cuddle and a few kind words and we both knew that was the only time she'd be getting real affection as the the young DM just completely ignored her DD. I've never forgotten how sad that felt. The flat was empty apart from the absolute basics and there were no toys at all.

It was clean though and I do remember thinking maybe they'd just moved in perhaps

imaginethemdragons we've got an en suite and they're not all that 😁

My music teacher was taking me to an exam as my parents were both working that day. She was extremely upper middle class but didn't drive due to being elderly so we caught the train in to the city.
My mum had packed me a sandwich and a capri sun in my bag. The teacher raised an eyebrow when I pulled out the capri sun but when I attempted to unwrap the sandwich from its cling film she state whispered "No Zed, people such as ourselves do not eat in public!
I was flummoxed. My mum and dad never objected to snacking in public.
Thats when I realised that I was nothing but a commoner

@RampantIvy

Posted too early. A good comprehensive school in an area where there are no state grammar schools to cream off the brightest children.

And where the better off parents keep faith with the state system and don't cream off their kids to private schools. It's all a bit chicken and egg though.

I think my first experience of how the other half lives was when I was about 10 and I had a friend at (state) primary whose step-dad was pretty well off and they lived in a converted barn with five bedrooms and five bathrooms. At the time we lived in a two bed bungalow with one bathroom.

But I didn't realise quite how wealthy some people were until I was an adult in my first "proper" job and a lot of the people there had come from very privileged backgrounds - taken a year out to learn cookery in Paris etc.

On the other side of the coin I remember being at a local coffee morning when ds was small and we were talking about children's activities. I mentioned there was something in the next town and people said "oh but it would be too expensive to get there because of petrol". It's about 4 miles. That was a bit of a surprise.

Also reading some articles in the Evening Standard some years ago about poverty in London and people not being able to afford the UCAS fee to apply to university.

@stripedbananas

I come from a MC background and at uni I worked at the weekends and made friends with a few locals. I went back to one of their friends house after a night out, all same age as me back then 20, and her DD 2 had been left all evening alone in a cot with her Bf in the next room. My friend picked the little girl up who had her arms out stretched with a desperate look on her little face and gave her a cuddle and a few kind words and we both knew that was the only time she'd be getting real affection as the the young DM just completely ignored her DD. I've never forgotten how sad that felt. The flat was empty apart from the absolute basics and there were no toys at all.

I recently gave a local charity some toddler bedding inc duvet and pillow and it transpired that they'd been sleeping on a bare mattress . I tried to give them the cot bed and mattress but the message back was that it would sadly be too big as the whole family were sleeping in one room.

@Ifitquacks

pre grated parmesan was a thing before chunks became common. It came in small shakers and was very fine, it also smelt like feet because it was not stored properly. IMO its why a lot of folk don't like parmesan. Fresh parmesan is a totally different animal, especially shaved not grated

Yes we used to have it in a shaker when I was a kid, it was vile . Nothing like actual Parmesan.

yup. I had no idea what the fuss was about until I went to a cheapo trat in chelsea (ooo get me!) and BF who became DH said try this!