Best parenting tip you ever got?

[giantwaterbottle]

Obviously I'm not being unreasonable to ask 🤷‍♀️

Mine was from some friends who had older kids.
Always double the sheets/plastic sheet in baby/toddler bed.

It's saved us in the middle of the night on countless occasions.

My own advice to myself.

Don't hit your children, even if you're really angry and frustrated.

I remember wishing death on my mother after she had hit me over the head so hard that my ears were ringing. I never, ever wanted my own children to hate me as much as I hated her at those moments.

@soughsigh

Another 'ignore the people who say to get your baby to sleep through noise' - they just had heavy sleepers. My 2.5yo wakes up if the floor board squeaks, but I'm a light sleeper too. I don't think any amount of playing the radio and doing the hoovering could have changed how he is.

Every baby is different, what one parent swears by won't work for others. My son bossed potty training with no chocolate buttons, for example, but it will work for some children.

I agree. My DH wanted our DD to be a good sleeper and made sure that the radio was always on, or hoovered around her or whatever (he WFH unfortunately). Till I pointed out that she stopped napping altogether at 6 weeks old and was dreadfully tired so it wasn't working. Plus my DH sleeps so light he needs earplugs or a bird singing three streets away will wake him up (I wish I was joking). Now we're quiet when baby naps, she naps great! She's just like her dad, no idea why he expected something different.

Children are like their parents, you can't train them out of something that you do yourself.

“Don’t have kids”

@Penners99

“Don’t have kids”

This is such a brilliant thread. Thanks for passing on such great advice.

A child psychologist told me that she never shouted at her children, and if she feels like shouting that she sings at the top of her lungs instead. Even if people think she is nuts, at least it’s more like the sound of music than a horrible shouting angry voice. This has worked really well for me anyway, I was so glad she told me this when my eldest was only a baby as it saved me years of shouting.

My own advice that I would pass on is to ‘trust your instincts’ don’t be afraid to say ‘no that does not feel right’ if it doesn’t feel right, then it is not right and that’s enough. You don’t need to explain it to anyone.

All the best to everyone here.

"This too shall pass"

Sleep train when they’re really tiny, it’s easier than when they’re older.

I left DD to cry for a few minutes when she was about a week old, went back and she was fast asleep. She was obviously just tired and needed to go to sleep. She self-soothed after that. I might just have been lucky though.

@Heneage

"This too shall pass"

I also came on here to say that! Nothing ever lasts forever (even though it might feel like it!)

@Cartooner
‘Always hug a little longer, they'll almost never pull away. And remember to hug bigger kids, teens, it's easy to lose physical contact as they get older.’ Great advice.

@Cheermonger

Teenagers need you more not less

This. Teens need your attention much more.

When they are little it’s more about physically raising them. But your teens need you to take time to hear them, listen to them, watch out for them as they find their own way, counsel them, occasionally comfort them, and model how to be to them.

They are physically independent but need you more.

Don't do anything for your child that they can do themselves.

I learnt this a few weeks ago and it's a revelation. DS (11) is making his own packed lunches!

Get a decent sellotape dispenser. It comes into its own a couple of times a year…

Ds was such a fussy eater when he was about 2 -3 . Tbh everyone irl was giving me rubbish advice 😤 I read on here just go with it and introduce foods along with the ones he will eat. I did this and gave him vitamins alongside and by the time he was at school he ate almost everything. I stopped worrying and making meal times stressful.
I also learned something for myself that I like to pass on : early waking children - just go with it! Go to bed earlier and find something to do on those early mornings ( I did laundry ). I promise you, no amount of wizardry with naps or expensive curtains will solve your problem! Buy yourself a treat instead
Ds is 7 now and this morning he was up at 6 am but quietly came downstairs and played with the ipad for an hour.

Definitely pick your battles, do not paint yourself into a corner on a trivial issue.

It can be so easy to find yourself stuck in a battle of wills with a toddler.

'Put your coat on or we're not going out' for example. If you need to go out and you set yourself up for a stubborn war with that one it can be an absolute nightmare 😂

@Thewinterofdiscontent

“Babies are like weather. Just because it’s wet today doesn’t mean it will be tomorrow.” So true. You can sort of predict a pattern but watch for the signs and be ready for the rain or enjoy the sun. In fact the whole of “how not to be a perfect mother.” by Libby Purvis

Libby Purves' book got me through many a dark hour.

From my mum: never stop Hugging your son- when he gets to 8/9 he will push you away. Don’t let him - get those hugs in however much they resist. It was really sage advice from bitter experience and helped me hugely (2 sons then a daughter) . Even now they are 25 and 23 the boys still come to me for hugs 🥰

"It doesn't matter if the book says she should be walking by now......she hasn't read the book and doesn't know that, trust your instincts". said to me by my mum when at 13 months old DD was still not walking. 2 months later DD was toddling around like a thing possessed.

@Lalliella

Sleep train when they’re really tiny, it’s easier than when they’re older.

I left DD to cry for a few minutes when she was about a week old, went back and she was fast asleep. She was obviously just tired and needed to go to sleep. She self-soothed after that. I might just have been lucky though.

Oh God this is awful. At a week old ??? A one week old doesn't "self soothe"...

A friend introduced me to the concept of a “yes space” - you make a room or space so that everything the child can reach, they’re fine to interact with. Once my daughter could crawl we adapted our front room like this - cabinets with doors she can’t open, baby gate at the door and furniture positioned in front of sockets etc. It means she can play in there without me hovering and telling her no, don’t touch that or distracting and redirecting all the time. I find it invaluable to be able to be a bit less Professor Moody (Constant vigilance!).

you make a room or space so that everything the child can reach, they’re fine to interact with.

Your whole house should be like that frankly. Unless you lock children in their bedroom, as soon as they are old enough to fall off jump off their cot, they can be wandering around, you need to pup to the loo at some point etc.

@Lalliella

Sleep train when they’re really tiny, it’s easier than when they’re older.

I left DD to cry for a few minutes when she was about a week old, went back and she was fast asleep. She was obviously just tired and needed to go to sleep. She self-soothed after that. I might just have been lucky though.

ahem yes... that's not sleep training in the slightest! You were just beyond lucky.

@kindaclassy

you make a room or space so that everything the child can reach, they’re fine to interact with.

Your whole house should be like that frankly. Unless you lock children in their bedroom, as soon as they are old enough to fall off jump off their cot, they can be wandering around, you need to pup to the loo at some point etc.

I agree with this. When ds1 was 18months the health visitor said imagine living in your own home and every time you went to touch something someone said 'No' and removed it from your hand. It would be so frustrating. I also think having exciting looking things high up just out of their reach can be like torture for them. I put things away which they couldn't have.

Another one I'd say is that don't minimise or dismiss their feelings when they have hurt themselves. I grew up with adults saying 'oh you're alright, that didn't hurt, big girls don't cry, don't be silly it's just a scrape' etc and it just felt that regardless of what I was saying my feelings were totally ignored. I know it's a technique to stop a child being upset, but it taught me my pain wasn't real or valid enough to mention.

When my children hurt themselves I sympathise and say 'oh yes, that must be sore' etc. I've found often once they are heard they stop crying. They just needed some validation. H started doing it to the kids and I saw their confused face 'why is daddy saying it doesn't really hurt when I am telling him clearly it does?' He thought he was doing it to help them get over it quickly, but we discussed it and he hadn't even thought about how he would feel if he told me he was in pain and I told him he was being silly.

I did the ‘yes’ space thing (without realising ). We were all open plan so I made sure that toddler height cupboards couldn’t trap fingers and had only stuff in them I didn’t mind her exploring. I’ve got some lovely videos of dd toddling off to the kitchen to fetch a couple of sauce pans and plastic jugs to go about her business

It’s another one that’s quite child dependent, dd was satisfied with the access she had, a couple of nephews would have taken it as an invitation to scale themselves up onto the work surfaces and explore further!

I practiced what I call 'reactive baby proofing' ... I changed the room depending on what I noticed they were attracted to. So adult books and dads moved off lower shelves to be replaced by toys. The bottom cupboards had unbreakable stuff in. I moved the coffee table from under a window when I discovered a toddler climbing on it, opening the window and climbing out... (the coffee table i had put there a few months before to stop her playing with the hot radiator...)

My US paediatrician advised one bottle a day from birth as well as breast feeding or provide flexibility, not to sterilise bottles but put them through the dishwasher, serve bottles at room temperature to avoid heating bottles. All invaluable advice.