To want to settle a generation gap argument: older (female) relative is saying women had to give up work when they got married?

[Winnabella]

Got an older female relative (aunt) who gave up work when she married my uncle (now passed away). They got married in 1964. My parents got married in 1970 and my mum carried on working. My grandmother carried on working until she was in her late 70s. But my aunt goes on about how it 'wasn't acceptable' to carry on working after getting married. She's not done too badly being a SAHM but does go on a bit about the sacrifices she made. She had a cleaner and a housekeeper to do the housework and she and my uncle had 2 children. My cousins often joke about how they had to wear their pyjamas for two weeks. My aunt came round on Sunday and she went on and on about the job she did just before she got married. It is a bit like she's been stuck in time - this was nearly 50 years ago now. Was it the case that women were frowned upon in the 1960s for working if they got married; and how come my mother and grandmother seemed to hold down jobs (my mum part time after I was born and before I started school)

My parents married in 1971 in Ireland. My Mum had worked in her office job for 18 years and had to leave on marriage. She had to cash in her social insurance contributions at a discount so lost any contributary pension. Not sure if this was government or company policy though. She really loved her job but had no choice.

Yes many professions were only open to unmarried women. Those where married women could work didn’t really have a great degree of flexibility and child care was very limited.

Mind you, it was surprisingly recent that the need for husband’s to consent to their wife’s hysterectomy was stopped.

My friend once told me that M&S didn’t employ married women. That female staff ‘had to leave’ when they got married. I always wondered whether it was true or not but could find a definitive answer.

Not true. I began working for them in 1973 and got married in 1979 to someone who also worked for M&S. There were plenty of married women when I was there. What was different was that most women left when they began having children. I was the second married woman to return to full-time work at M& S Head Office when DD1 was born.

My mother had to give up work in the civil service when she married my dad. This was in 1950

Yes! Amazing, insightful, compassionate post from @RealisticSketch.

My Grandma worked from being 14 (so about 1941) until she retired in the 1980s. She married Grandad in 1948 and carried on working.

In the past female civil servants had to leave upon marriage (there was a special payment made to them) - this was why it was rare to have any senior civil servants who were female. Even after it ended in the "home" civil service (60s?) it carried on for a couple more years in the diplomatic service!

that was absolutely a thing back in the day.

The marriage bar in the UK was active until 1948 officially but of course it was socially applied for much longer....especially in middle class households.

here's an extract from the "NHS at 70" website

Catalina Bateman, born in Chile in 1923, trained as a general nurse at Altrincham General Hospital from 1941 to 1944. She was 'called up' for war service and posted to Wythenshawe Hospital where she nursed soldiers with horrific injuries. There Catalina administered penicillin for the first time. She did her midwifery training at a Salvation Army mother and baby home for unmarried mothers in London. After marrying in 1948, Catalina had to resign from nursing. She moved to work at Manchester Corporation as a health visitor but left when she had children. Shortages of nurses later prompted the recruitment of married trained nurses and this enabled Catalina to return to her career. She remained part-time for the rest of her career so she could continue to care for both her children and ageing relatives.

My mother worked for the local English council. Marriage meant automatic dismissal - late 50s. She found alternative work until the first baby arrived.

There's an other thread in active, about weird questions asked by recruiters. You only need to read the responses to see that many of the attitudes that prevailed, in what we think of as the bad old days, still exist today. Whilst there are laws against discriminatory questioning during an interview, women are still asked about marriage/children/childcare. You can bet your life that men do not get asked about their childcare arrangements or whether they intend to start a family. Many women are still "unofficially" hustled out of their jobs during maternity leave.

It depended on the job. In some jobs it would have been normal for there to be a mixture of married and unmarried women.

My grandmother had to keep the fact of her marriage secret from her employers and hide her wedding ring in order to keep her job when she married as she would have been instantly dismissed - just secretarial and admin work in an office but they only employed unmarried women for the work and were rigid about their rules. It definitely happened.

My mum worked in Woollies after marriage in 1954, and only gave up work when pregnant with my sister. She didn’t go back to work until 1972 when I was 7. She had worked in many jobs before getting married. So not forced to leave Woollies, but she had moved away from home to live with her husband.

My cousin had her first child at 18 years old pre 1975. She got married just before the baby was born. Whether it was the marriage bar or the lack of maternity leave, she had to leave her job in a bank when she got married/left to have the baby.

But my mum carried on working when she married in the 1950s, in fact she and my dad met their best friends (also married to each other) at work. But they all worked in a factory.

My Mum was asked to leave her job in the library when she got married. It was most definitely a thing that was done in lots of jobs.

She managed to find another one but it was very difficult if you were married.

In 2000 I was asked if I was leaving my job as dh had been made a Director and apparently not the done thing for a Directors wife to work.

A relative of mine nursed in the 60s and they were expected to leave when they got married. Her colleague who didn't was put on permanent night shifts until she did.

While it was true that some businesses did not employ married women, the expectations of husbands and families carried weight too - sometimes more weight.

I remember MIL who married in 1966 saying years ago that women gave up work in her day and also that it wasn't the done thing for women to drive. As my own DM who was 14 years older had always worked and driven I found this amusing. Her elder sister had got into grammar school though and was one of the few women of her generation and class to make it to University. (1930's).

So I suppose while most women did give up work, attitude & opportunities made a big difference.

1950's again.

My mum worked for Barclays Bank. When she got married she was 'allowed' to carry on working although it was usually expected that women stopped working when they got married. She had to resign when she stopped work to have me. This was London in 1961. She carried on working in various pt/casual jobs because she needed the money but 'good jobs' like counter assistant in a bank were no longer an option for her.

It was true in teaching, which is why teachers are generally referred to as Sir and Miss, rather than Sir and Madam.

Same here. DM was petrified that DF would be seen as not providing for his family (he didn't) so she rented out the bedrooms at home (including ours, Dbro had to kip on the sofa) rather than work cos lodgers weren't so visible.

She didn't want to work much either, admittedly. But aged 55 she got a PT job and loved it, retiring at over 80 from 'helping out the old people'.

My mum was in civil service and yes I think she had to leave once married- late 1960s .

My parents got married in the 1970s. Apparently they raised a few eyebrows by my mum continuing to work and not having DB until they had been married a few years. Mum was well and truly sent packing once up the duff though and hasn't worked for over 40 years.

My mum once got sacked from a job for wearing trousers.

Before hormonal contraception gave women more control over reproduction, getting married generally meant getting pregnant pretty quickly, and with limited childcare options, women often gave up work voluntarily.
My mother, however, was required to give up nursing when she married, and her sister refused a number of proposals in order to continue in her profession. (She led a very full and interesting life, nursed in many different countries, and finally settled in New York, which she loved.)