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Original poster

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

665 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 10:21

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party Confused

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious Grin

OP posts:
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31
Original poster
SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 15:59

@CaffeineAndCrochet yes they did! And the horrible girl got pushed into a septic tank Shock

OP posts:
spiderlight · 27/02/2021 15:59

Most of this passed me by - I went straight from Horse and Pony magazine to Metal Hammer and Kerrang!

mam0918 · 27/02/2021 16:02

I never read the teen ones but I did read my mams ones like 'More' (I think it was called that).

Considering I was a virgin I knew way too many wierd and wonderful sex tips (some of which as an adult I'm now sure are pretty impossible unless you're an extreme contortionist lol).

Holothane · 27/02/2021 16:02

80s teen My Guy and I loved Blue Jeans once I was 17 I was buying the first issue of Just Seventeen loved it, told me stuff I never got from the woman who brought me up.

Emmelina · 27/02/2021 16:06

“Be a smartie! Use an empty smarties tube to hide your tampons in! Just don’t forget and offer a sweet to your crush - cringe!”

bellver888 · 27/02/2021 16:07

@GreenandPinkFlowers

Some lovely phone wallpapers to choose from Grin god, this takes me back.
fuck me that is nostalgia!
KitBumbleB · 27/02/2021 16:15

I got £50 for sending in an embarrassing story.

I had gone into town shopping with a friend, ah the days of Tammy, and Woolworths and Semi-Chem!
We both needed the toilet, I went in the stall and did a big poo but it wouldn't flush, I was mortified but figured my friend would be in another stall so I came out, but she went in right at the back of me. Poor 13 year old me nearly cried!

Years later I bumped into her on a night out and mentioned it, she laughed her head off and admitted the reason she pushed past me to get into the stall was she needed a poo! 😅

Seeyawouldntwannabeya · 27/02/2021 16:16

Oh god this is bringing back memoriesGrin
I remember carrying out the logical advice of buying yourself a valentines card and signing it from the boy who never notices you and you have a crush on.... the plan
was that you would find the card in your school bag and word would get back to the boy in question and he would approach you, you would both have a giggle about it and he would fall helplessly in love with you Hmm
It didn't work 😶

Hopeful201 · 27/02/2021 16:17

I was in a photo love story in Jackie, how embarassing. The ribbing I got at school for it. I played 2 different people in the story, basically had to wear a hat to look different. Luckily the internet didn't exist in those days.

user1488481370 · 27/02/2021 16:19

I love this thread! I remember in the ‘agony aunt’ section of a teen girls mag, someone had supposedly written in to say that they’d stuck a pen ip their vagina to see what it would feel like and the lid had come off inside them and alas, they couldn’t fish it out 😬

demelza82 · 27/02/2021 16:19

There is a great Instagram account called 90steenmagazinearchiveuk that I really recommend for those that are nostalgic

delightfuldaisy19 · 27/02/2021 16:21

Late 80s, I remember being advised by one of these magazines to not blow in a blow job.

sqirrelfriends · 27/02/2021 16:21

That if you suck a lollipop it will subconsciously make the guy you fancy think about you sucking something else. I think this was in mizz.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 27/02/2021 16:29

@Hopeful201

I was in a photo love story in Jackie, how embarassing. The ribbing I got at school for it. I played 2 different people in the story, basically had to wear a hat to look different. Luckily the internet didn't exist in those days.
How did you get into it?
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 27/02/2021 16:30

I've still got the not-so-lurid-anymore turquoise detangling comb that was free with MIZZ when I was 14. I seem to remember that all the mags were obsessed with holiday romances every summer...

Laggartha · 27/02/2021 16:34

I was only thinking about this the other day. I was a teen in the 90s and loved Bliss and Sugar, wasn't allowed More or Just 17, and would read others like Smash Hits at school.

I remember one article for a 14/15 year old or somesuch which showed how could you could dress to meet your boyfriend's parents and then transform it for an evening with your girlfriends by putting on a leather jacket. I think it involved a pencil skirt and one of those top combos of vest and cardigan in the same colour. The whole scenario was way beyond any life I was living.

A girl at school won a makeover and photoshoot. She was a real bitch and bullied lots of us.

I'd love to look at a copy again.

solicitoring · 27/02/2021 16:35

Does anyone remember Alice K. I think she was more magazine. I loved her.

TheFirstMrsDV · 27/02/2021 16:35

Does anyone else remember the magazine that would have a panel of boys rating the way various models were dressed? Then there was the magazine that would take pictures of women on the street and critique their dress sense (I am guessing without permission because they looked like Pap shots)
This would have been 80s rather than 90s

misskatamari · 27/02/2021 16:41

Omg I've just remembered that (I think it was..) Shout had a problem page, and whoever got the "period problem" published got sent a goodie bag of pamper things. I was absolutely over the moon to receive said awesome package, after I'd written in with some no doubt made up period problem when I was about 12. I can't remember what was in it, apart from some panty liners, a tampon carry case and that apricot face scrub stuff that took off the top layer of your skin, but I was ecstatic to receive it. I remember calling my best friend up on our old land line, in the hall, to tell her about it 😂

Gosh I loved all those magazines. What an absolute load of bollocks they were. Does the equivalent exist now? I sincerely hope time has moved on!

Laggartha · 27/02/2021 16:43

I'm only on page 3 of this thread and loving it!

Peppermint foot lotion and marmalade body scrub from the Body Shop. Hair mouse, diffuser attachments and scrunching.
Scrunchies.
Nude lips, clear lip gloss and clear mascara (I remember my mum rolling her eyes at that). I wanted to shop at Boots 17 but could only afford Collection 2000.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 27/02/2021 16:47

A girl at school won a makeover and photoshoot. She was a real bitch and bullied lots of us.

She probably looked utterly ridiculous...

misskatamari · 27/02/2021 16:47

Omg I've also just remembered when I tried one of their tips to condition my hair with mayonnaise. Fucking MAYONNAISE!!! my hair was super thick and long at the time. It was NOT pretty! 🤣

Laggartha · 27/02/2021 16:47

Ooh, has anyone mentioned the book that came free with one of the magazines and each chapter was written in a different style and font depending on which character's point of view. One was blind, so his font was in a computer font. Probably the computer font actually.

I've got it! Zoe Finds Out.

That was one of my best summers ever, I must have been about 15, just before year 11. Great group of friends. I felt so full of energy and hope and happiness.

Sad
Macaronirabbit · 27/02/2021 16:52

Talking of fashion/make overs I recently saw a throw back to Trinny and Susannahs book from the noughties and some of the suggestions they made for wedding/work outfits were quite shocking (and they were aiming at adults!)
I remember they used to make some really mean comments on the tv show - they told one woman her upper arms had enough meat to feed a family of 5 for a week!!ShockConfused

Bbq1 · 27/02/2021 16:53

Anyone remember a teen magazine called Catch? I think it only ran for a few years. I actually got invited by the magazine to a sort of focus group with other teen girls.