What's a stupid thing you've done that you still think WTF did I do that for?

[whatsnewpussycat777]

Me

I wanted to kill the weeds between the slabs up to the front door.

No fucker one told me that they were going to crumble and dissolve if I used neat bleach.

What an idiot. 😢

Have you anything stupid to make me laugh on this cold evening 😃?!

Ps. Don't use bleach on certain slabs. certainly not neat

Jumped off a moving old route master bus. It was moving slowly but, dear reader, it turns out that even when it's moving really slowly it's moving a hell of a lot quicker than you think.

Rather than waiting for it to stop at the bus stop, I thought I would surely impress the rather handsome chap who had been sitting across from me, by leaping gazelle like off the bus in a sophisticated fashion, like the woman in the old Charlie perfume advert. Sadly, it didn't go quite according to plan and as I hit the pavement I had to keep running sideways to stop myself from falling and careered straight into the queue of people at the bus stop duly knocking over a young chap who was standing there minding his own business. My efforts to try to look as if I'd done it on purpose were in vain and the poor fella who I'd knocked over shouting 'what the fuck are you doing?' didn't really help. I had to change my route to work after that and never got on that bus again.

Not me, but my husband decided to show off and put the flaming sambuca out with his hand, claiming he'd done it so many times before. Little did he know that this particular one had been lit for quite some time, it completely suctioned to his palm, he literally had to shake it off smashing the glass in the middle of the restaurant. He was in agony, spent the next couple of days off work with a fever in bed, still has a faint ring mark on his palm over 15 years later. When pushed by his then boss about what had happened, he replied 'ah, that's nothing, I did that with my arse once and proceeded to drop his pants and show him the matching ring mark on his cheek!'

@bendmeoverbackwards

The glucose tolerance test. I had two in a week (a day apart) because I lost the will to argue with them any more over it. I came out of the hospital and collapsed into the road on a blind bend. Apparently the skid the car did to avoid me was very dramatic. I declined all further appointments and carried on with the free birth I had planned.

I have agoraphobia and was trying graded exposure on my own. I had walked to the town centre, with the plan of going into one shop. As I was turning the corner, I was head on with a really good looking man. It turned into the dance thing you do.
Only instead of stepping side to side, I done this kind of criss cross with my legs, so instead of stepping to the side, I was pretty much stood on the spot repeatedly crossing one leg infront of the other. Only moving inches at a time.
He just stared at me, sniggered and then walked around me.

I then had to face the embarrassment of trying to hold my laugh in walking along on my own, resulting in the odd snort from where I couldnt contain it.

I never made it to a shop, because I couldn't cope with the idea of being thought of as some crazy person walking along, alone, in hysterics at what seemed to be nothing.
I have never tried it since.

I still think of it to this day and wonder what the fuck possessed me to do that kind of leg movement. I'm so socially awkward.
I often wonder if he thought I was trying to do some kind of sexy walk towards him, because it was like an exaggerated (extremely exaggerated) model catwalk walk. 🤭

Married a musician WTF!

Gary poppino 😂😂😂

When my husband proposed I said yes. Just to see the look on his mother’s face !

I once need to leave work a little early for a doctor's appoinment. Instead of emailing my boss, Mr Stafford, I emailed Staff. Everyone in the entire company got my email

@MacDuffsMuff

Jumped off a moving old route master bus. It was moving slowly but, dear reader, it turns out that even when it's moving really slowly it's moving a hell of a lot quicker than you think.

Rather than waiting for it to stop at the bus stop, I thought I would surely impress the rather handsome chap who had been sitting across from me, by leaping gazelle like off the bus in a sophisticated fashion, like the woman in the old Charlie perfume advert. Sadly, it didn't go quite according to plan and as I hit the pavement I had to keep running sideways to stop myself from falling and careered straight into the queue of people at the bus stop duly knocking over a young chap who was standing there minding his own business. My efforts to try to look as if I'd done it on purpose were in vain and the poor fella who I'd knocked over shouting 'what the fuck are you doing?' didn't really help. I had to change my route to work after that and never got on that bus again.

🤣🤣🤣 I can picture that perfectly

Decorating our bedroom decided to move 3 door wardrobe full of clothes not long after having my son cue prolapse and years of pain and 2 surgeries to repair 😞

In my first job, i once tried to pick something up off the floor while sitting on an office chair on wheels with my legs crossed. It almost tipped all the way over, i half fell off, and the momentum caused me to go flying across the tile floor and i was trying to use my hands to stop (as my legs were stuck in the cross legged position still with my bum on my seat) but i actually just went faster and at the same time my arse got free, i fell out of the chair and crashed into a filling cabinet. Broke a wrist and a couple of ribs 😆 at the point i was leaning over and felt the wheels move, i thought "this might be a bad idea". My boss had to take me to hospital.

ginghamtablecloths

You've reminded me of my topple down the stairs. I was at the top and carrying a bin full of rubbish down a sweet packet wrapper fell out and i twisted round to pick it up and then realised that my foot was not on the stair any more. I did two backward rolls down the stairs from top to the bottom and banged into the door of the cupboard at the bottom and then bounced off and landed halfway up the hallway I think I knocked myself out as I remember opening my eyes and seeing all the rubbish from the bin everywhere. Any way I tried moving my feet and could feel every thing ok so I gingerly got up and tottered into the lounge for a sit down. Apart from being a bit shaken I was unhurt apart from a small scrape on my wrist and a small nick on my ankle, I did bang the back of my head on the cupboard door which was quite painful but I didn't think to get it checked. It was about a week later the Liam Neeson's wife died in that skiing accident from a bump on the head. I remember thinking that I had a lucky escape.

Went to a very posh dinner at the Hilton in Park Lane with clients and my bosses. Got so drunk that I chopped my boss's wine glass in half with mini cricket bats we'd been given, leaving her holding the glass while the stem smashed on the floor.

On a different occasion, persuaded the senior partner at my firm to hold a sambucca in his mouth while I tried (unsuccessfully) to light it.

Decided after a night at the bar, that it would be appropriate to cut out my stitches from a wound on my arm myself.

It's no wonder I hardly ever drink nowadays...

Ran up and incredibly muddy hill in my brand new birthday outfit knowing I was going for a family meal and my mum would kill me & knowing I was going to fall.
I fell.
right down the hill was absolutely covered in mud & broke my wrist so we sat in children's A+E even though I was 16 mum was NOT happy (but sympathetic in her own way haha)

Not me but sis, we were both helping mums friend with gardening I'm used to power tools and did very well although after a while needed a rest, enter stage left my ditzy sis who faints watching holby city swinging the hedge cutters like a samurai sword and me saying that's going to stick right in your leg as she stuck it in her knee, she passed out came round with the paramedics the cut wasn't so bad she was able to stay home and clean it up, I laughed for about 8 months.

Remembered a recent one. Two cars decided to overtake a parked car on their side of the road, so I had to come to an abrupt stop as I was driving in the opposite direction. In my annoyance I gave them both a good toot of the horn.

Unfortunately the second car was a police car (lights/siren not on), he did a u turn then came chasing after me with his sirens on. I now have full knowledge of when, and when not, to use the horn under the Highway Code. Apparently I'd saved the driver in the first van who was going to be pulled over for using their mobile.

Tried to prise a jammed toasted teacake out of the toaster with a knife. The toaster blew up when the knife touched the element.

While trying to separate 2 frozen pork chops apart with a very sharp knife, and thinking "I bet I cut myself doing this" I cut myself doing it. The wound was deep and as I ran it under the tap and the blood briefly cleared, DS and I peered at something white in my finger. "It's your bone" said DS in a spooky voice, at which point I put my head between my knees.

Painted the outside of my house and realised that there was a fine spray of cream paint all over the french doors and windows. Used the rough side of a sponge to scrub it off. Not only did it not get the paint off, but it also left ugly scratches all over the double glazing

This story will out me to any of my friends that may be here

I'd been shaving my pubes all off for years, but it has grown back full bush, so I thought I'd use a hair removal cream one day instead.

Because it was so hairy, I bought the leg one instead - and then left it on for double the time that it said on the instructions, to be on the safe side...

It all just wiped away beautifully, along with the top two layers of skin on my hoo-ha. Oh, the pain. I had to carry a tube of Germolene in my bag all day at work, and apply it intermittently to be able to sit down.

I was 12 and put my hand on a raging hot hob ring.. I near broke my toe with the shock, I jumped back, my foot kicked out!
My thought process, 'I wonder if that ring is as hot as hot as it looks'.
Bloody idiot..

When we were kids we found a huge plastic barrel in a field. It was enormous and us four 9-10 year old kids all fitted into it easily. So we did what any self respecting kid of that age would do and dragged it to the top of a huge hill climbed inside and rolled down. It went a hell of a lot faster than we expected and only stopped when it smacked into wall. My sister broke her nose, and we thought my friend was dead as she was knocked unconscious. Oh, and did I mention the vomiting on the way down, and spinning round covered in it like we were in a giant washing machine

Omg! The vomit had me howling 🤢🤣

Had a barny with staff at restaurant, next day threw like a chicken and shat my pants several times.
Never upset the person cooking your lunch

Decorating DS's bedroom, emptied his big IKEA Kallax unit just enough to be able to slide it across the floor on my own. I knew there was stuff on the top of the unit but didn't think to take it all off... big brass football trophy hit me on the head. Had to sit down for a bit!

OH is terrible for burning his hands- he'll use a tea towel to take a baking tray out of the oven then put the towel down and pick the baking tray up with his bare hands, it's like he thinks it will have cooled within a couple of seconds?!

Start smoking as a teenager. Even worse, start again as an adult for no particular reason after not having smoked for 5 years.

@Motnight

Drunk. Got in a car outside the train station. Told the driver to take me home, about 7 miles away. Driver insisted that he wasn't a taxi driver. I insisted that he was. He drove me home. It was many years ago and he had to rely on an A - Z. He had literally just dropped his parents off at the station when I got in the car.

Ahahahahahahahaaaaaahaaaaa! Thank you :-)