Absolutely Ridiculous Things in Books

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

I’m reading (it’s painful and I will use it for kindling when I’m finished) Just My Luck by Adele Parks. I actually used to enjoy her books back in the day for a bit of mindless escapism and the characters were well-written but they’ve slid into lunacy over the last few years. Think twins pretending to be the same person and getting married to one guy (or something like that) and a mum’s glamorous 45 year old mate shagging her 17 year old son and getting pregnant while they all live under the same roof.

The latest one they win the lottery and calamity ensues in the most implausible ways possible.

The daughter in this one is musing over the fact that her boyfriend has turned into a bit of cad and she’s moping about, and musing over missing ‘the musty smell of his balls’

THE MUSTY SMELL OF HIS BALLS.

The character in question is FIFTEEN. She was ONLY FIFTEEN YEARS OLD (in the voice of Micheal Caine)

Please add, there must be loads, and we can have a laugh on this horrible wet January afternoon.

@PowerhousePatty the constant descriptions of lighting up and inhaling 'ciggies' were irritating - as an ex-smoker, I could feel myself getting tempted back to the filthy habit! I was also concerned about her sidekick downing half a bottle of vodka before turning up for work - in his car. But hey, I still enjoyed reading the series.

Talking of Helen Fielding, I'm sure she wrote a book not long after Bridget Jones where I think the main character ended up in a Thai prison? Bloody awful book... I would imagine the reality is not how its portrayed in there At All I was so disappointed and put me off her as an author (havent read any of the Bridget Jones sequels despite really loving the original!)

I’m pretty sure that happened in the second Bridget Jones film but not the book.

She ended up in a Thai prison in the second book after accidentally smuggling drugs. Think mark darcy organised her release but not positive about that

Ooh yes and she had a nice time in the prison once she got into the swing, and taught the other women words to Madonna songs and gave them her bras.

Like a wirgin

It's Hedda Gabler.

@dancerdog ooooh thanks for the correction

Wuthering bastard Heights. I suffered through this horror as an A-level set text back in the day.

"Her heart beat visibly and audibly."

Horseshit! No it fucking didn't!

Heathcliff was an utter cunt and Cathy needed shooting.

Awa an bile yer heid, Bronte.

Sorry \i sounded snotty SmidgenofaPigeon, it's about the only thing I know about Ibsen. ie the spelling!

Ah, well to be fair I didn’t check before I typed it out. Just Gab-led it

Oh So I did read the second Bridget Jones then... obviously blanked everything apart from the prison stuff!

Bridget Jones and Jemima J because they really weren’t that big and their authors made them out to be absolute heifers (and Renee Zellwegger looked much better for gaining a few lbs to play Bridget)

Bridget jones isn't made out to be a heifer, it's her own perception. Her weight is clear and even if she was 4'11" tall she wouldn't be overweight- that's the point, the author is commenting on women constantly trying to lose weight when they don't need to.

Yes - the whole point is that Bridget’s perception is skewed. When she does actually get down to 8 stone or whatever she thinks her ‘ideal’ weight is, all her friends comment on how ill she looks!

Ah, ok, thanks. It’s been a while since I read Bridget Jones - time for a revisit.

I couldn’t watch the Bridget Jones films because they made her something like 10 stone instead of 8.5 stone and thus completely missed the point!

I loved Rachel’s Holiday when I first read it as a teenager, but I later discovered that she uses the same plot twist in at least two-thirds of her books so it turned out to be her thing, which hugely devalued it. It made sense in the context of the rehab centre; it made no sense by the time she used it on Anna, the supposed-to-be-alternative-hippy one, who in her own book is rewritten as a formerly naive but sensible and businesslike woman (which I also found irritating rather than a clever play on living with the expectations of others)!

Yes - the whole point is that Bridget’s perception is skewed. When she does actually get down to 8 stone or whatever she thinks her ‘ideal’ weight is, all her friends comment on how ill she looks!

And it's made clear she only loses 7lbs to get to her ideal weight (the weight everyone thinks makes her look skinny and ill).

There's a line in one of the books that I've never forgotten, because it chimed with me, in which she says that it came as a shock to her to realise that we actually need to consume calories to live because she'd got so used to thinking that ideally we would eat none at all. Such a dysfunctional attitude to food, but so common. At the end of every year, despite it all, her weight remains pretty much the same, which shows how futile it all is.

@MaryLennoxsScowl

I couldn’t watch the Bridget Jones films because they made her something like 10 stone instead of 8.5 stone and thus completely missed the point!

I loved Rachel’s Holiday when I first read it as a teenager, but I later discovered that she uses the same plot twist in at least two-thirds of her books so it turned out to be her thing, which hugely devalued it. It made sense in the context of the rehab centre; it made no sense by the time she used it on Anna, the supposed-to-be-alternative-hippy one, who in her own book is rewritten as a formerly naive but sensible and businesslike woman (which I also found irritating rather than a clever play on living with the expectations of others)!

I was saying this to my sister the other day. I love the Walsh sister books but she creates a very clear character for one of them, such as Anna being so away with the fairies, but as soon as she has to write as that character it all goes out the window. She explained it away by having Anna say she has grown up and changed but it always seemed to me that Marian just couldn’t write the sisters as the characters they had created once they were first person so they all end up just having the same voice. Still love the books but I do find that aspect of it frustrating.

I’m not sure about picking apart books that are supposed to be funny (Bridget Jones/Allison Pearson) they are not aiming for gritty reality they are trying to make people laugh - so some artistic licence is necessary

Why can’t we want books to be well written? This thread is about books that aren’t good enough to sustain the suspension of belief that most of us need to be properly entertained, whether through bad editing, poor research or crap writing. If a book is published and people are asked to pay for it, it’s up for discussion and (literary) criticism.

@SlatternIsMyMiddleName

I can’t remember the specifics but I do recall reading an Inspector Morse and it being terrible. Plot holes everywhere and nowhere near as nuanced as the tv programme.

I must suggest The Secret of Annexe 3 as unquestionably the WORST EVER murder mystery.

(SPOILER ALERT for the unspoilable)

Morse doesn't even turn up until about p50.

The murder victim is a white man, 'blacked up' and fancy-dressed as a Rastafarian, with dreadlocks attached to a hat.

But in fact...

He was already dead, and his place was taken by a real black Rastafarian. Like people wouldn't examine him closely enough to notice, at a party where he won first prize for his costume!

and...

There were no footprints in the snow because the body was lifted there using a huge crane from the nearby building works. No one noticed it moving on New Year's Day and mentioned it to the police. And why would they take such a risk????

It's the only one they never filmed. Can't think why!

@CounsellorTroi "Maeve Binchy died in 2012 which might explain why her stuff is a bit off lately!"

There were a couple of half finished manuscript that they supposedly found somewhere, and were polished/edited and published after Maeve Binchy's death. But they didn't have the same charm. I remember saying to a friend the next book will be dictated in a seance.

However, I was such a fan that I read them, but they didn't really do her any favours. It's a bit like the new Agatha Raisin book that has been written by someone else, since MC Beaton has recent died. I don't think I'll be reading any new Hamish Macbeth or Agatha Raisin books, sadly.

@Dailyhandtowelwash

Why can’t we want books to be well written? This thread is about books that aren’t good enough to sustain the suspension of belief that most of us need to be properly entertained, whether through bad editing, poor research or crap writing. If a book is published and people are asked to pay for it, it’s up for discussion and (literary) criticism.

Agreed. I'm looking at you, "American Dirt", and not about the Latinx objections, just writing that is not good enough.