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To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

680 replies

Thickums · 02/01/2020 20:09

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurableBlush. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?' Blush

OP posts:
ikeakia · 16/01/2020 12:57

The guy who had shaved his legs, armpits and pubes to surprise me as he thought I would only be attracted to completely hairless men.
It was a surprise. It was the Ick.

Weirdomagnet · 17/01/2020 12:36

CryptoFascist

The pettiest "ick" I've experienced was from a teenage boyfriend who, upon seeing a squirrel in the park, rubbed his fingers together and made a "tch tch" noise with his tongue like he was summoning a cat. I can still feel the irrational rage! It's a wild animal, not a pet!

Made my day, this 😂

MaguiresSmile · 17/01/2020 13:45

I'm still laughing over the pp who got the ick with her boyfriend when he fell down the stairs! Poor buggerGrin
And the pp who was given the broken fried egg at breakfast - massive red flag that!

3luckystars · 17/01/2020 20:59

A broken friend egg. He must have hated your guts to do that. You had to end it.

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 18/01/2020 12:27

Can anyone link to the 'Phwoar' thread? Can't find it anywhere.

NotTonightJosepheen · 18/01/2020 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mj2196 · 18/01/2020 16:34

Another for a bald head . Attractive at first &spent 2 years together but once walked in on him shaving it and the sight And sound of the razor on his skin was too much .

Ex started to pronounce words with a W instead of the proper letters . “Wordan wants a wuddle”. Over before he finished the sentence

I’ve had a fella I was seeing tell me he got the ick after watching me take my false eyelashes off though so I guess it is both ways 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 18/01/2020 21:48

@NotTonightJosepheen thank you very much :)

Macaroni46 · 18/01/2020 23:10

Remembered another one!
Was chatting online to a lovely guy one time. All seemed to be going well. Then he referred to his children as cherubs and talked about 'his boy' as in 'today I went fishing with my boy'
Totally intolerant of me I know, but he had to go!

slumberlina · 19/01/2020 00:56

I had had a flirtation with a man for a decade or so and we ended up getting a hotel together one night. In the morning we ate breakfast. I watched him cut the white off his egg and put the whole yolk in his mouth so he could feel it pop. It still makes me feel nauseous thinking about it.

Or the ex who would always season his food like it was some sort of grand event. Just picturing the way he held the salt and pepper mills while he did it, makes me feel angry.

ConnorRipley · 19/01/2020 20:52

I watched him cut the white off his egg and put the whole yolk in his mouth so he could feel it pop.

Shock

What a shame you’d already shagged him.

NightsOfCabiria · 19/01/2020 21:00

Having a serious flirtation with a supplier until he referred to his daughters as ‘the bambinos.’

He was from Manchester ffs.

Another one, met for lunch in a cafe and he was so excited to see me, that he did a little jump/shoulder squeeze/hand clap when he saw me. Reminded me of Christopher Biggins.

MulticolourMophead · 26/01/2020 01:55

This thread has helped me make sense of a few things now. I'd decided to leave my abusive ex, after his behaviour had been ramping up towards DD as she got closer to the age I was when I met him. Then once I'd made the decision, I lost any feelings towards him pretty much instantly. Probably was the ick kicking in.

Sofacat · 26/01/2020 02:32

I was seeing a really lovely chap, couldn’t fault him, until we went for a day out to the beach and I watched him trying to put the blanket down on the sand , I was overcome with instant rage watching him flap the blanket . I couldn’t stand to see him after that.

Flibbitygibbit · 26/01/2020 12:15

I was seeing someone. We'd had a falling out (not far from dumping him a few weeks later) anyhow we'd made up, and he was spending the night at mine. I opened my front door when I saw his car draw up, and saw him carrying his box of "stuff" ... blind folds etc will leave it to your imagination...that's was a massive ICK moment 🤑 Ugggggghhhhhhhh

Scrump21 · 26/01/2020 12:59

My ex used to rub his feet together like a fly every time he got in to bed.... It honestly made me feel the rage!

permanentlyexhaustedpigeon · 26/01/2020 18:14

I once knew a really intelligent guy, wonderfully good-natured, handsome, and I was desperate to go out with him. How delighted I was when he asked me out.
We met up, had a nice stroll, set the world to rights and went for dinner. All good.

My attraction died a death when the main course arrived and he exclaimed "Ooh, yummy in my tummy!" Death knell right there. I felt very shallow but couldn't get past it at all.

An ex I'd been seeing for years gave me the ick with his Serious Voice. I once asked if he wanted to join me and a couple of my colleagues for a drink after work, as a few of them were bringing friends and partners. He replied in a Serious Voice that while he could see why I might ask him along, he didn't feel comfortable in that scenario and he hoped I would respect his wishes. A "nah, I'll pass" would have been fine...

Rainydayss · 27/01/2020 12:08

This thread has had me crying!

I had an ex who lived at a distance so a lot of our chat was on the phone or messages. He used to love 3 hour phone conversations (yes really) which I had no time or inclination to do! If I called him he used to answer with 'Goooooood morning gorgeous' very loudly whilst he was at work...instant icky cringe
He also used to refer to women as 'girls'. 'I cant help chat to the girls that work in the supermarket'....creepy as well as ick
He referred to me as 'my girl'......Im in my 40s thanks and past puberty many moon ago.
Yuk

Scrump21 · 28/01/2020 21:44

They are talking about getting the ick on love island.... Mum's net must be reaching 😂

Lweji · 29/01/2020 16:14

They are talking about getting the ick on love island.... Mum's net must be reaching

Anyone else going straight to Relationships to spot the Love Island posts?

Ladyratterley · 29/01/2020 17:44

Oh my god, I've had a think about this and come up with quite a few!

When I was in my 20s a guy I was seeing came to stay at mine with his stuff in a Tesco bag for life. Totally put me off. I dumped him not long afterwards. I wonder we'd still be together if he'd used a bag or a rucksack like a normal person?!

One guy I was seeing used the phrase "we had a giggle". So un masculine. And he also had a hairy mole on his forearm. The ick set in and that was that.

Another described his mouth shape as a "rosebud mouth" (and to be fair it was) and this gave me the ick and it was downhill from there.

I am clearly an awful person!

aurynne · 08/02/2020 01:46

Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have given a name and a raison-d'etre to something that has happened to me several times and I never understood.

I have had a couple of "icks" with boyfriends/guys I briefly fancied. One of the boyfriends once wrote me a horrid poem and printed a photo of him and me with speech bubbles saying "I love you" coming from both of us while I was away on holiday. Instant ick. Broke up with him over the phone because I couldn't face waiting till I was back and risk getting more of those letters. The poem was also full of spelling mistakes. Ick!

Another time I had been seeing this guy I found very hot. Once we went to the movies with a group of friends to watch a comedy and... oh God... his laughter... It started normally, but then went high-pitched and kept going on and on, something like: "Ha... haha... ha... hehe... heeeeheeeheee... HEEHEEHEEEEHEEEEEEEEWWWWEEEWWWW". A mutual friend and I looked at each other utterly horrified. Then I tried to kiss him and... his tongue... it just... stood there. Not moving. Like a slug that had died and hardened up a bit. That was it. One ick too many.

The ick that, until today, I couldn't explain and I felt worst about was about a long-time great friend I had always felt was "the one". We met when I was a teenager, become best friends and I had always had the feeling that he and I would end up together. Unknown to me at the time, he felt the same way. Then when we were both early 30s we kissed and we both thought that was it, that we were "the one" and would be together for ever.

And then, suddenly, like a bomb exploding... the ick. I remember he emailed me a photo of him holding a piece of paper where he had printed: "I LOVE YOU!". I watched his hands holding the piece of paper, and I thought they were very feminine hands. And I couldn't stop thinking about it and feeling repulsed. Instantly I went from "I will love him forever" to "I can't stand the idea of him touching me", and it was horrible because he really loved me and had felt his dream had come true and I was the woman of his dreams. He gave up his job because they did not want to give him holidays so he could come see me (welived in different cities). I tried, I really tried and I was hoping this funny, disgusting feeling would go away, but it just got worse and shortly after I had to break it, because I literally gagged every time he touched me.

I remember when he finally accepted it was over, and we were waiting for a taxi to pick him up and take him to the airport, and I was trying to look sad but I was just gagging for him to JUST GO AWAY. He looked at me and said: "Don't cry, aurynne, don't cry". And I just thought: "WTF??? I am NOt crying! I am just praying for that fucking taxi to appear and take you away so I can do a massive dance and feel free of this horrible sensation!".

The relief when he left! But also the guilt, because he had been a fantastic friend for years, and I knew I had broken his heart. I still feel guilty today, but there is no way I could overcome that sudden disgust at everything about him: the way he walked, the clothes he wore, his mannerisms, his jokes... everything grated! I could never explain to him what had happened, I think he was convinced I must have found someone else, but I hadn't.

Now I know it was "the ick".

TheClitterati · 08/02/2020 10:31

Oh I'm so happy to find out that this is an actual real thing. I've always thought it was just me.

So one guy he was actually perfect in so many ways. devoted to me, kind, funny, sexy, but different from the norm - which I love. Good sex and he loved oral sex on me - happy happy. Suddenly he had "a smell" only I could smell. I couldn't stand the smell of him I couldn't bear to be anywhere near him - it was a physical propulsion like two magnets flipped over & boom I want to be anyway else. We still friends today. I don't see him very often but he always sighs and looks at me wistfully- he thinks I'm "the one that got away".

I always thought it was some secret genetic repulsion.

Other Icks have been less memorable but just as powerful.

waterlego · 08/02/2020 18:32

Oh, this thread. I have got the ick with almost every man I’ve ever been involved with, except DH and that’s why I’m still with him.

With one boyfriend, it was the moment I saw him dancing for the first time. We were at a party and he started sort of gyrating towards me with what he obviously imagined was a ‘sexy’ look. No. That was the end of that.

With another bf, I got the ick as soon as the balance shifted. By which I mean, I fancied THE PANTS off him but he was a bit aloof. Then all of a sudden he was ‘in to’ me and I instantly got the ick at his puppy-dog eyes, even though that was I had thought I wanted.

With another bloke, it was the moment I realised his nose looked a bit like the end of a penis.

Gogolego · 09/02/2020 11:13

Reading this finally makes me realise why I broke up with my ex. A really nice guy who on paper was perfect for me loved me to bits but.

The way he said "shall we get into something more comfortable?" Leading to sex was icky
And the way he was unapologetically messy
I think I just got the ick

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