Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have given a name and a raison-d'etre to something that has happened to me several times and I never understood.
I have had a couple of "icks" with boyfriends/guys I briefly fancied. One of the boyfriends once wrote me a horrid poem and printed a photo of him and me with speech bubbles saying "I love you" coming from both of us while I was away on holiday. Instant ick. Broke up with him over the phone because I couldn't face waiting till I was back and risk getting more of those letters. The poem was also full of spelling mistakes. Ick!
Another time I had been seeing this guy I found very hot. Once we went to the movies with a group of friends to watch a comedy and... oh God... his laughter... It started normally, but then went high-pitched and kept going on and on, something like: "Ha... haha... ha... hehe... heeeeheeeheee... HEEHEEHEEEEHEEEEEEEEWWWWEEEWWWW". A mutual friend and I looked at each other utterly horrified. Then I tried to kiss him and... his tongue... it just... stood there. Not moving. Like a slug that had died and hardened up a bit. That was it. One ick too many.
The ick that, until today, I couldn't explain and I felt worst about was about a long-time great friend I had always felt was "the one". We met when I was a teenager, become best friends and I had always had the feeling that he and I would end up together. Unknown to me at the time, he felt the same way. Then when we were both early 30s we kissed and we both thought that was it, that we were "the one" and would be together for ever.
And then, suddenly, like a bomb exploding... the ick. I remember he emailed me a photo of him holding a piece of paper where he had printed: "I LOVE YOU!". I watched his hands holding the piece of paper, and I thought they were very feminine hands. And I couldn't stop thinking about it and feeling repulsed. Instantly I went from "I will love him forever" to "I can't stand the idea of him touching me", and it was horrible because he really loved me and had felt his dream had come true and I was the woman of his dreams. He gave up his job because they did not want to give him holidays so he could come see me (welived in different cities). I tried, I really tried and I was hoping this funny, disgusting feeling would go away, but it just got worse and shortly after I had to break it, because I literally gagged every time he touched me.
I remember when he finally accepted it was over, and we were waiting for a taxi to pick him up and take him to the airport, and I was trying to look sad but I was just gagging for him to JUST GO AWAY. He looked at me and said: "Don't cry, aurynne, don't cry". And I just thought: "WTF??? I am NOt crying! I am just praying for that fucking taxi to appear and take you away so I can do a massive dance and feel free of this horrible sensation!".
The relief when he left! But also the guilt, because he had been a fantastic friend for years, and I knew I had broken his heart. I still feel guilty today, but there is no way I could overcome that sudden disgust at everything about him: the way he walked, the clothes he wore, his mannerisms, his jokes... everything grated! I could never explain to him what had happened, I think he was convinced I must have found someone else, but I hadn't.
Now I know it was "the ick".