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Original poster

To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

680 replies

Thickums · 02/01/2020 20:09

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurableBlush. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?' Blush

OP posts:
Glitterfisher · 04/01/2020 22:24

I agree with the posters who have mentioned it's often things that men do that make them childlike or less manly. I definitely like blokey blokes, DH is but is different to my previous partners in that hes not tall or muscular but he is still manly. There must be a more in depth connection as he has small hands and feet which would definitely give me the ick with someone else Grin

toffeeghirlinatwirl · 04/01/2020 22:47

DP and I mutually dumped each other just before Christmas after 10 years.
He'll have his reasons - I'm a moody cow and he's sick of my moaning was his parting shot. Obviously, there'll be more.

For me, the ick definitely started creeping up over the past few months:
The way he falls asleep and this weird croaking noise sing songs from his throat;
He adds bacon, onion, peppers and random spices to instant noodles and smugly thinks he's a master chef; the baby talk to the dog; he started growing his hair out and bought Alice bands to keep it out of his eyes; got tired of growing hair and went to the barbers. Barber gave him a Beatles mop top and he actually paid the barber, came home seething but has done nothing about it since; the quirky habit he has of watching old 70/80s sit coms now infuriates me. He recently binge watched Robin's Nest. Why?

However, two recent incidents were the final straw. Firstly, he sat tallying all the episodes/ series of US sitcoms he's yet to see. eg he's still looking for episodes 5 and 7 of season 6 of king of queens or similar useless waste of time shit. He actually sat tapping a pencil to his teeth as he scrolled through the laptop. Like he was doing a serious audit and deep in thought. I wanted to kill him.
Secondly, he came to pick me up. He didn't think he'd have to leave the car but was running low on fuel. As he walked back to the car after paying, I was utterly repulsed. He had sweatpants on with baggy knees, a T-shirt far too small with his flabby grey belly on show, a cardigan (!) and that bloody hair cut. Any ounce of love, respect, even pity for him shut down at that moment. I slunk down in my seat on that forecourt, embarrassed to be seen with him. I still can't get the image of Barney from The Simpsons out of my head.

toffeeghirlinatwirl · 04/01/2020 22:54

Sorry for the really long post.
I've actually quite a few ick moments with exes.
The one that used to rub his feet in socks across the carpet.
The one I was obsessed with until he stripped down to canary yellow briefs.
And when I was a teenager, there was a lad who had a Saturday job at the garage in our street. He looked gorgeous in his oily boiler suit, grease smeared on his face. Then I saw him in his every day clothes. He ironed a crease in his jeans and wore slip on shoes.

Purplealienpuke · 04/01/2020 22:55

@stouffer I think we may know the same person......

I had a weird experience with a one time guy (I'm menopausal, seriously horny) I'm sure I'd have met up with him again if he hadn't insisted on telling me to 'fuck it' repeatedly while we were DTD!! 🤢

ToftyAC · 05/01/2020 02:33

Yep. Hence why I’m divorced. I look at him now after 7 years of separation and 6 years since our divorce why I ever found him attractive.

thickwoollytights · 05/01/2020 06:40

Aaaah I remember those days of fit young lads who could shoot it across the room / up the wall :o

😂

Thankfully I've not met one as yet ConfusedGrin

mondayfeels · 05/01/2020 07:43

I’ve had the ick in every single relationship bar the one I’m in now. It’s definitely a point of no return where the other person suddenly repulses me when they’re doing something really normal, and after that I can’t stand to have them touch me again, so it’s over. The most random point that ick has ever hit me, was watching them eat a strawberry! 😂

littlemama18 · 05/01/2020 08:55

Love this post Grin

I once dated a guy who would pee sitting down...completely turned me off!!

Then went on a date with someone and it all went fine until the end and he fell down some stairs Blush I felt so awful and embarrassed but I couldn’t see him again afterwards!

And the last one I dated was a really nice guy all round, but when I went down on him he made the most feminine whiney whimpery noises!! Made me feel ill and I’ve never seen him since!!!

littlemama18 · 05/01/2020 08:56

Feel I need to add.. the second guy wasn’t injured he just slid down Grin

BitOfFun · 05/01/2020 09:01

Oh God, I'd forgotten one: a guy I was seeing who was insistent on having entirely sober daylight sex (he was in AA). I was prepared to be convinced, but he actually dripped sweat from his face onto me.

Never again.

AwdBovril · 05/01/2020 09:10

DH pees sitting down. Always has, as long as I've known him - MIL is disabled & can't easily bend to sort the loo seat so, rather than risk any of them forgetting to leave it down for her (FIL & 2 sons) they all learned to pee sitting down. I think it's quite sweet actually. And good for me, in 15 years he's literally never left the seat up, or made horrible messy splashes.

He does clear his throat though. Like, literally, every minute or two. He needs to take antihistamines (I suspect a postnasal drip) but he "doesn't like taking tablets". I practically rattle! But noooo, he'd rather sit there, "ahem-hem-heming" with a tiny little grunt each time.

Merrymerkin · 05/01/2020 09:24

We used to call it the "yuk" factor too.
My first one was when l was dating a lovely bloke, all was going well, then l met his mother and sister.
They all looked so alike it was downright creepy.
I could never look at him again without seeing his mum and sister.
He had to go.
Immediately.

winniestone37 · 05/01/2020 09:41

I agree with someone above, I grew up and got past it but did have many ‘oh god he dances weird’ type scenarios before that.

Wilkie1956mog · 05/01/2020 09:50

There is nobody who doesn't have some ways or habits that are annoying to others, or maybe to one other. And of course the more time we spend with people the more we might notice these things. My husband of many years has a few very annoying little habits (like a weird thing he does of sticking his bottom lip out) and daft little sayings that make me cringe. But you know what? I'm sure I do things that annoy him just as much. But we love each other and we are a family. What does it matter? He is a kind and loving man and Iam lucky. When he does an annoying little thing I try to think how much I would wish he was still here to be annoying me if anything happened to him. People who look for perfection in a partner will never be happy. Or their "perfect" person will find THEM too annoying to live with.

Thankssomuch · 05/01/2020 09:55

toffeeghirlinatwirl ‘he recently binge watched Robins Nest. Why?’

I am laughing out loud here! Thank you!!!

Gardai · 05/01/2020 10:03

The boak or ick has nothing to do with ‘perfection’ or aspirations of perfection. It’s a visceral feeling whereby a person’s presence becomes insufferable. You can not overlook or ignore this feeling, it is beyond strong.
You could ignore it if you were very determined and then spend most of your life secretly hating them and smiling for the neighbours. I have realised there is one exception - the temporary pregnancy ick.

Gardai · 05/01/2020 10:04

@littlemama18 thank you for the sliding story, made me laugh this morning 😃

Namechangeforick · 05/01/2020 10:07

I’m SO glad I found this thread! This has happened to me on several occasions and I honestly thought there was something wrong with me because it’s always with nice blokes not complete arseholes! Like PP’s have said it’s a visceral reaction, like physical repulsion and it kills it dead!

My worst one was with a really good bloke, good looking, kind, funny, good body etc, who I was genuinely really excited about. Until we had sex and as soon as he finished said ‘thank you’ to me. I physically scrambled away from him and it was done.
Also remember another bloke who I met out and went home with, all good until I woke up the next day and saw a half eaten selection box on his floor, with crumpled wrappers inside it. Killed it.

Inanothertime · 05/01/2020 10:08

The 'ick' works both ways! Grin

Gardai · 05/01/2020 10:11

Oh do tell @Inanothertime ! Would love to here the guys version of this.

Thankssomuch · 05/01/2020 10:12

One guy gave me the permanent ick (or yuck - we know what we mean here) by, amongst other things:

Running up to me in the street in a sort of ‘mimicking horses’ hooves in a gallop’ way, to surprise me

Greeting me with “How’s you?” (Think West Country accent)

Adding “Not three bad” when anyone said “Not too bad” (how we laughed!)

Saying “I needed that one” after going to the loo

Calling out to pedestrians who he almost knocked over “You tired of living?”

Then one time I saw him in the street and felt genuinely repulsed and embarrassed by the sight of him...

(I was in my teens then by the way 😂)

mysquishee · 05/01/2020 10:18

Yup. Have had the ick a number of times. My ex is a slob and is serious ick.

But one guy that stands out is someone who took me to a restaurant and told me about his chafing.

mysquishee · 05/01/2020 10:21

all good until I woke up the next day and saw a half eaten selection box on his floor, with crumpled wrappers inside it

😂😂😂😂

I wonder if I've turned off many men with my chocolate habits or if I eat loudly. Would be interesting to know what ick things I've done

Ash39 · 05/01/2020 10:30

It's interesting that a few folk just haven't "got" the thread, and talk about long term partners and loving them despite the annoying habits!
I think that's the whole point though...

The "ick" is a visceral feeling, gut reaction, usually in a relatively new relationship, that tests you to see if it's worth continuing...

If you love someone despite their quirks/faults/strange habits or noises, then they probably are a keeper

Thankssomuch · 05/01/2020 10:42

Ash39 I agree