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Original poster

To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

680 replies

Thickums · 02/01/2020 20:09

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurableBlush. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?' Blush

OP posts:
MrsDilligaf · 03/01/2020 14:23

I love this thread Grin

I've thought of a few more ex's with ick's...

The one who pointed with his middle finger. Just. Point. With. The. Right. Finger. You. Muppet.

The one who whispered "cum for me, cum for me baby". Reader, it was impossible after that.

The one who had hair-free arms. Ugh!

Patroclus · 03/01/2020 14:53

My freudian analysis is that youre rejecting mothering them.

itwaseverthus · 03/01/2020 15:08

The broken egg had me weeping Grin

thenightsky · 03/01/2020 15:15

My freudian analysis is that youre rejecting mothering them.

That would certainly explain my instant 'ick' over my waddling penguin man (toddler behaviour).

JesusMaryAndJosepheen · 03/01/2020 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoltenLasagne · 03/01/2020 15:31

My freudian analysis is that youre rejecting mothering them.

Definitely fits with the guy it happened to for me. It was during uni, he was really attractive and somehow really liked me. He used to turn up at the bar whenever I had a shift and it was so flattering and there was this fantastic chemistry. Then one day he came in from football practice in this oversized kit like a kid whose parents had bought it to grow into, and from then on I noticed all these things that made me think "Oh God, it'd be like dating a child" and it was instant revulsion.

It was a shame really, he was honestly lovely and it was great to have someone to flirt with during a boring shift but I needed to date an adult. He's recently got married to a lovely woman and they've both used baby talk on Facebook about it so clearly he's found a better match now but it brought back the ick factor so much when I saw it!

Sunflower20 · 03/01/2020 15:41

I remember rubbing moisturiser on an ex bf's wobbly abdomen and he suddenly reminded me of a big baby. I felt repulsed! Ended it very quickly after that.

happycamper11 · 03/01/2020 16:01

As I had earlier I'm starting to feel the early stages of this with current P. One bone (literally) of contention is his extra long middle toe 😖

VetOnCall · 03/01/2020 16:19

I've had this once. Started seeing this guy and he was really lovely, and really into me (typical!) but on the 4th date I went to his house, our first non-public date. Anyway, we started kissing and then suddenly he started licking all down my face and neck. He must have thought it was sexy but I was so horrified that I literally shoved him off me. I was absolutely revolted by the thought of his saliva all over me, like proper shivers down my spine revulsion. I had to go to the bathroom to wash it off and then I blurted out some random excuse and left. There was no point trying to talk to him about it, just the thought of him was instant shuddery skin-crawl from that moment so I had to give him the old 'sorry but this isn't going to work' text the next day.

nowaypose · 03/01/2020 16:22

I had this once but with an ex. We were together when I was very young and naive, I thought the sun shone out of his arse at the time. I found out he had been cheating and dumped him, it was all very teenager and dramatic at the time but I was heartbroken. Anyway, years and years down the line he randomly got in touch with me and asked if we could meet for a drink. I decided to go for it, didn’t see what I had to lose. He was absolutely disgusting, everything about him just made my skin crawl and I didn’t understand what I ever saw in him. He tried to stay in contact after that but I just couldn’t do it, he was grim.

Tartypants · 03/01/2020 16:58

My mum says she reckons if you don’t get pregnant within 2 years of seeing them the ick descends... but that must be a different ick from the early days icks. Had both. First was a pair of light brown corduroy trousers. Couldn’t believe I was so shallow as to fancy him in anything but those. He thought they were fine and I was being funny. They weren’t, and I wasn’t! Reader, I did not marry him. Or the guy with the literal big head.

Thankssomuch · 03/01/2020 17:11

I haven’t laughed as much in ages!

This is definitely a thing.

Over the years I’ve not been able to get past the following (from a range of men I’ve dated):

Referring to their stomach as their ‘tummy’

Ditto their dick as their ‘willy’

Calling himself a ‘love pup’ (ffs)

Stroking and kissing me gently (ugh)

Going for a wee and calling it a ‘wetsy’

Wearing three quarter length sports trousers with a kind of sports mule

Being petulant about not getting sex

Sucking his fingers after having them in me (with relish)

On a walk in the country, Describing an acorn shell thing as a ‘cap for a pixie’ (twat)

Referring to my boobs as ‘breasts’ in a tone of reverence - can’t describe it but stomach churning.

Any kind of ‘little boy’ behaviour to appear cute.

And no, there is no going back...

Almahart · 03/01/2020 17:15

‘Little boy’ behaviour is the ultimate boaky ick isn’t it

Weirdomagnet · 03/01/2020 17:29

@Thankssomuch fucking hilarious! And EUGH🤮!!

Ferretyone · 03/01/2020 17:34

Wouldn't watching anyone eat a "Pot Noodle" do it ...

@Thickums

Nutkin123 · 03/01/2020 17:34

Had this a couple of times and it's made me feel like an atrocious human being.

First time was with a boyfriend when I was at school. I went round to his house and he ran down the stairs wearing a short-sleeved shirt in a pattern that a dinner lady would wear. He'd also just brushed his teeth but his breath smelt weird and that was it for me.

The last time was about 5 years ago. Went on a 2nd date with someone and he tucked my hair behind my ears and stroked my chin before he kissed me. Couldn't see him again after that. He also had a bunk bed and got really offended when I said "nice bunk bed" he referred to it as a "double bed on stilts" - good bye.

Nutkin123 · 03/01/2020 17:34

We also refer to it as "the sickness"

Royallyscrewed · 03/01/2020 17:38

Yes, I got a terrible case of the ick seeing an ex make a brew. He put the milk first and for some reason it enraged me to the point I couldn’t get past it.

BlueRussianCat · 03/01/2020 17:39

You can get over it. It's called growing up and realising everyone has imperfections. Long term relationships get over these things because the positive things outweigh the niggles. I'm sure you're not 100% perfect yourself, op.

There's a difference between this, and what I think OP is talking about. SP has things he does that annoy me but I wouldn't dump him over it.

But I once had a partner who did nothing wrong, ticked all the boxes, then one day I just felt nothing for him anymore. Nothing. Like if he dropped dead I might feel bad for his family but that's about it. It was just like my heart fucked off andi just wanted rid of him NOW.

BlueRussianCat · 03/01/2020 17:39

*DP

BrownSauceOfCourse · 03/01/2020 17:41

I once went out with a chap who was extremely sexy - until he said one day "Shall we go for 'a bite to eat'?" That was it. A BITE TO EAT? If he'd said 'lunch' or 'dinner' or even 'something to eat', I'd probably be married to him now.

The problem is that my partner of 20 years suddenly used the phrase the other day. It made me shudder still. I'm finding it hard to look at him now.

BlueRussianCat · 03/01/2020 17:41

My friend got "the ick" right after she took her date's virginity and he proclaimed love for her. ShockGrin

Sagradafamiliar · 03/01/2020 17:45

Haha the ick. No, there's no getting over it. Watching my ex heavily salting his food in a really haphazard, annoying way....I knew I would never be able to sleep with him again. He dragged his feet when he walked as well.
Another man I was dating had a haircut, I noticed that the back of his head really put me off. I saw him walking past a couple of weeks after and the sight of it bobbing away from knocked me sick.

PaperbackBlighter · 03/01/2020 17:48

Going for a wee and calling it a ‘wetsy’

My stomach actually lurched on reading that.

Glitterfisher · 03/01/2020 17:49

It's definitely a thing. The one that springs to mind is a bit 'TMI' to write out but it was sex, nothing really gross but it put me off from that 2nd onwards and I could never see him as boyfriend material after that. There have been many times this has happened to me though, it's so irrational and reminds me of the episode with Chandler from Friends where he is the same.

I do hate it when I realise that's how I feel as usually they are really lovely and there is no proper reason for it.

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