to be concerned about St Clare’s Ofsted report

[Alanamackree]

According to my dear friend Mrs Blyton, this is an excellent boarding school for girls. Am I being unreasonable to be concerned about rumors of rampant bullying, a French teacher who verbally abuses and humiliated her students, an unqualified substitute teacher and suggestions that the head may have covered up the attempted abduction of a student?

I’ve been considering Malory Towers as an alternative but I’m not sure that’s the best place for dd either.

Are there any unexplained deaths/missing pupils at Hailsham? Perhaps coinciding with body part requirements (just chance, obviously).

Just wondering out of idle curiosity . . .

How about Dotheboys Hall for your dear sons? Discipline is in the firm and capable hands of Mr Wackford Squeers, worth a look.

So upset to hear the school was demolished for houses - I do hope they were upper class home !

If it’s a boarding school you’re after, what about Hailsham? The kids seem so happy and carefree there. Lots of painting, games etc.

Also, not wanting to derail with completely unrelated news, but DSis found out she had kidney failure last week and there’s a new kidney available for her already. It’s amazing how they come up so quickly. Just wanted to share some good news, in contrast to the bad news about our family earlier.

Unrelated news, eh, NotBad? I had an interesting chat with a former member of staff there, one Miss Lucy, who suggested otherwise. hmm

Well now, don’t I feel silly! That’ll teach me to skim read

My friend's daughter was horribly bullied at Malory Towers. She joined in the Fifth Form and the girls were just awful to her - sneering every time she opened her mouth, deliberately making a fool of her when she tried to get involved in a pantomime they were all putting on, and foisting her onto a spoilt brat who had no close friend of her own because none of the other girls liked her.

She also told us terrible stories about the bullying that went on down at that swimming pool - nervous swimmers being pushed in and then jeered at when they got upset, or being deliberately dragged under the water when they got the courage to get into the pool.

I also believe there was a rather nasty girl who landed one of her form mates in the san when she pushed her violently. Apparently the doctor called in to treat the poor child just happened to be the father of the thug. So of course the whole thing was covered up and passed off as appendicitis, with the Head agreeing to go along with it. She even made the thuggish bully Head Girl a few years later.

Trebizon is better, all that Cornish sea air.

Has anyone mentioned St Elmo's? Had a VERY good reputation a couple of decades ago, but the last I heard the school gangs were going round in shell suits () - there was a particularly nasty group - The "Marys" - who seems to run the place - I got the impression that the staff were terrified of them, though of course, it wasn't said in so many words.

Does anyone know anything about an establishment run by a certain Mrs Brisket? My good friend Miss Slighcarp, who is looking after two little girls, told me that she is thinking of sending the girls there. She is concerned they are not living in the real world and if anything should happen to the parents (who are currently away on a cruise, on a ship that has been rumoured to be unseaworthy) then the girls need practical skills.

Practical skills never go amiss, GallicosCats. I've been looking into putting my little ones on a residential vocational training programme run by a Mr Fagin. He has a very personable young woman called Nancy looking after the boys' welfare. Her partner Bill works in the business too - a very strong character! I don't think he would stand any nonsense, which is important with boys, isn't it. I did just have a little concern about his dog Bullseye roaming around untethered, but Nancy said Bill has him well trained. I gather that from time to time Bill takes one of the younger boys on work experience with him, or possibly more a type of internship, not quite sure, but it sounds like a wonderful opportunity to see the insides of many grand houses and learn about antiques and other valuables. Bill, Nancy and the boys seem to be responsible for acquiring the business's wares and Mr Fagin is i/c sales and marketing and oversees the accounting.

I just need to ask a bit more about the food, but it's bound to be more plentiful than where they are now. The Beadle there takes a very strict approach to portion control, and it doesn't sound very varied.

Gruel is very nourishing Bittermints, though as you rightly say, not terribly inspiring.

Better than the brimstone-and-treacle regimen at Mr Quilp's establishment though.

Like most public schools, it seems that a lot of these establishments prepare their charges with the skills to cope with a life behind bars - no wonder so many politicians don't fear arrest - prep from age 7 followed by umpteen years of cold showers, vile food, bullying and homosexual experimentation - they're fully prepared for it . . .

As so clearly documented in Mr Waugh's documentary novel Decline and Fall, Schadenfreude. Llanabba sounds like a thoroughly bracing place, ideal for the parent who doesn't want boys to be mollycoddled. No namby pamby safeguarding nonsense there!

I went to Rydell High and then elected to beauty school but dropped out early. I just wasn’t cut out for it. However, it’s a great school for social events and athletics.

I've heard that Balamory Nursery is in special measures. Miss Hoolie is never on site and spends far too much time off visiting her friends. Local gossip is that she is "helping PC Plum with enquiries". They also use a very disreputable mini bus hire company for taking the children on visits. Those daisies on the bus are to cover up the dents.

I can highly recommend the inclusivity of Malory towers, my child goes there, we named them whilamena but she later on cut their hair short, identified as Bill (and refused to answer to whilamena), largely lived in trousers, clearly they are wanting to change genders. The girls have been very accepting especially after an exciting time involving a pony.

Mermaids have put us in touch with the parents of another child George (formerly known as Georgina) who also cut their hair and dressed as a boy.

Both children get very angry when referred to by their birth gender we are currently exploring puberty blockers with the help of miss grayling

Those daisies on the bus are to cover up the dents

We're moving this thread to Classics now so it can continue getting cramp in the saltwater swimming pool carved out of rocks and playing pranks on slightly xenophobically characterised French teachers for a bit longer.

I think people are being very unfair on Grange Hill. Things have changed dramatically since the dark days of Mrs McCluskey. There is also a fantastic culture of anti-drugs campaigning, championed by the new PHSE Lead, Mr Zammo, which I think is worth mentioning.

I haven’t heard great things about Waterloo Road, though....

I went to Rydell High and then elected to beauty school but dropped out early. I just wasn’t cut out for it. However, it’s a great school for social events and athletics

@cavycavy - do you look like an Easter egg? :)

@Lydiaatthebarre - so happy to see another black mark clogged up against Thug Darrell. Seriously, we're supposed to like and identify with this character? She's bloody awful!

My son was at Glenbrook North in Chicago but we’ve had numerous problems. The pompous head keeps coming round accusing him and his best mate and girlfriend of skiving off. As if. My daughter, on the other hand, I could well believe would do that, snotty little madam.

Still, I do approve of the excellent Saturday morning detention system at the same school. My friend’s slightly kooky DD is a changed girl after she went to it the other week with some athlete, a prom queen, a rebel and a geek.

HebeMumsnet

Thank you for the classic status, and also to OP for initial post - it's been brill.

((And thank you for your lovely thread-appropriate message . UP SKOOL!)

Those pesky kids that travel round in a van with a dog, supposedly "hunting ghosts" (Oh - put-leese!).

What school should they be going to? I would avoid it like the plague - there doesn't even seem to be a register taken! I know we're talking about America, but really!

I can vouch for New Trier High School in the US. They take misdemeanors very seriously and their punishments are excellent. My DD's friend had to spend a whole Saturday in detention - and quite rightly, as she skived some lessons to go shopping of all things!! She did lose her diamond earring though that day, not sure she ever got it back ...

@PuppyMonkey ohh I think we're talking about the same day! Must be similar schools?

Shermer! It's Shermer High. Gosh all these High Schools in the area make it so confusing!