Embarrassed by boyfriend

[DogDmor]

Been seeing someone for around 3 months. We get in we'll but he's quirky, which is fine - well I thought it was. Sometimes I'm starting to think he's just plain odd.

He's overweight and said he wanted to get fitter so I suggested he come along to my karate class. He did and I ended up mortified. He wore scruffy old jogging suit bottoms with paint on them and a massive baggy t-shirt with Harry Potter on. Whenever instructor showed him something he giggled. Instructor is hard arse, old school - I've known him for years and knew he was going to react badly. After 3 or so giggling moments and DB stood in weird positions and flapping his arms around like a little girl instructor said "what are you giggling at? Are you a girl or what? Do you have something wrong with you?". Everyone was looking. DB started stuttering and instructor carried on with "you know this is karate and not ballet don't you? Are you in the wrong class?". DBs face went bright red. I was mortified and just wanted to hide. Another female instructor said "alright, it's his first day" so instructor said "but what's he giggling at?". Anyway later on instructor came over to me and said "where the hell did you find him? Is he one of your patients or something?" I was so embarrassed I just said "he's a neighbour".

After the class I asked DB why he kept laughing. I'd warned him beforehand about the instructor. He replied "it was funny, I thought I looked silly!" So I said "you did, why did you act like that? It's a class full of martial artists, nobody else was acting like that" do he looked embarrassed and said "I don't know" so I said he shouldn't come again as instructor will have it in for him now. He got upset and said "but I like spending time with you" so I snapped and farted and said "well you embarrassed me, I've been going there for years and now I don't want to go back because of you, find your own hobby".

Anyway this isn't an isolated incident, a couple of weeks ago he embarrassed me in a cafe shouting and making a scene. In private we get on really well but in private he mortifies me.

He still wants to come to karate with me tonight. AIBU to tell him I don't want him there?

[FizzyGreenWater]

Like a ripe fart, this one needs letting go.

[TanquerayTickles]

Ah, you have what is officially known as 'The Ick'. Once you have The Ick it will never go and you will notice more and more things about him that you dislike, which is why you're being mean about him. You should end it so you can both move on and be happy.

I would also find another Karate class. "Like a Girl"? Pfft.

[enoughbananas]

Sounds like you're not very compatible, which is fine- good to know now rather than later. But a few comments

1. Scruffy clothes would have irritated me too, but he may not have had any 'proper' exercise gear. Easily fixed.
   
2. I've never been good at sport. At school I got used to the fact that other children would laugh at me for my failed attempts and often chose to get in there first- if I was the one pointing out how daft I looked then they were laughing with me, right? Perhaps he's the same, or just someone who laughs when nervous. Mocking him publicly is not acceptable. I know martial arts instructors and none of them would behave like this.
   
3. 'Are you a girl' WTF. Obviously female=derogatory

[YeahILoveSummer]

I snapped and farted. Love it 😍.

Don't think he's the one for you. Sorry

[AbsolutelyBeginning]

Gives a whole new meaning to the "bend and snap"

[QuizzlyBear]

Honestly if karate is something you take very seriously and your class and instructor feel the same way and you gave your BF a heads up that this was the case (which you mentioned that you did) then I can understand why you'd be frustrated and embarrassed by him giggling throughout the class. His other behaviours do sound as though he may be on the spectrum though, so if they bother you I'd suggest going your separate ways as he's unlikely to change.

[Aldilogue]

Snapped and farted!! 🤣🤣🤣 Has officially become my new saying.

[Lindy2]

Perhaps your boyfriend thought he was taking part in a fun leisure activity. Unfortunately he appeared to be attending a very unenjoyable, strict class with a very rude sexist instructor.
I feel quite sorry for him actually. It seems like you are trying to turn him into something he's not and he is very much outside of his comfort zone. A lot of people giggle if they are nervous and uncomfortable. Was that a possibility?
I don't think you are a great match as a couple unless you can find other things that you can both confortably do together. Snapping and farting perhaps 😂

[Amandinezea]

I can’t stop laughing

[Outlookmainlyfair]

He deserves better than you, I’m afraid.

[Ginorchoc]

I want that as my user name now!

[Georgiesgirl]

Every time someone repeats 'snapped and farted' I collapse into giggles. Tears.

[imsoboredwithitall]

I can't contain myself "snapped and farted"

[helloworld88]

This is hilarious 😂😂😂😂 genuinely crying laughing here!!

I feel like it's a bit of a wind up tbh, if it isn't then you don't really sound like a nice person and you should break up with him so he can find someone who doesn't snap and fart at him 😂

[Amandinezea]

I’m crying

[helloworld88]

Also What word were you trying to say instead of farted?

[DN4GeekinDerby]

I'd be more embarrassed by the instructor, as I think the second instructor was. Why does your karate instructor think ballet involves a lot of giggling? I mean, the whole hard ass dance instructor is a trope for a reason. I'll take my old wrestling coaches and all their macho crap than deal with the most of the dance teachers I've had. I think his pretty sexist tactics for trying to degrade a student was not what I would want in a teacher of anything.

Some people giggle when they're nervous. Some people struggle with volume control. I think a lot of people give it far less thought than it seems you think they are.

I would be concerned if my partner was waking up repeatedly like that though.

[Summersnake]

If this is real and not made up...I think you set yr bf up with yr karate instructor as you knew exactly what they were both like..clearly your bf has issues ,I've 3 family members with autism ,and you correctly identified the possibility yr bf has the same...in which case thats not very nice for putting this on here for everyone to laugh at .

[Tangled59]

@findthegap
This sounds weirdly familiar. Have you posted about your DP before, when he was pretending to talk to your dog and you said the dog told him to piss off?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Im sorry she may be harsh but the OP is hilarious with great style. OP come back!

[Sparklesocks]

Sounds like he was nervous and a bit uncomfortable in class and it came out as giggling. Distracting yes, but I think an overreaction for your teacher to berate him for it.

Do you actually like him? Why are you with him if he’s so embarrassing for you?

Stop farting and make a decision about whether this is the right partner for you.

[AbsolutelyBeginning]

It's a class full of martial artists, nobody else was acting like that" do he looked embarrassed and said "I don't know" so I said he shouldn't come again

Aw, you are crushing the guy's spirit! He sounds like a quirky one-off. At least you can't accuse him of taking himself too seriously!

If he could overlook your snapping and farting, you could overlook his foibles.

[FrozenMargarita17]

I can't believe OP didn't address the farting. Please come back!!

[SparklyMagpie]

Maybe you're farting didn't help the situation

[SundayGirls]

If your DB felt uncomfortable then he could have said "I'm sorry, it's not for me. I'll wait for you outside" or whatever. Even if he'd just left the class and was too shy to say anything it would have been better. Presumably he's a grown adult not a 12yo boy. His giggling and pretending with the moves sounds very immature and that for me would be a complete turn-off. The instructor could have said "If you're not prepared to concentrate and join in without laughing then you'll have to leave the session" would have sufficed but he and what he said isn't really your problem, you aren't asking whether you should change karate instructors.

I wonder if your DB was being passive aggressive in his choice of clothes and his attitude. He knows it's important to you and was really not taking it seriously. And TBH knowing karate instructors, I doubt your instructor would have DB in the class again, unless your DB apologised and/or showed some respect and effort to try. Karate instructors very rarely (almost never) have a go at people who are trying but getting it wrong, but they do and they will have a go for poor attitude and disrespectful behaviour.