Expats, tell me what aspect or social norm of your new country was strange to you?

[AjasLipstick]

I am a Brit in Oz and for me, the hardest thing to get used to was Sunday trading hours being like the UK in the 70s.

The weirdest thing was how much less formal people are...kids are dressed very informally and parties for children never have kids dressed up in party dresses but in shorts and t shirts. I like it now I'm used to it though.

Lived in Italy for the best part of a decade. There were lots of wonderful things but unfortunately the things that spring to mind are all pretty negative.

• Not saying please/thank you/excuse me/sorry. You get funny looks if you do.
• Not knowing how to queue. At the airport, for example, they will all go and crowd around the gate 2 hours before boarding.
• They are terrified of not being able to get off the bus/underground at their stop. They will get up 2 stops before theirs and go to the door and ask anyone in their way whether they are getting off at the next stop.
• Food snobbery. It's almost a crime to eat salad off the same plate you're eating pasta from.
• Blatant littering. Grown adults will throw rubbish on the ground, sometimes even right next to a bin.
• Men treating women with a lack of respect for 364 days a year but texting every female they've ever met on 8th March to wish them happy international women's day.
• Selfish driving. Cutting people up, using bus lanes and hard shoulders because they are in a hurry. Because obviously no one else is.
• Bus drivers on the phone whilst driving. Often to their mothers.
• The drink driving. SO prolific. They think that it's OK if they drive slowly or only a short distance.
• Violence against children. Totally normal to hit your children with slippers, wooden spoons etc.
• Children are not disciplined and are allowed to run amok until someone else comments on it. Then the child is bollocked to within an inch of their life. See the point above about violence.

From Scandinavia, in the UK:

• going to a birthday party/wedding and having to pay for your own drinks and/or food: unthinkable in my culture

I'm a Finn so not strictly speaking a Scandinavian but you never(* get your drinks paid in Finnish weddings. If the couple are feeling generous, they may have made an alcoholic punch but it only gets wheeled out and served after the dinner. There can be a very high chance that there's not any wine served during the meal. Only home made beer (non-alcoholic), milk and water. If there is wine, it'll be two glasses per person and that's it. And because the weddings tend to be in old farm houses/community rooms, there's no bar at all. So you don't even have the choice of being able to go and pay for your own drinks.

We married in Finland but one of my non-negotiables was that there's a free bar for all the guests and plenty of wine to be served during the meal. This was so unusual that I had to give the bar staff reassurance during the night that yes, it is fine to serve the guests what ever drinks they like. Even vodka

(* I come from a modest working class background, maybe it's different in the posher, academic circles.

Brit living in the USA (middle of the East Coast) - things not mentioned so far:

Living in a modern house that was basically an overgrown shed in construction - light, wooden and rubbish insulation.
"Forced air" heating that just felt draughty all the time.
Top loading washing machines that used so much water I could have had a bath in them.
Tiny baths that only get as deep as halfway up your calves, and you can't actually lie down in them/soak your knees and your back at the same time (and you start wondering about the washing machine...).
Domestic dishwashers looking identical to British ones, but very very noisy (I think they are not sound insulated)
Massive cookers - but table top "toaster ovens" that are very popular for cooking/warming up small items if you are single.
Eating out being very cheap, but buying good quality meat/veg/fruit to cook from scratch being more expensive than M&S or Waitrose.
No "two door" rule for toilets in restaurants and kitchens. My brother was impressed he could have a shit and cook the dinner all at the same time.
The huge gap around the doors in public toilet stalls and practising "not looking" but still sometimes seeing more of your colleagues than you would ever want to know. (hey, your waxing is overdue... )
"Cake" being weird sickly sweet dessert-type constructions, as opposed to British, well, cake. I came last in the office cake competition with my lemon and poppy seed loaf judged to be a bit "tart".
Colleagues going to the local shooting range for their lunch break when they'd had a bad morning at work.

As a balance, things I miss now I'm back home:
Fireflies in the back garden yard.

York's Peppermint Patties
Jarlsberg dip
Being complimented on my driving
Bed Bath & Beyond

Yep - I agree with most of those funnel. I most certainly don't miss the horrible loo doors and seeing your colleagues' knickers around their ankles under the door! I remember trying to explain my discomfort about this once to an American colleague and she didn't understand it at all, which I found particularly weird as Americans are generally so much more prudish than Europeans.

I think the difficulty opening a bank account is to do with money laundering. It used to be much easier but I agree it's ridiculous.
DH is a Jewish Londoner and, despite it being a big city, they ALL go to every funeral. Children don't generally go to Jewish funerals as I found out when I took DD to one when she was about 12.
Queuing in the UK, especially London - it used to be very civilised but has changed in the last 10 years or so. Imported behaviour?
Our cheese is amazing, we regularly go to Neal's Yard. I don't buy French cheese unless I'm in France, ditto jam and some other products. Maybe the French assume theirs is best, like when the Californian wines beat the French ones (see the film Bottleshock).

Washing up bowls!!

Not nice. Never come across them before or after.

When you rinse your dishes, it's with hot water - so your sink (or bowl!) shouldn't fill up with cold water.

Maybe the French assume theirs is best

The Dutch people I know certainly think their cheese is the best in the world. But in my opinion it's all bland and rubbery (with a few exceptions). My Dutch family were blown away by really strong cheddar and stilton

Australia - Indicators and windscreen wipers are on the opposite sides. I was pulled over for a random breath test once and it probably didn't help that I arrived at the side of the road windscreen wipers flapping furiously on a beautiful sunny day.

Middle East- y'know when you're waiting to move out onto a busy road and someone flashes their lights to let you know it's ok to go. This was the OPPOSITE. If someone is flashing their lights it means, "I'm coming through and stopping for no one." That was a bit scary the first time I happily pulled out and was very nearly squashed.

Australian to U.K.

Amazing banking system - I remember being shocked that (a) my sort/account number was printed on my debit card (how clever!) and (b) money transfers were almost instant as opposed to 2-3 days.

Being able to take money out of any bank’s cash point without paying fees - in Australia you typically pay for using other bank’s ATMs.

Paying for small items on card and being able to split a bill across many cards in a restaurant (Australian restaurants will only take one card per bill).

Drinking on a week night - I was mildly shocked the first time a beer on a Monday night was suggested. Also, having a pint at lunch is totally OK. Buying rounds - I’m still not quite at ease with it.

Whole shops devoted to pre-made sandwiches. The wide range of ready meals in supermarkets. How cheap food is, both eating out and supermarkets. Being readily able to buy fruit and vegetables out of season. The terrible flavour of said fruit and vegetables.

Late opening and early closing of shops on a Sunday, incredibly annoying.

How late the day starts and ends - my parents catch a 6.05am train to work, my last Australian job had an official start time of 8am. Gym classes are offered at 7am on Saturday and Sunday. In London, nothing is open before 9am on weekends, the streets are dead. People start work late and finish late.

The NHS. It’s really not that good, in fact it’s pretty bad. Four weeks wait for a GP apppintment is ridiculous. I once flew back to Australia with untreated pneumonia because I wasn’t sick enough for A&E and couldn’t get a GP appt before I left. I arrived Saturday night and my Dad arranged a GP appt for 9am Monday.

Weddings that go on alll day with tiered guest lists. Having to pay for your own drinks, Australian weddings offer all guests beer and wine for free. Having only a choice of a church or registrar wedding rather than using a celebrant.

Oh yes juneau, the prudishness! Our company decided to mark World Aids Day one December, and the very fact that sex was mentioned, with (tasteful) pictures of condoms being manufactured, hit the outrage buttons hard in some colleagues. How dare they push this kind of filth into people's inboxes? etc.

I didn't help with my innocent "but we're all adults here aren't we"?

The French definitely assume their cheese (and everything else) is better than all the rest.

The food snobbery is one of my least favourite things about France.

Oh and it’s very difficult to get non French wine. Certainly if you go to the supermarket you’ll find rows and rows and rows of French wine and not a foreign bottle to be seen anywhere. Even the Riesling is from Alsace rather than Germany. Compare that to the UK where you can buy French wine but also Spanish, Argentinian, South African, Italian, Australian, Chilean or whatever you damn well like.

Oh yes bank accounts here are a pain! Difficult to open and it took ages for things to become a bit easier. 15yrs ago I could email my bank in France and ask them to do anything really. Couldn't do that here. And only 1 bank allowed me to open an account here because I didn't have a passport (I didn't need a passport!!!! Mine had been chewed by my dog shortly before setting off for the UK so I only had my ID card which the bank clearly didn't like) Can't complain now with mobile banking etc.

The French do not assume their cheese is the best, they know :) lol different tastes of course but I still think French cheese is much better and my parents always bring us some when they come and visit. And some dark chocolate.

ruby The issue with access to GPs is nothing to do with the NHS. There is a shortage of GPs and too many vacancies. So in areas of the country such as where I live and there are no GP vacancies, you can usually get seen the same day or at most the next. The areas with a shortage of GPs have long waits for appointments. If NHS ceased to exist tomorrow, this would still be the same.

The issue with access to GPs is nothing to do with the NHS
of course it has to do with the nhs

British GPs and A&E doctors emigrate to Australia because the working conditions and pay are so much better - I’d argue the shortage of GPs and A&E staff has everything to do with the NHS!

Yes the pay is much better. The shortage of GPs increases work for those working here. But the British pay less for healthcare than most other developed countries.

I was born and raised in London but now divide my time between the UK and a very rural part of Ireland. Even though my family is Irish and I spent many happy holidays there as a child I have found being a resident adult is very different.

You cannot buy anything in any shop without a chat about who you are/who your people are/where you are staying/the weather/any random thing. And whenever I buy something biggish from an independent store they give me a discount without me even have to ask for it, like recently I bought a new fridge priced at €320. It was a fair price, I was happy with it but after the obligatory chat the owner rang it up saying 'I've knocked €20 off for you'.'

When I hire people to do odd jobs in the house or garden it is very difficult to get them to take the payment - they will brush it away saying 'Ah no bother, you can catch up with me later'. But I have no idea when I'll see them again. Let me pay you now -PLEASE. I don't want to get a reputation as a rich Brit blow-in who doesn't pay her way.

When you visit a pub or bar people really are as friendly and interested in you as they appear. They aren't doing it to be polite or get a bigger tip, they really are pleased to see you (unless they aren't, in which case its best to drink up and leave.).

“The French do not assume their cheese is the best, they know”

This is exactly what I mean. Not sure how they know since they rarely seem to eat anything that isn’t French.

And my French colleague certainly has some very strong opinions about British food given that she’s only spent three days of her life in the UK...

Oh and going to the bank in France just makes me want to kill myself.

Luckily the people in my branch are nice (unlike the people in the other banks we tried who really didn’t give a shit about customer service), but the systems are like a throwback from the 1960s. And did I mention the opening hours? Crazy.

Oh and the kissing thing! In London I kiss most of my friends and family hello and goodbye and a lot of business acquaintances too. In Ireland it isn't done as much. I have one very close friend there who is almost family (married to a distant cousin). I see her every few months and a;ways used to kiss her until my DD pointed out that she absolutely hated it.

OTH I really felt I had been accepted there when I walked into our local bar after being away for a few weeks and the owner came out from behind the counter to kiss me and welcome me home.

LoveinTokyo when I give my neighbours English cheese they are amazed at how good it is and ask for more. In our bit of rural Normandy we can buy Spanish, Italian, Chilean, Soth African etc wine. When it is Italian week in Lidl we have prosecco wars at 0830 on the first day. 😀
I agree about the predictability of the cuisine though. We watch Méteo à la Carte at lunchtime and the recipes are sooo boring. Fashion and food the worst things about France imo.

“Fashion and food the worst things about France imo.”

My parents came over to meet my inlaws and they brought lots of English cheeses which went down very well. The English wine was less of a success though!

My husband is very into English bacon and cider, and he can make a good cup of tea now.

lets compare what you get in the UK without private insurance with what you would get in the US.

I actually think, after reading many NHS maternity threads here, that I came out well ahead in the US with medicaid/kidcare. I had private insurance for all but one baby.

I had a private room, private bathroom, food menu with decent choices in hospital for every meal except the first after delivery when I got whatever was ordered by someone who had been discharged, my own doctor or midwife for all pre and post natal visits and delivery, anesthesiologist available if needed, no issues with my records which were all computerised and accessible to everyone dealing with me, a dietician to help with gestational diabetes diet, hospital paeditrician for care of the babies, and excellent nursing care, in both of the hospitals I delivered in. This was both with and without private insurance in the US.

How many British women experience time in a labour ward and a post natal ward, with no private shower or loo, over-extended nursing care, being left alone while in labour, and lack of privacy?

Italians are like that about Italian food. It’s really irritating. There are other foods and other cuisines but nothing is acceptable barring yet another regional dish the way mamma makes it.

We employ lots of Italians who are incredibly cultured and urbane except when it comes to food. I have had some incredibly ordinary meals in Italy but you have to rave about them all

I think the World Aids day response may have been more because of the American determination to avoid all controversial topics at all cost in the interests of getting along and team spirit. Americans tend not to discuss politics or religion at all, or any other matter that might be remotely controversial.

I have a group of women friends that I meet up with about twice a year. We had a booze up cookie exchange before Christmas in 2016, a few weeks after the election of Trump.

Someone let slip the name '45' in reference to our dear president and there was a little awkward silence during which we all tried to assess each other's innermost political thoughts, followed by a few tempered remarks on Trump which quickly turned into a free for all as we realised we all hated him and everything the GOP stood for. I have known these women since my DS was about 5 - so about 19-20 years and we have never discussed politics.

We have discussed relationships, men, sex, menopause, our aging parents and frustrations with parent relationships, children and their relationships and problems or triumphs in school and sport and other activities, made floral arrangements for the wedding of one woman's daughter who was marrying her girlfriend and the florist friend who was supposed to be donating her services had had a car accident, but never politics.