Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

[Swimminguphill]

I bought this beautiful jacket online. In my mind I'd look like Blondie in the 80s, very rock and roll and all round awesome. In reality I look like a giant angry teddy bear/yeti. I have broad shoulders and a bust although slim in general, and it doesn't do me any favours. I wanted it for ages and it's now sold out, and so the joy of getting it in my size just in time is sadly wasted. It is a beautiful jacket - just not on me! Anybody else want to come and mourn reality vs fantasy with me?

I got this from Boohoo last week, for the work Christmas party. The model is standing strangely but I thought it looked stylish.
Actually you can see my knickers. My actual knickers at the front.

If I stand like her it’s all fine. If I walk it’s ‘here is my foof’
So I’d have to crab my journey through the party

It’s been assigned ‘the slutty dress’ that I only wear for my bf

@TossDaily

'Also, a cotton summer midi skirt from Toast, which I wore with a semi-tucked in white t-shirt, as advised by numerous fashionistas, and Birkenstocks.

DP took a snap of me wandering around the garden. I looked like I was getting some fresh air in some kind of secure facility for disturbed middle aged women.

Binned'

OMG I'm crying here! 😂

And we don't talk about the bright red pixie crop that made me look like a fat match

^

Sorry toss but that's brilliant

Fat match

'Look like a grain silo' is inspired.

Another jumpsuit victim here. Bought a blue and white patterned one from Boden for a wedding earlier this year.

In my head: comfy, quirky, perfect for running around after energetic DS.
Reality: Looked like Humpty Dumpty when turned sideways.

I once bought a "vintage floral shirt dress" from eBay, imaging how I'd look just like Carrie Bradshaw. It arrived, and it was from the St.Michael Classic range (i.e. elderly M&S) and made from polyester in a garish print. I looked like Judith Chalmers, and it only ever got worn when dd went to a fancy dress party as Mrs.Merton.

Absolutely howling here - had a crap day n you lot have cheered me up so much!
Black leggings - make me look like max wall
Anything with a belt or tie back makes me look fat n dumpy
Sequins glitter or diamanté just make me look like gran who shops at Bon marche
Just bought a gorgeous leather jacket - despite having lost 4 stone I look more like Sandi toksvig than Debbie harry

White skinny jeans.....so cool, chic, such a summertime vibe.
Er....no....more like tobacco stuffed in a cigarette paper.

Attempted the posh spice pixie cut back in the day, asked a friend to guess which celeb I'd asked for...

Friend: DiCaprio?

Crab my journey actual lol, I shed a little tear I was laughing so much.

Grey velour tracksuit not elegant loungewear more jimmy saville channelling an elephant. My thighs were horrifying, like pillars of a cathedral

navygold I've made many faux pas but never turned into a comedy genius. I wish!

A cape.

Not Parisian and insouciant like I imagined, but Alan Rickman in Harry Potter.

As well as my Tinky Winky goes Emo garb, I purchased some chino style shorts for said summer holiday thinking that I'd look a bit sporty casual. Nope. More like Famous Five gatecrashes Carry on Camping. Needless to say, my holiday clothes buying really needs some help. I make bad bad choices.

I bow before the woman who believed she could rock a cape! We should all wear capes. Our inner goddesses would definitely swish down the stairs drawing admiring gasps from all in a cape.

In the meantime, we won’t speak of DVF wrap dresses. Even the assistant (who was probably on commission) couldn’t suppress the horrified gasp in the changing room. I looked like a barrel with a badly positioned waistband.

I don't want to be that person but I totally rock my Wallis cape. I should add I've never seen it on me in a mirror - I didn't want to ruin the mystique and I think its best that way 😂

Dollytwat I once interviewed someone who was wearing a very similar knicker flashing dress. It was made all the more alarming when she did a presentation as part of the assessment and stood up and shouted at me for four minutes.

It was awkward and slightly upsetting.

She didn’t get the job.

Loving this thread. Emo Tinky Winky had me howling

My most memorable fail was back in the late 80s when I brought home a gorgeous little black dress with a cute frill round the neckline.

I thought I looked like a sophisticated rock chick.

It swiftly got returned after DH, who normally never comments on my clothes, told me I looked like a fairy on her way to a funeral.

Uncle Fester

Very funny thread

Oh this thread has made me laugh. I don't have items to give as an example. I basically live on a knife edge regarding ALL of my clothing choices. I veer between my two most accessible looks; amish or back woods freak. I seem to come by this naturally. Very hard to find a decent middle ground there.

The dog has just gone under the sofa as I am laughing so loud
Yes, yes to the Hush dress!! So happy it wasn't just me
This should be required reading when I blithely send off for something after Christmas

I rock a cape too.
And tweed.
In fact my cape is tweed.
So nerr.

I'm tall and so thought I could get away with a voluminous merino coatigan. My sister looked up and said "Where's your wand, Professor McGonagall?"

Anything remotely masculine (crisp white shirt, tailored trousers) and I'm instantly called Sir in shops.

But in lipstick or anything overtly feminine I look like a man in drag...

So so funny. To the above I can add:

Flat over-the-knee boots in grey suede:

The theory: I'll wear these over skinnies for a cool yet comfy chic urban look
The reality: Pantomime boy.

A white (yes white) belted wrap coat:
The theory: So stylish! So classy! So cool and understated and monochrome!
The reality: Dentist.