Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

[Swimminguphill]

I bought this beautiful jacket online. In my mind I'd look like Blondie in the 80s, very rock and roll and all round awesome. In reality I look like a giant angry teddy bear/yeti. I have broad shoulders and a bust although slim in general, and it doesn't do me any favours. I wanted it for ages and it's now sold out, and so the joy of getting it in my size just in time is sadly wasted. It is a beautiful jacket - just not on me! Anybody else want to come and mourn reality vs fantasy with me?

Long ‘hoody’ type dress with messy bun, you know for the ‘casual’ look.

Idea: cutesy, relaxed and trendy

Reality: Mrs Trunchbull

😩😩😩😩

I have a far too honest DH who tells me what hes think (and sadly what I see in the mirror)

Black and white trench coat - told I look like a tv detective

Ugg boots - which look good on everyone else but shocking on me - “Does farmer Giles know you have nicked his wellies”

Finally... purple velour tracksuit - which I thought would make me looked chilled out and effortlessly glam but actually looked like Waynetta Slob.

"Sylvanian families rabbit baby"
Oh, poor you but I'm sniggering.

@TossDaily Yay! What colour did you go for?

Classic black. I'm enjoying stomping around

I had a yellow Sweater Shop t shirt in the mid-nineties which I took with me for a week in the bucolic Staffordshire countryside.

Expectation - city dweller-does-casual country chic
Reality - fly paper. Literally. I was covered in hundreds of the little buggers. And the occasional wasp.

So many. I never learn.

Two-piece for school trip to meet dignitaries in Paris.

Idea: Classy English student

Reality: Margaret Thatcher

Bob that takes into account the fact that my hair is straight at the front but curls at the back.

Idea: Louise Brooks

Reality: Beachers Brook

Oversized Parka

Expectation- Kate Moss cooly posing on the back of a moped
Reality - Liam Gallagher's Mum

Jumpsuits are my downfall. A friend convinced me I'd look great in one and that being slim would outweigh being a shortarse.

Jumpsuit 1 - wide legged, fitted waist, short sleeves.
Expectation: one hand in pocket in louche manner and other holding martini glass.
Reality: Sponge Bob Squarepants in khaki.

Friend says "maybe you need one with a narrower leg".
Jumpsuit 2 - in my head cocktail chic fashonista.
Reality was I looked like I'd come to fix the toilet.

Leopard print pumps

Expectation: smart but stylish pop of colour when worn with black skinnies and black blouse

Reality: Theresa May

Need to place mark. The funniest thread ever

Leopard skin harem pants after summer holidays in posh school uniform shop at the counter. Ds: Mam why are you wearing your pyjamas.

Purple and green striped trousers and matching coat with green shirt and green and purple tie in the 80's. Reality: giant caterpillar.

I wore Jo Malone 'Red Roses' to the office, thinking fresh, romantic, pure, clean..

Someone asked who had put out really strong pot potpourri and then went round the office grimacing searching for it...

I have a thing about black polo necks. In my mind, i look like Audrey Hepburn, willowy, elegant, gracious - a person to be taken seriously. Sadly i have a short neck and a round face. In reality I look like a badly dressed pug.

Oh god I'm crying at this thread. It's fucking hilarious. I'm going to be snorting to myself about Lionel Blair

I bought a red and white striped jacket for my holidays. I actually thought it looked pretty cool and quirky until my lovely teenage sons fell about laughing and asked if I was joining a barbershop quartet dicks

This is my favourite thread in years by the way. So funny.

In reality I look like a badly dressed pug.

Reality was I looked like I'd come to fix the toilet.

Reality: Mrs Trunchbull

Stop it! I'm having a hernia.

Only up to page ten but I need to add these before I forget:
Voluminous Toast skirt:
Expected - French chic, esp when paired with Toast Breton top.
Reality - entire midsection of body removed. I just went straight from boob to shins. And what a matronly bust it was.

All round neck sweaters:
Expectation: preppy back to school crispness.
Reality: Matronly bust.

Wearing a long sleeved T shirt under a short sleeved T shirt.
Expected: celeb on day off, casual ‘I go to the game’ kind of chic.
Reality: Three shop assistants called me Sir and one little girl said ‘mummy why is that man wearing lipstick?’

Leggings, white shirt and flat black biker boots. I thought I'd look practical and yet stylish, nice crisp lines etc.

I looked like someone had shot my horse out from underneath me.

Grey fitted trousers: I looked like the back legs of a pantomime elephant.

A friend talked me into buying a super-funky clubbing top, late 90's.

Expectation: Barbarella meets Tron.

Reality: Going canoeing.

Reality: Going canoeing.

My people. I found you.

Bought a coat in M&S sale last week (possibly were it all went wrong in first place)

Image- the colour and style look classy, yet a bit funkier than a normal black coat, so in my head I am well tailored, yet edgy. I am winning at adulting professional.

Reality- it has popper closure instead of buttons which, when worn open, look like a row of nipples off a dog who has just delivered a litter of pups.

And it is a tad too snug on my fat frame , so it looks like I have also just delivered a litter, and am yet to figure out my post-litter size.

I have 7 days left to return it... unless I drop half a stone by then, it needs to go back....

Howling at "from the side, I looked like a pick axe".

I bought a black boiled wool jacket from Jigsaw with an asymmetric zip, in my head understated kind of biker style.

In the mirror, inexplicably, more kind of "middle aged woman in her dog walking fleece, but the zip looks wonky."

I sent it back.

Thought I'd step away from my usual overgrown tomboy routine and get myself a terribly chic and adorable woolly hat for the winter.

Expectation: Eponine from Les Miserables.

Reality: Drug dealer. DH snorted and asked if I kept my stash in the hat.