Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

[Swimminguphill]

I bought this beautiful jacket online. In my mind I'd look like Blondie in the 80s, very rock and roll and all round awesome. In reality I look like a giant angry teddy bear/yeti. I have broad shoulders and a bust although slim in general, and it doesn't do me any favours. I wanted it for ages and it's now sold out, and so the joy of getting it in my size just in time is sadly wasted. It is a beautiful jacket - just not on me! Anybody else want to come and mourn reality vs fantasy with me?

A frilled shoulder top - soooo cool but not when it makes you look like a salamander dragon. Which is exactly what it did!

Any leggings
Idea - waif like ballerina type
Reality , principal boy or max wall !

TheOtherGirl

Ok I am probably getting a bit too old for a chunky knit, faded denim mini over leggings and tan leather calf length boots but DS told me I looked like an eco-warrior and asked if I was going to chain myself to a tree.

Like another poster I have a (never worn) midnight blue sequined dress in the wardrobe somewhere. Makes me look like I have stepped out of a 1970s Saturday night game show. All I need is blue eyeliner.

Goal: A gorgeous platinum lilac long haired fur jacket. Just right for chilly evenings out.

Reality: Cookie Monster. At any time of day or outside temperature

The disappointment extends to perfume...

When I was 20, my slightly older boyfriend with a high earning job bought me a large bottle of Joy perfume
Expectation : "The Costliest Perfume in the World" (its advertising tagline)
Reality : cat pee

Oh yes perfume

Agent Provocateur

Expectation: That simple yet sensual, classy but naughty scent which mimics pheromones and makes you instantly more attractive to people. Sexiness bottled. Made me feel irresistible!

Reality: My BF at the time pointed out that perhaps I might be more attractive to some people whilst wearing this, but certainly not to moths, they would be repelled.

Opium.

I wanted - Gorgeous, heady and exotic opulence.

I got - A cloud of overpowering musk which didn't fade at all throughout the day.

I ended up spraying a cotton bud and dabbing it on sparingly.

I love it, but without care people could smell me coming.

Joy de Jean Patou:

Expectation - a mature, sexy scent for the woman who can afford the finer things in life.

Reality - I smell like a nanna, and I have a migraine.

Chanel No 5:

Expectation : timeless classic, sensual, what Marilyn Monroe wore in bed.

Reality: has the cat pissed behind the radiator again?

Black brogues.

Expectation - quirky insouciance! Annie Hall-chic! Smart yet casual!

Reality - Toss is such a nice woman. Is there a reason she doesn't have a young man?

Chanel No 5:

Expectation : timeless classic, sensual, what Marilyn Monroe wore in bed.

Reality: has the cat pissed behind the radiator again?

With only few exceptions, all Chanel perfumes do that to me.

@TossDaily I’ve been wearing brogues for years

Lentil me too. Tan ones - no problem. Black ones - I look like a sturdy, capable woman whose 'fiance' 'died in the war' and has lived with her 'companion' Marjorie for thirty years.

I can't do brogues either, I was hoping for comfy, smart, yet sexy with skinnies and crisp white shirt (see up thread for white shirt horrors).
What I got was Nun leaves convent and gets job in library.

I even tried a heeled pair.
Nun leaves convent and gets job in Library but wants to star as man in Strictly with the wierd Cuban heels.

I once bought a red duffle coat from H&M, thinking I'd look cute and quirky like Zooey Deschanel in New Girl.

Reality:

I'm 5 foot and a size 8, I can't wear duffle coats as it's more like they wear me.
I walk around like an old stooped man carrying cargo.
Duffle coat in the wardrobe of shame.

I have a 70s Welsh weave cape. I love it. It goes over the top of what else I'm wearing and keeps me warm in the car

I bought my first pair of black brogues last week. Thought I'd look stylishy edgy. DH asked 'Why are you wearing orthopaedic shoes?'

DD1 saw them and remarked 'that I looked like I was going to be late for detention.'

Everyone's a fucking comedian in this house

yes, that's the problem with comfy shoes. In black leather, they look orthopaedic. In pale tan suede, they look less...sensible, but living in the country I know I would ruin them in the process of getting the car into or out of the drive.

I am actually crying real tears and laughing out loud at these .

I bought a bright green silk dress with a ruff round the neck. Expectation- daring fashion trendsetter.

Reality - green snake that had swallowed a plate.

I've had a few off the shoulder tops, you'd think I'd learn after one but it seems not.
They never stay off shoulder, they weirdly pop up up and seem to be trying to consume my head.
I've never worn a single one out of the house, I have several in the wardrobe of shame

Green snake swallowed a plate - omg I’m crying!!

I have laughed so much at this thread!
I have memories of wearing hippy layers thinking I looked muse like pre Raph girl.
I just looked like a walking pile o laundry.