Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

[Swimminguphill]

I bought this beautiful jacket online. In my mind I'd look like Blondie in the 80s, very rock and roll and all round awesome. In reality I look like a giant angry teddy bear/yeti. I have broad shoulders and a bust although slim in general, and it doesn't do me any favours. I wanted it for ages and it's now sold out, and so the joy of getting it in my size just in time is sadly wasted. It is a beautiful jacket - just not on me! Anybody else want to come and mourn reality vs fantasy with me?

Loving this!

One of my disappointments was a denim shirt dress, I thought I'd wear it with navy blue brogues and a cashmere cardigan.

In my head it was cool, relaxed weekend mum look, apparently I looked like an extra from Call the Midwife. It's a good job I can't ride a bike 🙄

Snort at “Santa sleeping rough”

My fashion fails also extend to haircuts.

The look I was aiming for was Meg Ryan - tousled beach-blonde waves

The look I got - James May after a night in a hedge.

I went for an edgy square cut layered bob, you know sassy, kick arse and edgy.

Woke up to Cherie Blair every morning for 6 months. FFS.

I actually cried with laughter a this thread yesterday

Floisme I actually have those Uniqlo keks in my possession and am dithering about keeping them

They're long on me though and I'm 5'8"

I can't leave this thread alone.

'Santa sleeping rough'

Oh dear Alma I'm 5'3 so that is a little troubling I'm hoping they'll be delivered today so the wait will soon be over.

Got my hair done for my birthday, get home, my gent sees me, flings his arms around me and says "Hun, I really love you... but, but Angela Merkel."

Remarkably, we are actually still together. I have no idea how.

Also: Hush pyjamas -> Bea from Prisoner Cell Block H

Can I just say what an unexpected and lovely surprise it is to see my bad purchase provoking an outpouring of hilarity, solidarity and everyday examples of optimism winning out over a lifetime of sartorial experience.

It's a triumph of the human spirit is what it is.

Merry Christmas one and all

P.S. if anyone else wants to play clothing roulette, I sent the jacket back today so it should be back online before Christmas - you're welcome.

HAHAHAHAHAHA at Maleficent drawn on a paper plate! Particularly since it was said admiringly, albeit by a 10 year old.

Also, the bob that looked like Hamble. Genius.

I can’t seem to wear a silk shirt with a skirt without looking like a pound shop Alexis Carrington. I bought a lovely navy silk shirt from M&S last year. What could go wrong (I should have heeded the ‘classic item’ warning).

Paired it with my leather pencil skirt for work, and heels. Christ. I looked like a Lulu fashion spread in Kay’s catalogue circa 1987. I looked ten years older.

Hilarious thread.

Pleated skirts. Namely that velvet pleated M&S skirt. Oh goodness! Kids thought I had randomly bought a curtain and tied it around me. To keep me warm while feeding the hens.

Anything mustard or yellow. Makes me look like I've got liver disease.
Also, I've had to remind myself that while crushed velvet was a look I rocked in 1989/90, now I look like a bargain bin Stevie Nicks.

My uniqlo trousers arrived today!!!
Sorry guys but they're fabulous.
I need to take them in at the waist a little bit but I love them.

"Hun, I really love you... but, but Angela Merkel."

At least your doppelganger is managing her country ok.
I was Teresa May for 6 weeks until the frumpy layers grew out.

Fat nan 😂😂😂😂

I bought one of those Elsie's Attic tulle skirts to wear with a bodysuit.

Expectation: Carrie Bradshaw, petite and small waisted, slightly quirky but in a chic rather than weird way.

Reality: Ageing, fat wannabe ballerina who is wider than they are tall.

thehair I has EXACTLY that experience with an Elsie's Attic skirt.

Does anyone have a link to the uniqlo trews? I need to try these.

Pavlova you need to google uniqlo corduroy Lemaire every so often and they turn up when they are in stock. They're not on the website otherwise.

What are you going to wear them with Ijust?

I love red coats and have purchased two in the past few years.

One makes me look like I have been eaten by a pillar box. The other makes me look like a giant raspberry. I

I mostly just wear my navy North face anorak!

Oh yes so many hairstyles.

Wanted: light layers

Got: Rod Stewart 1979

Wanted: Madonna flicky long blonde hair.

Got: Camilla Parker Bowles.

Dress from oasis - bit of ruffles, multicoloured flowers on dark background.
Expectation - so in! All over runways! Will look exactly like Dior spring/summer season.

Reality (I'm on the left)

Howling here! 9 week old trying to sleep on my chest has nearly been shaken off a few times. Thank you ladies

My trews have arrived too. Oh my.

I instantly acquired this teeny tiny waist and endlessly long legs. Admitedly I also couldn't see my feet but this is easily remedied.

They're not as long on me as I had feared and even with my limited skills, I can manage a turnup.

I'm still hesitating because I think the website is right that the proportions do look better with a bit of a heel and I'm normally strictly flats. Will sleep on it and also check tomorrow that Uniqlo haven't sprinkled my eyes with magic dust.

I'll tell you what though, I look much shorter and dumper in skinnies.

Sorry you were probably all hoping for a laugh there weren't you? I feel bad now. Very tall and elegant, but bad.