Things you only learned about pregnancy and birth once you were committed

[BestZebbie]

Inspired by the thread about giving women more information about natural birth.... What happened to you/ your friends during pregnancy and birth that came as a total surprise?
I'll start with:
Temporary deafness in late pregnancy (probably fluid related, like swollen ankles)
Arthritis post-pregnancy, apparently triggered by it
Pains when the placenta implanted (meaning that I thought it was all going wrong)

The amount your boobs leak when your milk comes in. I was only 20, about to turn 21, when ds was born...i had no idea that I'd basically need sanitary towels but for my bra. And that even then they wouldn't always work...I just thought my boobs would know how much they should be making lol.

That ante-natal anxiety would completely floor me.

Psychiatric services for pregnant and new mothers is brilliant (in my experience).

That 'they' won't take your baby away.

Maternity clothes are mostly shite.

When pg I thought Breastfeeding would be straightforward. It was (for me) and I really loved it. I don't admit this in real life as I feel guilty.

Serious Constipation - bathroom looked like a crime scene afterwards.

Possibly related - piles. What a joy

That premature babies are harder to deliver - apparently because they're not as "sturdy" so they don't get into the right position and you often deliver the top of the head first rather than the back.

Gas and air is simultaneously the best and the most evil thing in the world. The only way I can describe it is that you can still feel every bit of pain but you don't give a fuck.

The pain increases after your waters break. Mine didn't break on their own and when I was in labour I said to my husband "I wonder if the pain will ease once my waters break". He googled it but didn't tell me the answer was no, the pain will intensify a million times!

Fully dilated isn't 10cm if the baby's premature and therefore smaller.

Just how bad pregnancy heartburn can be. You say heartburn and people think it's no big deal. It was horrible.
Pelvic pain and instability.

That my hands and feet were going to swell so badly I couldn't get anything on with ds3 other than uggs three sizes bugger than normal and that with ds1 my hands went utterly numb.
The lochia. NO ONE told me it would be that heavy. And last for so long.
That after pains are actually quite fucking painful, and get worse with each baby.
That crowning with ds1 was going to hurt that much. DH almost bust a gut trying not to laugh at me screaming that my clit was about to rip open.
That there can be such differences between births. Ds2's birth was an utter dream.

Skin tags

Milk let down hurts. Then your womb joins in with birthing after pains that feels like someone is squeezing your insides like a lemon.

Second time around, your body thinks "hang on; I've done this before" and everything happens faster. Pregnant tum, labour, milk let down...everything. With less sleep and a demanding DC. I love having two, but some days I would happily exchange DS for a lie-in.

That babies can scream before they are all the way out. Didnt see that in any book.

That you will be sore afterwards.

That you can withdraw consent.

That labour is the painful bit and the delivery should be straightforward and last an hour and a half max. If youre still pushing 6 hours later then they really should scan you to see what position the baby is in.

The dreams!

That my belly button would never go back in again.

The blocked ears
The bleeding afterwards
The lack of energy weeks after the birth
That morning sickness doesn't happen just in the mornings
Birth plans are useless......give me the drugs!!!

That my feet got bigger. I went up a whole shoe size and never went back down. DD is 23 now. Due to the ligaments slackening I suppose.

That when anything isn't quite right or you need medical help, it's all dismissed because you're pregnant and you should just put up with it. I used to joke that I could go to A&E with a broken arm and I'd be told it was because I was pregnant and there was nothing that could be done about it.

The heartburn, the saliva, the horrid metallic taste in my mouth, needing to wee constantly, the pelvic pain towards the end.

The tiredness during pregnancy
Heartburn
The absolute agony of labour
That you may not feel instant overwhelming love for your baby
Lochia
That it will never be the same down there
Generally speaking, what I expected to be straightforward wasn't and what I was dreading turned out ok.

Damn, I am 39.5 weeks pregnant and this was not the thread to read.

The after pains with the second baby. It was like being in early labour for days after the birth.

Restless legs. The mind blowing tedium of late pregnancy. The absolute rage I feel at anyone who tells me to "enjoy" these final days before the baby arrives. As if I am capable of frolicking around garden parties and drinking Pimms right now. I have severe carpal tunnel and a front that my back can't support for more than 10 minutes at a time. I pray to God I am very swollen everywhere and my face is not really this fat.

There are two kinds of pelvic floor exercises, the slow ones and the fast ones. Do both.

That I will feel better two hours after giving birth than I felt for the six weeks before birth. That the lochia, and cramps, and pain of breastfeeding can be less than the relentless collection of late pregnancy ailments.

The pelvic pain- I still get some 14 years after my first birth. It was a nightmare and the worst part was turning over in bed and the two halves of my pelvis grinding together.
Nobody told me that sometimes babies are born blue. My first was bright blue and I flipped out completely. He was fine after a few seconds but I was in a total state.
That the world doesn't end if your husband/partner isn't at the birth. For my first, MrZippy was amazing and I couldn't have coped without him. for the second I didn't notice he was there. It wasn't until the 5th that I told him I'd rather he looked after the children and I'd phone him when it was all over. I think he was a bit put out, but when a person is fighting its way out of his cock then he will get to decide who is in the room too.
That gas and air is my lovely, lovely friend. My last labour was less than 2 hours but very intense and G&A got me through it with minimum stress and a very calming hallucination (all I had to do was just get the cast and crew of Emmerdale to move out of the way and all would be well. I just had to stop them from blocking the birth canal with a tiny little push).

I learnt about placental abruption because it happened to me. The most traumatic experience of my life.

Lochia. Horrible, vile lochia. How is it that I have seen some women wearing tight fitted clothes after giving birth and looking wonderful - whilst I had to wear jogging bottoms to disguise wearing nappy sized sanitary pads?

When expressing milk it won't only hurt your breasts but it feels like labour pains in your uterus, oh and can cause you to bleed some more down below - fucking lovely.

Even if, like me, you panicking about shitting yourself during labour, if it actually happens you really won't care - it won't destroy you, it won't be the worst thing ever. At this point you have no dignity left to lose.

It's ok to cry when they tell you it's too late for pain relief
It feels like you need to poo when you need to push
Morning sickness can last all day/night result in hospital admissions and last right up until you are in labour
You don't have to experience that 'Rush' of love immediately when the baby is placed in your arms , this can take time
You get more sleep when they are newborn as you no longer have to get up every 2 minutes to pee and can get comfy in bed
It's ok to cry!

That you can feel movement even if pain is blocked when being stitched up. That was so weird!! I can feel thread moving there.

The shower afterwards is amazing.

Newborns pull chest hair!

Oh and apparently changing your mind about the whole baby thing is too late during labour, you're not allowed to change your mind and go home. The midwife told me so when I stated quite matter-of-factly that 'I've changed my mind now, I don't want a baby, I just want to go home'.

A positive one - that a break from periods was so lovely. Even with pelvic pain, back pain and crutches, the break from the routine of pmt mood swings was great.

That once I'm fully dilated and I'm ready to push all the pain would suddenly stop and I'd have total panic and l'd refuse to push.
This was with DS5. It was utterly bizarre, I literally folded my arms and decided I wanted a C-section. Midwives and DH were dumbfounded.
We had a bit of a stand-off while they tried to convince me that I should start pushing and I insisted I won't because I wanted a C-section.

Eventually I realised that I actually want baby out and with a sigh and rolling my eyes I gave up and said "all right then, I'll do it" , as if I was doing them a favour!
As soon as I started pushing the pain returned btw

I also didn't know that you could dilate from 5cm to 10cm in 2 mins!!!!! (With DS3)
Or that I could push the head out with only 2 puushes and that with the 3rd one he'd shoot out of me with such speed the midwives almost dropped him!

Ah, all those births. We have 7.
And my eldest is 15 today

That post birth pee. I thought it would never end!
The afterpains... They were almost as painful as some of my contractions!
The magical tea and toast afterwards... Oh that was delicious 😋
That babies don't always latch well and you might end up with two midwives manhandling your boobs trying to get it into your babies mouth...

The labour ward is hell on earth! And they leave you there with the baby even though you don't know what to do

Varicose veins in one's vulva during pregnancy !

That scar tissue can form in vaginas, making sex uncofortable for months after birth.

On a positive note, stitches do not have to be terrible. Mine caused me no problems, healed really quickly and didn't hurt.

Oooo and the first poo after childbirth!! That was frightening 🙊

So many things mentioned on here I'd forgotten about but God, yes:
The nosebleeds.
The breathlessness, even in the first trimester.
The pelvic and back pain.
The blood. So. Much. Blood.
The crazy dreams.
The saliva. WTF is that about?
The pelvic and back pain x2
The tiredness. I became Queen of Naps.
How useless my brain would become around month 6. I would just gaze blankly at my manager and smile whenever she asked me to do something as I had no freaking clue what she was on about!
That it took about 10 days to actually warm to my DS and feel that love for him that I was supposed to have from the moment I saw him!

I didn't enjoy pregnancy and childbirth... every time I think about having another baby I just can't put myself through all of that again!